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Original poster

Allergic to competive mum who puts my dd age 12 down.

30 replies

Downwarddog2 · 18/02/2024 12:01

My 12 year old is friends with a girl from school & it turns out the girls mum is very competitive with my dd & has made slight digs at my dd to me which I don't like. She is constantly trying to find out what grades my dd got & what she's up to outside school. Have any mumsnetters experienced similar & how did you deal? I am biting my tongue at the moment, not giving any info about dd & trying to give her a wide berth which is very hard as we lift share for extracurriculars.
I just feel she constantly wants her child to have a leg up on my dd which is insane. (her dd is absolutely lovely btw)

OP posts:
idontlikealdi · 18/02/2024 12:04

Why do you need to have anything to do with the mum at secondary?

Guavafish1 · 18/02/2024 12:04

Just make it up!

Original poster
Downwarddog2 · 18/02/2024 12:13

idontlikealdi · 18/02/2024 12:04

Why do you need to have anything to do with the mum at secondary?

I explained they do an extracurricular together three evenings a week& we lift share. Also have to see her at matches.

OP posts:

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12 year olds Families
Alwaystired2023 · 18/02/2024 12:14

Oh god what a wanker, tell her your DD didn't sit the exams because she did them all aged 5 and she was busy helping NATO update their conventions

Original poster
Downwarddog2 · 18/02/2024 12:17

Alwaystired2023 · 18/02/2024 12:14

Oh god what a wanker, tell her your DD didn't sit the exams because she did them all aged 5 and she was busy helping NATO update their conventions

It's tiring & she seems to get worse the older the dd get.

OP posts:
WimpoleHat · 18/02/2024 12:17

A friend of mine used to suffer from this from a friend of hers. Her DH used to make sure he’d written really complicated equations/quotes from Shakespeare/historical timelines on the whiteboard in their kitchen whenever these friends came round to wind them up! Try it. Oh - DD is really interested in Russian history/Eastern philosophy/playing bridge at the moment….

Original poster
Downwarddog2 · 18/02/2024 12:21

WimpoleHat · 18/02/2024 12:17

A friend of mine used to suffer from this from a friend of hers. Her DH used to make sure he’d written really complicated equations/quotes from Shakespeare/historical timelines on the whiteboard in their kitchen whenever these friends came round to wind them up! Try it. Oh - DD is really interested in Russian history/Eastern philosophy/playing bridge at the moment….

😁😁 It's really draining.

OP posts:
2dogsandabudgie · 18/02/2024 12:21

What digs has she actually made? Maybe she is worried about her daughter not settling in at secondary school or she worries her daughter is spending too much time on line.

Original poster
Downwarddog2 · 18/02/2024 12:24

@2dogsandabudgie well your dd was picked as she is 3 months older & that's a big difference 🙄

OP posts:
fabio12 · 18/02/2024 12:26

Unfortunately a lot of "sporty" mums are very competitive. Clue is in the area of interest...

Spirallingdownwards · 18/02/2024 12:26

Downwarddog2 · 18/02/2024 12:24

@2dogsandabudgie well your dd was picked as she is 3 months older & that's a big difference 🙄

Reply with things like please don't worry I am sure yours will catch up soon.

Silverbirchtwo · 18/02/2024 12:30

Sounds more like trying to engage in conversation with a 12 year old. When I used to lift share I would ask my DDs friends about school and outside activities just to be friendly, not because I was desperately interested. Asking about grades was a pretty common conversation between mum's at school pick up, just keeping track of how your child was doing relative to others, nothing sinister.

ImaginaryCat · 18/02/2024 12:40

We had this from a dad whose DD did the same sport as mine. They were the closest in age at the club and similar standard so he was forever comparing his DD's performance to mine. A bit of healthy competition is one thing but he was an unpleasant arse to my DD on several occasions, criticising her performance when she was already beating herself up about it; gloating when his kid did better.

Sadly the apple didn't fall far from the tree and his DD was also an unpleasant little show off, forever belittling the others to make herself feel better.

It was one of the contributing factors to my DD falling out of love with the sport and quitting. Looking back I wish I'd told him to fuck off!

TitaniasAss · 18/02/2024 12:44

I had a friend like this, I just refused to engage and she gave up.

User19798 · 18/02/2024 13:04

Some parents are so weird. DS was labelled as 'the one to beat' in year 2 and some of the parents were absurd - even inviting him for tea and having both parents good cop bad cop him 😂
We used to lie and make things up or pretend that we didn't understand what they were talking about. EG "What book is he on?" "Ooooo i'm LOVING a re read of Jilly Cooper atm, it's brilliant, did you read it in the 90s" and oher nonsense. Yes it annoyed them but that is part of the fun - see how far they will go to find out.

Original poster
Downwarddog2 · 18/02/2024 18:36

Great suggestions here, her attitude is head wreaking!

OP posts:
Theresstilltonighttocome · 18/02/2024 18:48

I always do the opposite of brag when I meet one of these. So, “milly knows it’s proper name is the oesophagus, and can tell that from the trachea on our poster” about a 2 year old would be met with “that’s great, X can tell the difference between port and scotch, and he knows you ONLY pass port to the left” etc.

aitchteeaitch · 18/02/2024 18:51

Downwarddog2 · 18/02/2024 12:24

@2dogsandabudgie well your dd was picked as she is 3 months older & that's a big difference 🙄

It's a big difference when they are three and at nursery, but hardly when they are 12!

soupycustard · 18/02/2024 18:51

It's exhausting isn't it. I used to go the other way, so every time her DD had allegedly got a diploma in viola at the age of 6 or whatever (OK, she wasn't quite that bad!) I'd say something like 'oh mine can't be arsed. God knows what we'll do with her. It's a miracle she can read'.

Original poster
Downwarddog2 · 18/02/2024 18:54

@soupycustard I keep saying "oh really" I'm not giving one iota away about my dds progress or lack of!

OP posts:
ollypollymolly · 18/02/2024 18:57

Competitive parents are entirely weird and don’t get better. It’s almost like an illness for them.

maybe try ‘oh I don’t remember how she did, but it is SO NICE of you to take an interest’

maslinpan · 18/02/2024 18:57

Just say you can't remember in a really bored voice next time she is pumping you for information.

JobsLot · 18/02/2024 19:03

I couldn't be bothered with any of that when ds was young as I'd seen it all before when I was at secondary amongst the music mums. I'd always make out like ds was just banging the rocks together. Then he waltzed off to Oxford after sixth form 😂 sure enough the bitchy Facebook comments came along. It was quite funny.

mikado1 · 18/02/2024 19:10

I'd just say 'Oh they're all different' with plenty of mmms along the way. Painful.

HumphreyCobblers · 18/02/2024 19:17

I would pretend massive enthusiasm for their child's achievements whilst never referencing my own child's achievements, especially if my child was doing better than hers.

"Wow that's AMAZING! You must be so proud" etc etc. That might shut her up.