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Original poster

Are you “a bad parent” for wanting to go away for the weekend without your children?

55 replies

Strawberrywine1 · 14/02/2024 13:14

Someone in the extended family said that is kind of selfish that I like a weekend away with the other half once a year without the children.

I think it’s important we give each other time and it’s not always about the children. Whereas the children are this family member’s absolute world and they are a unit 24/7. I also think the children need to go away without us on scout camps etc etc. The other family member believes they are going to be together forever and one day I’d very much like that they fly off and enjoy their own lives. (Not in a bad way but I am under no illusion they won’t want to be living with mummy as adults, I hope not as there is so much to enjoy) I want them to be independent.

OP posts:
FlibbedyFlobbedyFloo · 14/02/2024 16:00

I actually think it's to be encouraged.
In my opinion, kids need to have parents in a good relationship. And relationships take work.
Having quality one on one time is very beneficial

onawave · 14/02/2024 16:02

I don't think it's selfish. We have at least 2 weekends a year away just us. Plus the odd night and day alone at home while the kids are at their grandparents.
Admittedly our first night away from the eldest did result in the youngest.

Original poster
Strawberrywine1 · 14/02/2024 16:02

@Abracadabra12345 not especially. I didn’t make a comment about them not going away as I didn’t think much of it until they said something about us going away for the weekend. “How can you possibly leave them alone etc, we’d never dream of it as they are more important than us going away”. Like I said their children are has as much loved and really good kids.

OP posts:

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Families
Bookist · 14/02/2024 16:05

God no. DH and I have always had short breaks away from our DDs. DH has also always had golf breaks with his mates, and I've always had weekends away with my girlfriends.

I think it is vital for a happy marriage and an overall, positive family dynamic. I think it's so important that your children see you as a person in your own right, with your own interests and aspirations - not just their Mum & Dad.

Both our DDs are now away at university but are still always keen to meet up and socialise with us. I like to think it's because we're still good, interesting people who are still doing lots with their lives. Many of their friends rarely return home now 'because Mum and Dad are boring.'

LolaSmiles · 14/02/2024 16:08

It's not selfish but it's definitely an each to their own situation.

Some of my friends had weekends and nights away when their children were younger but doing that didn't sit well with me and DH.
No judgement towards them as it was right for them and their family, and their children were looked after by relatives. It just wasn't the right decision for us when ours were that young.

Thelondonone · 14/02/2024 16:25

I’m a teacher and have to go away as part of my job. Dh also travels with work. I think we left our kids for a wedding at about 6 months. It’s horses for courses but my 2 seem well adapted and I like my husband. Our family holidays don’t involve much (read any) sex, so time alone is important.

kellin · 14/02/2024 16:55

A holiday without the dcs doesn't appeal to me at all but I don't judge others who do it. I would just miss them, and have more fun with them than without.

DH and I have hobbies and interests without the dcs and they can see us as people in our own right without us going away without them.

I'm sure they can become independent without us having those holidays. I definitely plan for them to have trips with school and hobbies but because they're fun opportunities for them (we would still have the other dc at home so it wouldn't be child-free time for us).

caringcarer · 14/02/2024 17:18

I've always had a week holiday with DH every year. My MiL and Fil looked after my DC. They lived by the seaside and absolutely loved having my DC to stay with her and they were not even her biological DGC. We had another family holiday for a couple of weeks with DC and in-laws. Those weeks of looking after my DC helped them bond. Now my Fil has died my MiL lives alone, my DC are grown adults but regularly drive 150 miles to see their Nan.

Original poster
Strawberrywine1 · 14/02/2024 19:05

They are only little weekends in a camper van, nothing aboard or far away. We have plenty of trips with them.

OP posts:
superplumb · 15/02/2024 07:46

Not selfish at all. God I'd love to get away and have a peaceful evening and a lie in

LividBath · 15/02/2024 07:57

One of the advantages of getting divorced (and you’ve got to look for the silver linings don’t you) is learning to adapt to enforced child free time.

I’m currently on a solo night away while my ex deals with the non-sleeping toddler.

When we were married the claustrophobia of it didn’t help. We both needed alone time and couple time we weren’t getting. That’s not what broke us up but getting alone time IS something i’m learning to appreciate as a divorced mum.

And even though my ex is an ex for very good reasons, I appreciate that solo parents who never get that break are in a much harder position. But you do you and let her do her.

Original poster
Strawberrywine1 · 15/02/2024 08:40

Exactly I do me based on my life experiences and she do her based on her experiences. I just wish people would keep their opinions to themselves. People think they love their kids more or deserve a medal for their opinions and its not true.

OP posts:
mondaytosunday · 15/02/2024 09:16

My parents usually did a holiday with just themselves most years. And my mother would go back alone to her home country most years for a week too.
We used to go away for a weekend around our anniversary.
I agree with you - your relationship with your partner should be a priority and it's not selfish in the least to want to go away alone together.

mindutopia · 15/02/2024 09:22

Of course not! That sounds like someone who is either jealous or hung up on their own identity as someone who constantly sacrifices for everyone.

Even better, I go away for a week usually every year, sometimes another weekend here or there sprinkled in, without my children or dh. It's wonderful! We have no family help or any sort of overnight childcare, so time away together alone is just not possible. But I do take a proper holiday abroad without any of them annually.

WhereHaveMyMarblesGone · 15/02/2024 09:24

We always had a few weekends away each year, either as a couple or alone with friends.
The kids loved it because they stayed with my parents who spoilt them rotten.
Everyone happy.

WandaWonder · 15/02/2024 09:31

Juts because someone says something does not make it true

You want to do it so do it

Original poster
Strawberrywine1 · 15/02/2024 09:32

@mondaytosunday Yes my relationship is one of my priorities. I wondered if maybe I felt like it because my family is blended and theirs isn’t. I have to give us some time alone as blending families takes a lot of commitment. But it seems lots of people go away.

OP posts:
Tourmalines · 15/02/2024 09:50

One weekend a year is nothing !! Go away and enjoy as much as you can . Each to their own. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad. Couple time is important too .

PuttingDownRoots · 15/02/2024 09:57

I think itsselfish, if the child and other family members are happy to do so, not to let children build healthy relationships with extended family. From about 2yo mine loved spending the weekend with their grandparents and cousin.

And as they got older... sleepovers with friends, scout trips, school trips...

Mine have both chosen to go on Scout camps on their birthdays for example!

TheFluffiestCat · 16/02/2024 10:44

I don't think it makes you a bad parent. DH and I go away for the weekend for our anniversary most years, he goes on a walking weekend with his mates, I go away by myself, DD and I go away with friends, DD goes on Pack Holiday with Brownies, and we all go on a family holiday together. I think it's healthy and positive to do things separately as well as together.

Traumdeuter · 16/02/2024 10:47

TemplesofDelight · 14/02/2024 13:40

Not only do unblushingly I go away without DS, I also go away without DH, for no reason other than I want to.

Me too. I love it. I also love being a parent but I haven’t stopped liking all the things I used to do frequently before parenthood; there’s just fewer opportunities to go to gigs, weekends away etc.

greglet · 16/02/2024 10:54

I have a nearly two year old and DH and I have a night away once every couple of months and have done since he was 11 months old; I’ve also got a couple of solo (well, with friends but without DS and DH) nights away planned.

DS stays with his grandparents when we're away and has a whale of a time. I don't feel guilty about it: parenting is HARD and DH and I need some time together/to ourselves to recharge. In our case, it makes us better parents.

That said, I’ve never left DS for longer than one night; we're leaving him for two nights in April and I do feel a bit wobbly about it, so I can understand why some people don't want to leave their children at all.

PandaChopChop · 16/02/2024 11:02

No it's not selfish! We used to have nights off/away and DC would be looked after by DM. They have a wonderful relationship and their own "things" that they do together, it's lovely.

Not only did we go away together, I used to go on holiday with without any of them.
Do what works for your family OP🙂

januaryislong · 16/02/2024 16:57

It always worked for us when my children were younger and I've also got no doubt at all that it contributed to my older children now being confident and adventurous children. It also means that me and my husband have retained a good relationship away from the children. Just as well given we are about to be empty nesters! It's not healthy to have no time away from your children imo.

Universalsnail · 16/02/2024 16:59

Honestly I would have a childfree weekend once a month if we had decent Grandparents who liked having them like my Grandparents did. But I don't so we don't. But like aslong as your children are happy wherever they are staying, it's healthy to spend time with just your partner.