Has anyone ever given you really terrible advice?

[NellysCheekPlaster]

I'm loving the other thread about excellent life-changing advice.

But I'm wondering about the flip side - the terrible advice we've all received.

Here's mine:
"Always be in a relationship with someone who loves you more than you love them".
I took the advice - what a shitshow. He was insecure, he was needy, he basically stalked me for the whole three years of our relationship and then for a year afterwards too.

Also:
"Just get it [tiny tattoo of a horny devil on my tragus]. It'll look great on you"
It did. In 2001.

“When someone is bullying you, just walk away because they’ll get bored eventually” (They didn’t!)

and pretty much all advice I get from my mother 😅

My mum is fantastic and gives good advice but I think she was wrong in her assessment that 'You can have a great career or kids, but not both, you can't "have it all"'. TBH, I don't think I'd ever have been a 'high flyer', certainly not early in my career, and it wasn't a well paid one, but maybe I'd have set my sights higher or differently if she'd been less discouraging about it?

That an endowment mortgage would both pay off the mortgage and give us an extra hefty lump sum. It did neither. We had to pay a huge sum extra to pay the mortgage.

Bullies will get bored if you don't react. If bloody only. Sadly if the rest of the class laugh then they'll carry right on.

Yeah - to go to uni!

Didn't it go well for you?

My form teacher from 12-16 years, told me at 14 "you won't be a lawyer, imagine arguing with name of class bully in the courtroom".

I'm a solicitor and do most of my own advocacy and I'm fine at it thanks.

Don't go out with that bloke you work with. Advice from my best friend at the time. In general probably good advice but we've been happily married for 20 years and don't work together any more.

Pretty much any advice given to me about child-rearing, from my stepmother. She has never raised a child but feels compelled to tell me what I should do about X, Y or Z

Around the time I went- I feel it was very much pushed on to people. The option of apprenticeships/ going straight into work etc was never explained or explored. It had a very negative connotation surrounding it- “go to uni or you won’t get a good job”. I’ll 100% do differently with my dc.

My gran worked for Citizen's Advice Bureau and retired about 20 years ago. She gives WONDERFUL advice.... if it were 2003.

I was coming on to say exactly what you said Op. my stepmother used to say it and I thought "huh? What you saying about my dad?". Apparently her mother told her and she was passing it on as sage advice. Utter bollocks

I found out from an unreliable source that my friends boyfriend cheated on her. I wanted to tell her straight away but another friend said to wait until we have evidence. My friend found out I knew - she never spoke to me again. That was 18 years ago and I miss her so much

Some in my school. After going into IT teaching, being able to touch type would have been so useful. Our head teacher could hold a conversation with you while typing an email (without looking at the screen) at the same time. I was so jealous!

Advice from DF when I was choosing uni degree was to just do something I enjoy, don't think about the job at the end. I instantly regretted my degree choice and wished I'd done something a bit more vocational. I'm in a good place now mainly due to the era in which I graduated. Will be telling the DC to think strategically.

Anything that comes out my mil mouth. And a lot of what my own mum says.

In your work life, any advice around get your head down, work hard, don’t make a fuss, dont ask for anything…in total bollocks.

If you want recognition, promotion, pay rise etc make sure people know what you’re doing, speak up and ask for what you want and make sure you’re the first in the room putting your hand up and making suggestions. Shy bairns get nowt.

"People like us don't go to Cambridge. It will be full of snobs." From one of my A-level teachers.
Thankfully, at the encouragement of another teacher, I applied and got in. It changed my whole life (and I found life-long friends who weren't snobs at all).

Mum: go into nursing, job for life.
I flunked the course. I was not a good fit for the job.
I now work in public transport.

'Don't let your intelligence show too much, it will emasculate men.' (My mum 🙄)

"Just keep feeding your baby that food he's allergic to. He'll soon get used to it" from the gp when I asked for testing due to reactions of swollen lips and vomiting!

MIL and her rules on how to be the perfect wife. Oh, I must add that if you don’t follow the below rules then apparently you cannot be shocked if he cheats and leaves you.

Rules are:

-Always cook for him
-Always have a nice clean home
-Always look nice for him for when he comes home from work

Once she finished rattling the rules off, I realised we were clearly from two different planets.

HNTRTFT but I am guilty of giving a friend bad advice. She had a problem with a joint and was recommended a PET scan . She was worried it would pick up other problems in her body!
I said don’t do it ,if it works don’t fix it ,why look for other problems etc . She had the scan because her husband urged her to .
She has been diagnosed with a very rare illness,found on her heart,Amyloidosis and now under The Royal Free getting treatment that wouldn’t have happened until she had symptoms.
Feel so bad…she still loves me 🙏

My friend gives me such shit relationship advice. Things like I should say 'darling, come and sit down and I'll get you a beer" to dh when he and I were having an argument and I was livid, as was he.
Or, I should always wear lipstick no matter what or my dh might have an affair.
And not to have too much 'masculine energy' and I should be more female in that I should be a bit more helpless and say things like 'oh darling, can you help me with this please because I can't manage by myself'. Apparently I'm too capable and that will send men running away.

@HighQueenOfTheFarRealm please read my comment and let me know if your friend is my MIL!!!