How did you feel turning 40?

[Cloud44]

I turn 40 in a couple of weeks and I’m starting to feel a bit wobbly about it! I’m not really a Birthday fan anymore so I don’t want a massive celebration but feel I should mark it somehow otherwise I ll regret it, but I just don’t feel adult enough to be 40! Feel I’m missing simple tricks to make most of things more rather than being on mumsnet on a Saturday afternoon for example! Does anyone else relate?!

I felt shaky at 29 about turning 30 because although I was healthy and had an interesting career and a good bunch of friends, I didn’t have a baby and my relationship was mediocre. I was quite morose about it.

But I was ok at nearly 40 because I had what I wanted. In addition to the health, job and friends, I was engaged with two children.

My life was where I wanted it to be at 49 too. So no issues about turning 50. Added to this, a small but significant number of people from my year at school had died of covid, suicide or cancer when we were in our late forties so I had an “ageing is a gift” mindset.

If at 59 I’m healthy, retired, still loved-up, friends ok, and (very important) my kids are settled, healthy and happy, I’ll be fine about turning 60.

Barely noticed it. I hate my birthday and don't celebrate it, but that's not about age, I was quite happy being 40, perfectly happy about turning 50. It doesn't mean anything.

Grateful that I could.

I changed my view when I realised that each year I was wishing I was a year younger but recognised that I felt that way the year before too and it seemed futile so I no longer do it and am just grateful for each day.

I turned 40 during pandemic so it kind of just passed by without me thinking anything of it.

I’m turning 40 this year too and am far happier about it than I was turning 30, I’m incredibly grateful in fact.
Having lost people last year who were far far too young I realised that although it’s a cliche, age is a privilege denied to many. Try to look at it as another year to spend with the people you love, doing things that you love and how lucky we are to have that.

I felt great as the week I turned 40 I got the offer of a place on an MSc course. I loved the course, got a distinction and it led to a total career change with a significant increase in salary. So my 40th birthday was the start of something very good.

Fine! I think every birthday after 40 gets easier. I think 30 was my shakiest one. That was the 'You really are a confirmed adult whose shit really needs to get it together' birthday. And my shit was not together at 30... it's not together now as I approach the age of 52. That's ok.

40 is great! It's a bit of a tough decade because we really visibly age in a way and at a rate we haven't quite experienced before. It's not scary at all. But it's definitely real. The change in our physical selves from 40-50 is a lot more noticeable than say, ages 20 to 30 and 30 to 40, generally speaking (I shouldn't speak for everyone).
But what happens on the inside, throughout our 40s, is something quite beautiful. I think it can be a real decade of enlightenment. Soul searching. There is so much 'gain' in our 40s, it's unbelievable. And while I've been through a lot of very hard life stuff in my 40s, the soul stuff, the stuff that really has meaning, the internal journey has more than made up for wobbles I've had about getting older. I think in our 40s we really become our authentic selves, unapologetically and yes, with love. I think we become better versions of ourselves. It's quite a blessed decade. And I really say this as someone who's been totally and utterly challenged in my 40s. I still rate the decade highly!
Happy birthday, almost. It's really going to be ok, OP.
Not to push my faith onto others but now, when I say my daily prayer, blessed be this day, for it is made and given by the Lord. Rejoice in it, I mean it with all of my heart and all of my spirit. The day we live is what matters. And I feel that more now. At 30 those words were important words but they didn't land the way that they do now. The human experience goes deeper in your 40s. Third eye opening stuff. It's great! I think it's because we let go of ego a bit.
But it's ok to also become a retinol addict and dislike the crepey skin too. The 40s give us a sort of dualism. You can have spiritual growth AND get the botox. 😁

The same way I felt turning 39 or 41. I enjoy my birthday and love cake and going out for something to eat but am not bothered about the number.

40 🤷‍♀️ no different to any other age increase I’ve had, I’m now 56.
A close friend had a massive issue being 40.
She couldn’t seem to get it into perspective, had an affair, got divorced. She is now deeply unhappy many years later. Turning 40 was the catalyst which she freely admits to.

Thank you everyone for your replies! What did you do to celebrate your 40th?

OK. My birthday was a bit disastrous though!

I cooked dinner for a few close friends, my mum, then-husband (now ex) and kids. Just sat and broke bread together, solving the world’s problems over wine. Nothing crazy. Just close and loving stuff.

Turning 40 didn't bother me as I don't consider it old and instill feel young, despite having two young children who exhaust me. I recently turned 41 though and for some reason that made me stop in my tracks a little bit more.

I didn't do anything special for my 40th, ended up spending the day in the local museum with my kids, my friend and her little girl.

My son was only three months old so the fact I'd just had a baby probably added to my sense of still being young. Had to get my hair dyed at the hairdresser for the first time ever recently so I'm reconsidering how youthful I still feel 😂

It was awful and nothing positive has happened in my 40's.

I adored being a stay at home mother when my children were small, being 40 was when secondary school started etc and I wasn't needed any more.

Plus I got wrinkles, started to ache and pull tendons, had to stop running, and then started with peri meno symptoms age 41.

Loved covid and the lack of pressure to socialise but really there's been nothing I'd look back on with pleasure in my 40.s

46 now, hope my 50s might be better!!

I hated turning 30.

I was ok with 40.

50 was worse than 40.

I loved turning 40. I also loved turning 30 and 50. I'm alive, healthy, and I have a beautiful family. In my estimation, I'm one of the most fortunate people on earth so I'm grateful to be here. The only other option is that I'd be dead, so getting upset about being older is pretty silly.

Blummin loved it.

My 40s have easily been my best decade so far. I know who I am, what I want, who I can't be bothered with anymore. I people please less and speak my mind more.

I'm excited for what my 50s bring in a few years time.

I got very upset turning 30. It wasn't at all logical, but I'd just had a very traumatic 2nd trimester MMC, necessitating surgery & a hospital stay. I was being very stoic 'these things happen' & think the turning 30 was an outlet for the suppressed grief. (It was my first DC).

By 40 I was separated from my abusive ex for 3 years, 3 small DC, and finding things very tough. I told as few people as possible. I didn't do anything specific - there weren't enough close people to do it with anyway. My family (parents, siblings, ILs) arranged a cake during a family meal out when we were all together on holidays. I was incredibly disappointed. There had been talk of going to this lovely restaurant some distance away, and I was really looking forward to a rare evening away from my DC. In the end my younger siblings with younger DC decided against it & we were in a not-great restaurant with kids everywhere, it was never said it was for my birthday & then this cake arrived, and I realised, this was it! I obviously didn't let it show, but I was so disappointed. If they'd even asked me, I might have said a lunch or something instead.

Now I'm 47, and I'd really like to make a plan now for my 50th (God willing etc) but my family have let me down so much in the last few years I don't think it would include them. I'd probably love to do something with my DC, if I could afford to. Hence needing to plan.

I get the idea of 'big' birthdays being intrinsically important is silly & a bit self-indulgent. But I don't think you can help seeing them as markers for where you are on your life, good or otherwise.

I got very stressed in the run up, and some way into the year still feel a bit weird about it tbh. It’s made me take a long hard look at my life, and I suddenly feel very aware that things aren’t going to simply trundle on forever.

I loved turning 30 but turning 40 feels a bit heavier – it feels like more of a turning point.

40 didn't bother me at all. Genuinely just a number. My husband and I went out for an amazing meal and I wore the same dress I got married in a decade earlier (obviously I didn't go for a traditional wedding dress!)

I didn't know it that night but I had just conceived my twins, so by 41 I had two more children 😁 I feel incredibly lucky with my life to be honest.

Almost mid-40s now and I do feel like I'm aging a bit (quite possibly having 3 small kids has something to do with it!), but I also feel confident, happy, grateful and in control of my life. Roll on the rest of my 40s!

It was turning 40 that made me realise I had to get out of my crap relationship while I still had the chance of a happy life.

When I turned 50 in September, with a gelato in my hand & my feet dangling in Lake Como, I was celebrating the anniversary of that decision as much as my birthday.

And bollocks to hair dyeing and Botox!

I did all the contemplating my navel stuff at 30. By 40, I was grateful to have made it that far as many of my friends hadn't. Now over 50, I'm happy if I can put my socks on without falling over.

Good for you!!!!!

I felt ok. I wrote myself a list of 40 things to do at 40 and spent the year ticking them off.

Some of them were fun - take a pottery class. Some of them were pretty minor (cook Goose, which I'd never eaten).