Has anyone ever given you really terrible advice?

[NellysCheekPlaster]

I'm loving the other thread about excellent life-changing advice.

But I'm wondering about the flip side - the terrible advice we've all received.

Here's mine:
"Always be in a relationship with someone who loves you more than you love them".
I took the advice - what a shitshow. He was insecure, he was needy, he basically stalked me for the whole three years of our relationship and then for a year afterwards too.

Also:
"Just get it [tiny tattoo of a horny devil on my tragus]. It'll look great on you"
It did. In 2001.

You advised her to ignore medical advice?! 😬. Why on earth would you take that upon yourself?

No one should ever persuade a woman to have an abortion.
Your comment is horrible.

'Oh what does it matter that he's an alki,steals your money and batters the fuck out of you,he's still better than having no man'

My mother who to this day,still swears she didn't say it

Thank god for no contact

Friend 2 told me not to confront a guy who insulted my friend 1 multiple times before she committed suicide, the night before her funeral. He swanned into the pub like Mr Big Bollocks and I saw red. I ask him to come outside and briefly, but very firmly let him know that he should never treat another human being with such disrespect and that he needed to recognise how much damage his selfish behaviour had caused - he would make her cancel weekend plans with others and then no-show, so she never got to see her friends. I was angry but managed to say what I needed to without shouting.

Walked back to the bar and friend 2 made a huuuge deal to everyone about how I was "SOOOO DRUNK, OMG!" and dragged me out of the pub apologising to him as if I had done something wrong, as if I was crazy!

The next day after the funeral a number of women came up to me and congratulated me on my speech and said they had wanted to buy me a drink the night before! He is notorious for treating women like objects and they all had stories to tell. I just hope it makes him think before doing it again.

It’s great you did, but lots of people never catch up after an early pregnancy.

Pointing out that someone’s life chances are likely to diminish by continuing a pregnancy isn’t guilt tripping, it’s just a fact. Of course the choice is always the individual’s to make, but you didn’t point out the downsides as their parent, you’d be pretty remiss

eg Nuffield below

Teenage mothers are less likely to finish their education, are more likely to bring up their child alone and in poverty and have a higher risk of mental health problems than older mothers.

Buy a house.
1991
6 years of misery followed

Because it wasn’t on anyone’s radar including her orthopaedic surgeon. It was a scan that was done to look at her joint not the rest of her body! She is my best friend and has the same medical knowledge as me .No need to guilt trip me , have just commented on OP thread !

I work with families and to be honest I think it’s more a case that certain groups are more likely to have teenage pregnancies and those are the groups already facing deprivation etc, whether they’d had a baby or not wouldn’t have made a huge difference. Most people who were already set on a different course and had that family support etc generally on life will get back on track eventually. It’s strange how most of the advice/pressure to abort came from people who has aborted when young themselves, it seemed like they just wanted to reinforce their own belief that anyone doing anything any other way would lead to disaster. Yet here I am happier at in my 40s than they ended up being. Yes I was lucky, strange how although all my planned children have been an absolute joy they’ve been hard work too (all the usual challenges) but my one child who to keep seemed to be at such a cost at the time (the one was even told by kindly friends that would be totally understandable if aborted as I had so much to lose) has always been an absolute breeze and joy since she was born.

My sympathies go with the 18 year old who was coerced into that course of action

My sympathies too, I was a teen mum who then went to university when my DC started school. By the time I was 31 I had bought three houses, sold two and was living in a five bedroom detached house in South East England and had 2 other DC and finished my degree.

@Bunbum sounds like they could be related! My friend has no dc. Is your mil into astrology too?
My friend also puts all my relationship issues down to the stars and sun "oh that's because the sun's flares are affecting communication!" Or "its because of the mercury retrograde that he's feeling like this. It can't be helped'
(It sounds like I have a lot of relationship issues but it's mainly just normal ups and downs)

Yes, the midwife who told me to have a bath to manage pain at 39 weeks because she assumed I was anxious. I was actually internally bleeding (hence the pain - not fixable by a bath) and nearly died a few days later. I remember that conversation so vividly. I wonder if she does or has ever reflected on it. Probably not...

That’s fantastic 🥰
I too by my early 30s had graduated with a 1st class honours, qualified in my dream career and then not long after married the love of my life and bought our own house and working in the job I always dreamed of. My 20s weren’t easy but at least now happy with my life and so proud of the lovely child I kept and who is the most amazing big sister also. With an abortion there is just that regret, you will never know how it would have turned out. Having been in that position I do have tremendous sympathy for anyone facing the same position, at 18 so young, vulnerable and easily coerced/influenced

Do once said to Me, DH, DB & DSIL that unemployment would be solved if women didn't work, as then there'd be enough jobs for the men.

DH and DB laughed on while me and SIL let rip/explained to DM that aside from being the biggest load of misogynistic claptrap, if a couple of random men did our jobs instead of us they would be unlikely to also pay our mortgage for us so we all be sleeping on her sofa!

Thinking back that would have been the 90's and DM couldn't see anything wrong with what she'd said!

DM not Do!

In the 1950's my parents talked each other out of buying a large 3-storey house in Islington for £600.

Same here, it was streamed. Only the CSE girls were taught to type, the O'level girls weren't. It wasn't in the timetable.

Also, note the word 'girls'. The CSE boys did woodwork and metalwork.

When I was buying a house I had a work colleague say "don't worry if you can't afford the house on paper - if you love it, buy it anyway and the money will sort itself out"

I assume that sort of great advice is why mortgage lenders do affordability checks.

Yes but I know more people who hesitated about buying a house and are now stuck retired and renting than I ever knew of people who got repossessed. I was told buy as close to ideal/biggest house can get mortgage for and was quite sound advice as once started having kids, going part time, rising house prices etc there would be no way we could of afforded to upsize to what we have now. Yes some years have been very frugal but I don’t regret it at all

That’s quite normal practice at my place of work - global company. Obviously, you wouldn’t send it to the whole company, just those based in the right country/city.