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Can wife be turned into a tidy as they cook person?

67 replies

SealDeal · 13/02/2024 14:54

My lovely partner and I share out house work fairly evenly. She does most of the laundry, we do about half the life admin and half the cleaning each. I do most of the cooking, but she makes the odd meal as well as sometimes doing breakfast for the kid and making herself snacks etc.

And every time she gets in the kitchen she is SOOO so so messy and wasteful. I’m talking loaves of bread with one slice cut left out to go stale, mayonnaise covered spoons plonked down on clean surfaces, packets thrown back into cupboards in a way that means they are guaranteed to fall into the head of the next person to open them, everything left out of the fridge to spoil, six pans used to make pasta and then left all over the worktops to “soak.” It’s like the second she starts eating her food she becomes blind to the mess she’s made… and I genuinely don’t think she can help it, she’s just made that way and acknowledges it’s not ideal!

I’m a tidy as you cook sort of person, always have been and always leave the kitchen clean before going to bed, don’t waste food etc. - just the way I was raised. I have plenty of my own flaws of course (any tips on remedy to put away clothes gratefully received)

So my genuine question is, can she somehow become a tidy as you cook person (and if so how, I don’t want to just nag but I also don’t want to just do it all). Or is it a fixed thing and I’m condemned to a life of following her around putting things away and getting food poisoning?

Lighthearted

OP posts:
Topee · 13/02/2024 14:57

So you struggle to put away clothes and she struggles to be a tidy cook. Why are you trying to fix her rather than yourself?

Spaghettieis · 13/02/2024 14:58

Do you have a dishwasher and is it being run/emptied often enough that she can stick stuff straight in there as she goes and so that things don’t need to soak?

Is she getting distracted by things after eating? I don’t think stuff has to be tidied up before you eat but if she’s meaning to
put the mayo back in the fridge after eating her sandwich but then dashing off to do something else after eating instead, are there ways to change that?

And get a spoon rest?

CheeseSandwichRiskAssessment · 13/02/2024 14:59

Are you a man or a woman ?

Spaghettieis · 13/02/2024 14:59

Clothes - is it ones you’ve worn or post-laundry? If the former, use a hook instead of a chair. It limits the number you can have out. If the latter, just designate a time to do it I think like Monday evenings or whatever, ideally close to when you normally do the laundry!

BeachBeerBbq · 13/02/2024 15:01

CheeseSandwichRiskAssessment · 13/02/2024 14:59

Are you a man or a woman ?

Seriously doesn't matter to normal people

Topseyt123 · 13/02/2024 15:04

I am also a tidy as you go along as much as possible sort of cook too and masses of mess left lying just drives me round the bend.

DH is a very messy sort of person in the kitchen and that is generally why I like to keep him out of it except when he is making us both a cup of tea. 🤣

BeachBeerBbq · 13/02/2024 15:05

Dh is more clean as you cook person than me, but tbh I still make quarter of the mess you describe. My "might make another" sandwich knife drove him crazy.
I got better because I had to when we moved once into tiny winy kitchen and if you didn't clean as you cooked, you couldn't fit!

Re laundry. If it's clean, just do it, doNOY put it down somewhere or it will become itsnew home... Hard learned lesson here.

coxesorangepippin · 13/02/2024 15:05

Sounds like a Chinese proverb

OneMoreTime23 · 13/02/2024 15:12

“The kid”. 🙄

Ermengarde · 13/02/2024 15:13

I’m naturally very messy and my DH (who does a lot of cooking) is a tidy/wash up as you go person. I’ve got a lot better over the years and it’s mainly from seeing how he does it and just picking up habits from him. It’s taken 20 years though so not exactly a quick process!

AgentProvocateur · 13/02/2024 15:14

Is that you, DH? 😂

NowWhatUsernameShallIHave · 13/02/2024 15:16

CheeseSandwichRiskAssessment · 13/02/2024 14:59

Are you a man or a woman ?

😂😂😂😂

scrambled678 · 13/02/2024 15:17

I had to re-read the title of this post so many times before it made sense 😂😂

NowWhatUsernameShallIHave · 13/02/2024 15:18

I’m more concerned about you trying to ‘change’ your partner rather than help her

is this a reverse thread?

Rosequartzz · 13/02/2024 15:20

Oh yes ! She definitely can become alot better and a 'tidy as you go along' person. I say this as the previously very messy cook, the whole kitchen would look like it exploded ! I could use a tonne of spoons and pans for a simple meal.

It actually became better when my husband would keep cleaning up around me and ask me what I needed and we then just became a good partnership (looking back he definitely secretly trained me). He would then leave me to it alone and I was so proud to tidy as Igo putting things away, organising my ingrediants, literally washing up as I go, or if i made the base sauce for a dish I could then reuse the dish.

Previously,
I used to have a mountain of dishes when sitting down for dinner now we have a perfectly clean kitchen and dishes whilst being able to sit down for a hot meal.

What helped me, was seeing him cleaning up around me and it made me feel like I was being a nuisance and actually seeing how messy I was (it was no longer something I laughed at myself for).

Its so much better being this way, when I have guests over for meals I love that they find a less chaotic atmosphere, a clean kitchen and food is made.

SealDeal · 13/02/2024 15:20

NowWhatUsernameShallIHave · 13/02/2024 15:18

I’m more concerned about you trying to ‘change’ your partner rather than help her

is this a reverse thread?

@NowWhatUsernameShallIHave “help” as in just tidy up after her (which I do currently), or “help” as in help her to change?

OP posts:
Sophist · 13/02/2024 15:21

Does she tidy afterwards? I don't see that it matters whether she tidies as she goes or does it all at the end as long as it gets done. Stop following her round putting things away, that sounds really annoying.

CatamaranViper · 13/02/2024 15:23

If you find a way to do this, let my DH know please.

Even if he was cooking chicken nuggets and chips he'd use every single pot, pan, garlic press, potato ricer, bread machine etc that we own.

Elephantsareace · 13/02/2024 15:29

How is cleaning up handled?

If the person who cooks also cleans up, and she does this, what difference does it make to you when it happens? I'm a messy cook, ex was a clean as he goes, and I had to ban him from the kitchen when it was my turn to cook because he was an annoying, interfering fucker.

If it's one cook/one clean, wait till she's finished.

If you clean up after yourself, and she expects you to clean up after her, then it's not about timing, but fairness, and needs a different conversation.

SealDeal · 13/02/2024 15:30

Spaghettieis · 13/02/2024 14:59

Clothes - is it ones you’ve worn or post-laundry? If the former, use a hook instead of a chair. It limits the number you can have out. If the latter, just designate a time to do it I think like Monday evenings or whatever, ideally close to when you normally do the laundry!

Ones I’ve worn, used to put them on the floor, then a chair, now in my wardrobe in a pile (so they’re at least out of sight and only annoy me!!)

I used to not put away clean ones too. But wife trained me out of that by putting them away for me … in all the wrong places (she later told me it was a strategy.) Problem solved, I now do it myself

OP posts:
midgetastic · 13/02/2024 16:06

Pop into the kitchen when she is finished cooking and nothing will have had time to spoil

AngelsWithSilverWings · 13/02/2024 16:09

Are you my DH?

vodkaredbullgirl · 13/02/2024 16:11

Sounds like your made for each other.

OkPedro · 13/02/2024 16:12

CatamaranViper · 13/02/2024 15:23

If you find a way to do this, let my DH know please.

Even if he was cooking chicken nuggets and chips he'd use every single pot, pan, garlic press, potato ricer, bread machine etc that we own.

😂😂😂 My ex partner is like this.. note EX 😆

sunshine237 · 13/02/2024 17:32

AgentProvocateur · 13/02/2024 15:14

Is that you, DH? 😂

Ha ha, I was wondering the same 😆

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