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Original poster

Comment at work

37 replies

toomuchick · 20/02/2024 20:16

I've name changed for this.

I work in a very male environment, some of the talk is a bit close to the bone, would be very frowned upon in other industries. Lots of 'banter'.

I have worked hard to get respect and treated as an equal over the years.

I usually close my ears or just leave the room if the chat gets too much, but today it was directly to me.

We were talking about choking and how to respond in an emergency, he said I only get that when I'm in their mouth, so just step back due to length. The whole room was laughing. I went red and left the room. I feel like I should have handled it better and feel pathetic for going red.

Reluctant to complain as I think I would be ostracised and feel more intimidated. I have to see this group on my own a lot and go away with them on business.

OP posts:
HappierTimesAhead · 20/02/2024 20:18

Sorry this happened to you 😢 Men are arseholes

setmestraightplease · 20/02/2024 20:38

Next time you see them, tell them that you had to leave the room because their behaviour was so embarrassing. Ask them if they would have said it in front of their mother, their daughter their wife, a woman they didn't know ............

because idiot men often don't know when they are being totally sexist and misogynistic 🙄🙄 So let them know

You haven't done anything wrong here .......... but they certainly have! And don't apologise and make it a 'you' problem. It's a 'them' problem!

And ime men respect a woman who stands up and tells them when they've crossed a line. You don't have to 'complain', you just have to tell it as it is.

Original poster
toomuchick · 20/02/2024 21:23

You're right, I need to start standing up to it.

Wish I had done today so much.

OP posts:
Doingmybest12 · 20/02/2024 21:30

What a horrible work environment, so hard to do anything about it without you being made the one with the problem. I'd try and find a way out or find a colleague or manager who is sympathetic and distance myself.

stonedaisy · 20/02/2024 21:35

I think you can ask for respect without seeming prudish.. no one wants that mental image..

Janedoelondon · 20/02/2024 21:36

Gross!!

Olika · 20/02/2024 21:40

I would have just stared at him with a blank impression.

DaftyLass · 20/02/2024 21:43

Missed a chance, next time say 'it wasn't your size, it was your stench!'

Newbalancebeam · 20/02/2024 21:45

Agree with the PP. You should have asked him - what length? Or said something like in your dreams! Obvs shouldn’t have happened in the first place but sometimes taking no prisoners is the way to go.

ChanelNo19EDT · 20/02/2024 21:45

Awful, what a horrendous comment.

I'd be disgusted to hear that in a work environment.

DifferentAlgebra · 20/02/2024 21:46

Don’t confuse ‘being treated as an equal’ with ‘pretending I can’t hear misogynistic ‘banter’.

ChowChowuaua · 20/02/2024 21:46

Sexualised comments are too far in the workplace, fine if they're down the pub at lunch.

I think you should speak up next time. 'can we not, please, I don't want to hear about that?' Will probably be enough. If it continues, escalate to HR.

setmestraightplease · 20/02/2024 21:46

@Doingmybest12 What a horrible work environment, so hard to do anything about it without you being made the one with the problem. I'd try and find a way out or find a colleague or manager who is sympathetic and distance myself.

No, it's not ' hard to do anything about it without you being made the one with the problem' The OP is not the one with the problem The men she works with are the problem. Are you one of the men involved and trying to justify your actions??

I'd try and find a way out or find a colleague or manager who is sympathetic and distance myself. Advice like this compounds the problem.
Are you one of the men involved and trying to put the OP off saying anything??

TwylaSands · 20/02/2024 21:48

DifferentAlgebra · 20/02/2024 21:46

Don’t confuse ‘being treated as an equal’ with ‘pretending I can’t hear misogynistic ‘banter’.

This. Report to hr

Fucketyfecketyfoo · 20/02/2024 21:49

I walk away from that kind of shite. The laughers are just as bad!

setmestraightplease · 20/02/2024 21:49

@toomuchick

Newbalancebeam
Agree with the PP. You should have asked him - what length? Or said something like in your dreams! Obvs shouldn’t have happened in the first place but sometimes taking no prisoners is the way to go.

This is the way to go! 😂

GoodVibesHere · 20/02/2024 21:50

Oh god I would've gone bright red too. I'd be lost for words. I think you did what a lot of women would do.

Disgraceful behaviour from them all. I'm not a prude at all, but just wouldn't expect this teenage boy behaviour, especially in a work setting. Gross.

setmestraightplease · 20/02/2024 21:52

@ChowChowuaua
Sexualised comments are too far in the workplace, fine if they're down the pub at lunch.

Not ok in the workplace but they are ok down the pub at lunch???!!

AllEars112232 · 20/02/2024 21:54

Seems to me that's serial harassment. Is report this to HR. This is not banter and not acceptable oin the workplace.

DifferentAlgebra · 20/02/2024 21:55

AllEars112232 · 20/02/2024 21:54

Seems to me that's serial harassment. Is report this to HR. This is not banter and not acceptable oin the workplace.

Yes.

AllEars112232 · 20/02/2024 21:59

AllEars112232 · 20/02/2024 21:54

Seems to me that's serial harassment. Is report this to HR. This is not banter and not acceptable oin the workplace.

Oops, I meant sexual harassment!

SunflowerSeeds123 · 20/02/2024 22:02

This is totally unacceptable in the workplace. It's sexual harassment. You shouldn't have to put up with it in order to gain respect. They are in the wrong and their behaviour needs to be called out. Contact your line manager and union, if you are a member.

bottomsup12 · 20/02/2024 22:08

That's absolutely disgusting. Speak to HR they'll only bully you if you say something face to face

ChowChowuaua · 20/02/2024 22:37

setmestraightplease · 20/02/2024 21:52

@ChowChowuaua
Sexualised comments are too far in the workplace, fine if they're down the pub at lunch.

Not ok in the workplace but they are ok down the pub at lunch???!!

Yes? A small group of work friends having lunch. Not in the workplace where you know some people will be uncomfortable.

Original poster
toomuchick · 20/02/2024 22:40

Thank you and for validating how I'm feeling. It's bothered me.

OP posts: