Are you “a bad parent” for wanting to go away for the weekend without your children?

[Strawberrywine1]

Someone in the extended family said that is kind of selfish that I like a weekend away with the other half once a year without the children.

I think it’s important we give each other time and it’s not always about the children. Whereas the children are this family member’s absolute world and they are a unit 24/7. I also think the children need to go away without us on scout camps etc etc. The other family member believes they are going to be together forever and one day I’d very much like that they fly off and enjoy their own lives. (Not in a bad way but I am under no illusion they won’t want to be living with mummy as adults, I hope not as there is so much to enjoy) I want them to be independent.

Good Lord. My parents didn’t go away as a couple without us but I think my dad’s annual marathon running trip and my mum’s annual “stones and bones” trips to Greece saved their marriage.

All family units are different, and there’s no right or wrong way of doing things. Investing in your marriage is being a good parent.

Once a year is selfish?! No way. Maybe jf you left them every single weekend. Your family member is very rude and judgemental!

Absolutely fine, unless they’re little and left by themselves, obviously!
Parents are allowed to have lives too.
I would much rather leave the kids with a trusted babysitter/grandparent etc and go and do things I enjoy, than drag them complaining to museums, restaurants, exhibitions that are not suitable for them.
Once or twice a year is no issue at all.

Haha yeah obviously not left alone. We are not just parents and I really enjoy some time where I’m not mummy and can stay up late or watch horror movies etc etc. Kids are still small. The other member is absolutely devoted and everything is about the kids. I love my children the same but we are people also with needs etc.

God, I'd love to be able to do that!!! Definitely not selfish, you need husband and wife time too. Ignore whoever said it, they're probably just jealous!!!

Of course not, mine did this, I can't say we loved it as children but it did us no harm whatsoever and probably a huge amount of good for them.

We didn't do whole weekends away when mine were little, just days and evenings (more for want of childcare than anything) but as soon as they were old enough we started going out without them regularly, sending them to school residentials, Scout camps etc. I do know families that have stuck together like glue and their children have turned into fully functioning adults too though.

@xyz111 I don’t think they are jealous they just do everything as a unit.

It is entirely possible to love your kids to the end of eternity but still want to have some time for yourself and your adult relationships. I think it is easy to lose sight of yourself and your relationship with your partner when you are deep in the throes of parenting so taking some time out to concentrate on yourselves is very important too.

@EndlesslyDistracted yeah each to there own, they all grow up eventually. It’s only once a year. I do think it’s good to let them go camping etc. Other family won’t let them out of their site. They are teenagers now and are too afraid to go away now.

My husband and I try to have a night ourselves every month. It gives us a break and lets us reconnect with each other. The kids live getting to spend time alone with their grandparents and vice versa.

What would your SIL say if you were planning a 14 night birthday/anniversary trip away without the kids like we are? I'm sure she and some others on here would have a lot to say about that but we are all excited about it - the kids included!

Not only do unblushingly I go away without DS, I also go away without DH, for no reason other than I want to.

Each to their own but I'd never be away from my kids overnight until they could understand the concept that I am gone temporarily and will be returning. At the moment my youngest isn't even 2 yet and i just don't think it would be fair on her as it would be confusing/ upsetting for her.

I would have loved an occasional getaway, but unfortunately didn’t have anyone to leave my kids with.

It’s absolutely fine if you can do it!

The only issue is the second baby came from one of those child free weekends!!!!

Unless this person is the one who looks after your dc while you are away, then their opinion is totally irrelevant.

I think it’s really important to try and keep the connection with your other half. When you have children you can sometimes become ‘passing ships in the night’ just dealing with life. If at all possible even a date night together is so good and a weekend away every so often would be brilliant! Think it’s important to show the children a healthy loving relationship where you want to spend time together.

Depends how old they are?
My daughter is going away for the first time with her friend without her sons.. they are 15 16 and 18 but I'm moving in to be with them.
I wouldn't do it until into teens personally.
I'd wantd to see my children enjoying themselves on holiday.. that's part of my holiday.

Of course not! You're an individual - you need some time to just be you, not a parent. Plus the kids need to understand that not everything has to revolve around them.
But the kids will love it, anyway, coz they get to have fun with whoever is looking after them. I used to look after friends' kids when their parents were away, and all of our relationships are still strong now the kids are in their 20s and 30s.

I think when they are very young, it is too soon to go away. I find it very odd when parents holiday in babies first year.

No

of course not, they're being stupid or probably jealous. you are still an individual, and likely your relationship will be stronger and last longer as a result. You want your children to learn independence and enjoy time with other people.

yes I want them to have resilience. It’s no judgement on them as they were young parents. I’ve been through it a bit and want to prepare them for life. There 2 kids are very timid and won’t go anywhere without the mum. They are loved etc but life is quite tough especially if you timid and anxious.

It's the dream to be honest (we've even talked about a week away for our next joint big birthday) but alas it's just a dream. Too skint, too many other things we need to get sorted etc.

I think the key questions are: how old are the children? Who will be looking after them?

You do sound as if you think you are a far better parent / spouse than the family member though. Everyone parents differently

It is obviously beneficial to a relationship to do this, but I think it’s also inspiring to a child to know their parents are exploring the world in their own right. I want to normalise it for them when they’re adults / parents too because a bit of freedom is great for the soul.

We go away as a couple and I also go away with my friends and I think it’s so important that my children know I’m a person in my own right as the vast majority of my life has been, and will always be, dedicated to them.