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Original poster

Leaving 16 and 18 year old home

38 replies

WhenIsaywhoaimeanwhoa · 17/02/2024 11:36

Leaving college going DSs 16 and 18 by themselves for a week.
need to travel abroad for a week. Was fine with doing it, except that now my departure time is imminent, I’m having second thoughts….
(DSs reasonably independent but lazy and pretty useless in kitchen).

ok or nay?

OP posts:
Original poster
WhenIsaywhoaimeanwhoa · 17/02/2024 11:37

Just to add, DS18 alone is not the issue, but leaving 16 year old ‘in his care’

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 17/02/2024 11:38

The 18 year old is an adult
what are you worried about? Them having a party or you coming back to a weeks worth of washing up?

Skiphopbump · 17/02/2024 11:39

What are you concerned about?
Do you worry they will have a party and trash your house.
Are you worried that they won’t eat properly - if they are hungry they will find a way!

fedupandstuck · 17/02/2024 11:40

Do you think they will be safe? Or is it more that you think they won't get to college and won't eat properly? Or make a large amount of mess?

Hoglet70 · 17/02/2024 11:42

Have left DS since he was 16 and so far he has never had a party - or left any evidence of one, anyway.

I would think at that age they will be fine unless they don't get on.

Seeline · 17/02/2024 11:43

My sister and I were left for a fortnight at 15 and 17 when our parents went on holiday. This was nearly 40 years ago so no modern conveniences if on line shopping, mobiles etc.
We were fine. And yes if course we had a party!!

I think it's important to not make the elder responsible for the younger though. They both need to look out for each other, but ultimately both are old enough to be responsible for themselves.

Original poster
WhenIsaywhoaimeanwhoa · 17/02/2024 11:44

fedupandstuck · 17/02/2024 11:40

Do you think they will be safe? Or is it more that you think they won't get to college and won't eat properly? Or make a large amount of mess?

All of this, and totally forgot to add key info 16 has ADHD

OP posts:
Growlybear83 · 17/02/2024 11:45

I absolutely wouldn't have left my daughter in the house alone at 18. Apart from concerns that she wouldn't have bothered to set the alarm or even lock up properly, or feed the cats, I value my house and contents and would not have trusted her not to have had a party the second we were out of the door 😆😆

ohdamnitjanet · 17/02/2024 11:46

My parents left my sister and I alone for a week when we were 16 and 17. It was fab, but we did behave.

caringcarer · 17/02/2024 11:49

Leave plenty of money for takeaway and tell them if there is absolutely no evidence of a party and everything is spotless when you return they can have £X each to spend on clothes for themselves.

TwattingDog · 17/02/2024 11:50

What's the concern? Parties?

When my parents left me at a similar age I did indeed party.... But I also had their friends checking in on me, so the house was pristine lunchtime the next day 😁

So maybe set up a friend or neighbour to pop over each day to see if they need anything....?

fedupandstuck · 17/02/2024 11:52

I would make sure they have easily available food that they are likely to eat, and see if you can ask a friend or neighbour to check in on them a couple of times. If they independently go to college normally then this is a useful test as to how independent they really are. At 18 and 16 they can be responsible for that, and take the consequences if they don't.

HighlyStrung1987 · 17/02/2024 11:54

My mum often left me and my brother at home to go away when we were teenagers. I know she moved out of her parents' home permanently herself at 17 and my dad left home at 16, so this influenced how they felt about it I'm sure. I see no problem with you leaving your two, but it sounds like you have concerns about your youngest that noone here can really comment on as you know them and we don't.

Kalevala · 17/02/2024 11:55

A minor teenager old enough to leave home, and an adult. Perfectly fine. Only thing that would stop me would be any previous domestic abuse in the relationship between the two.

Original poster
WhenIsaywhoaimeanwhoa · 17/02/2024 11:56

They get on well mostly, but with the occasional barney

OP posts:
Malarandras · 17/02/2024 11:57

My parents would go away for a few nights when I was 18 and my little sister was 14. We had a great time moving the PlayStation into the living room and eating lots of junk food. At 16 and 18 I’m sure your two will be fine.

mitogoshi · 17/02/2024 11:58

Of course it's fine. Some 26 year olds have to live alone and many younger than that are carers for parents.

Leave ready meals, noodles, eggs, beans etc and let them get on with it, good practice for adulthood

mitogoshi · 17/02/2024 11:58

26 year olds not 26!

mitogoshi · 17/02/2024 11:59

Auto correct 16!

Comedycook · 17/02/2024 11:59

I wouldn't worry about food. I mean they might not eat brilliantly but they won't starve I'm sure.

My concern would be things like leaving the gas/oven on, not locking up properly

Original poster
WhenIsaywhoaimeanwhoa · 17/02/2024 11:59

HighlyStrung1987 · 17/02/2024 11:54

My mum often left me and my brother at home to go away when we were teenagers. I know she moved out of her parents' home permanently herself at 17 and my dad left home at 16, so this influenced how they felt about it I'm sure. I see no problem with you leaving your two, but it sounds like you have concerns about your youngest that noone here can really comment on as you know them and we don't.

Yes that’s a fair point.
ADHD ds - awful time keeping, sleeps late, can’t get up for college on time despite alarm clock that is designed to shake entire house. DS18 says will help get him up.

OP posts:
mitogoshi · 17/02/2024 12:00

I left mine at same age, eldest is autistic, younger is super sensible and an amazing cook, cooking family meals from 12 or so by choice not everyday

glusky · 17/02/2024 12:02

It's all about the individuals at this age. The most worrying thing is the "in his care" thing. What would you be asking of your older one and do they both buy into the plan? Some pairs would respond well to the older one being in charge, whereas in others one or both of them would rebel. You know them best.

I think key is an explicit understanding you all share of the expectations, rules and responsibilities, and your 16 year old having a good understanding of safety measures. If your 16 year old is not able to have a sensible conversation about it then he is not able to be left. But if he's up for it and you keep expectations realistic it could be fine.

TheGrapesOfAss · 17/02/2024 12:03

I was living with DH at 17, they be fine😂

HighlyStrung1987 · 17/02/2024 12:07

@WhenIsaywhoaimeanwhoa My partner has adhd and while I know it's not the same as having a child with it, I just let him be late for things sometimes as he'd honestly never stop relying on me otherwise. This could be a good opportunity for your 16 year old to start managing his own schedule.