Use your words

[RafaFan]

Light-hearted post here. Is there an expression or phrase that sets your teeth on edge? I find the phrase "use your words", frequently used on MN, totally grating. I have NEVER heard anybody use this expression in real life, not even to a four-year-old, never mind grown adults.

Oh yes, I really dislike the whole "What did they say when you confronted them?" thing. Especially when the OP has already explained why she hasn't done so.

Okay, as the parent of two young children, who have been in a variety of childcare and school settings, I still maintain I have never heard the expression "use your words" in real life, but I can understand why it would be useful to say this to a three-year-old having a meltdown. I can't imagine saying it to an adult would ever end well though, and on MN it's only ever used condescendingly.

Having read some of the comments on here, I can add "reach out" to my list (even sometimes use this myself, and cringe when doing so) and pet parent/fur baby. I say this as a dog lover.

"Gotten" is correct though, in American English.

But it isn't where I happen to hear it, in the UK.

"Ill-gotten gains" is different. Part of a phrase like that is, as you say an old saying, but that isn't how I hear it used so often in the media.

what does use your words mean? speak?

I think use your words is perfectly apt for the many posters who put more energy into posting lengthy essays about being wronged than just saying to the person they're annoyed with, 'im annoyed!'

Annoying things people say?

When someone is coming to a conclusion of something and says 'Reader, I missed the last train home!' (Urgh cringe.)

'Educate yourself.' (Patronising.)

'Why are you so angry?' (Condescending.... and designed to shut someone down who is passionate about something.) See also 'Calm Down...'

'LTB.' (Leave the bastard.) Like it's sooooo easy to just leave your DH/DP, and pack up your life into 3 suitcases and walk away from your life and start anew on your own!

And one I saw today on a thread where a poster was worried and upset about her rising mortgage rates, and said 'help what can I do?' and someone said 'get a better job that pays more...' What a stupid thing to say. Do they think the OP is not doing the best she can already regarding her job? So easy to say 'get another job!' Ludicrous advice.

Someone calling another poster 'unhinged.' (Vile comment. And against the T & C.)

'Say it with your chest.' WTF does that even mean? It's as bad as 'Use your words...'

#BEKIND

Someone starting a sentence with...... Kindly OP.... and then going on to post a scathing attack on them and pretending it's just 'tough love...'

'Are you quite well?'

There are many more things that annoy me. I'm sure I can think of some later (if someone else doesn't mention them first!)

.

In general terms, yes. And it does make sense to say it to a three-year-old having a meltdown, who's communicating by screaming (apparently it's commonly used by childcare workers, although I have never personally heard anyone say it in real life). But it's always popping up on MN in an extremely patronising way e.g. telling somebody who's posted about, for example, something annoying their mother-in-law is doing to "use your words". Often when the poster has already said they've asked the person not to do whatever it is. 😬

Being told to go and 'educate yourself'. Especially when they say it isn't their job to educate you.

Nope. Jog on love. If you want me to understand your point of view, tell me yourself.

'Gotten' has never dropped out of use in my part of Scotland. It's used frequently by friends and family and has done for the 50 years of my life.

There is no need to add 'got' to another word either as in 'I have got a headache'. 'I have a headache' is good enough.

I use "use your words" often with the kids, ironic given DS is non verbal

I find that often when people tell you to "educate yourself" what they actually mean is "agree with my point of view". It's as if they can't comprehend that someone may have all the same information as them, but have a different perspective on it.

All of this. Also used when they've run out of argument for their side, and instead of agreeing to disagree they use 'educate yourself' as some kind of mic drop like they think it means they 'win'... No, it's very clear you haven't 'educated yourself' enough to keep going...

sets your teeth on edge

I hate this expression and only ever come across it on Mumsnet and I have never heard anyone say it.

You’d be surprised at how many parents of 3-5 year olds presumably respond to wailing, pointing or moaning, presumably because it’s easier than encouraging their child to speak properly. I don’t say ‘use your words’ but hear it said a lot, I tend to say ‘if you don’t talk then I can’t understand you’

I use Use your words with my son to remind him when he's getting frustrated to tell us what's wrong.

I hate-
It's my truth
No offence but
I'm just being honest

Unless they are American of course. Do you know the nationality of everyone who posts on Mumsnet?

"Use your words" annoys me too - so patronising and I've never heard it in real life either.

Other annoying words/expressions I only encounter on MN:
Reach out
You do you
Fur baby
My bad
Naice
Tinkly laugh
Boils my piss
Picky tea
Hubby
Bestie
🍿

Oh, and another thing, posters screaming "drip feed!!" when the OP adds some innocuous detail in a later post. It's just such infantile point scoring.

In my _ era 🫠

Absolutely! I thought the whole point of being educated is to learn something. You can't teach yourself something you don't even know.

Use your words is a phrase very much recommended IME by speech and language therapists for dc with speech struggles.

We used it a lot for our dc up to about age 7 and it worked really well for him.

It is designed to help remind children who struggle to get words out (and so their first instinct might be to cry or melt down) that they can first try using language to get their needs met. This is often so hard for children with speech and language struggles.

Yep! You can't just decide that something is true to you. It's either true or not.

There's a difference in tone.
"Have got" is less formal than "have" on its own.

It's just personal choice as to which you use.

TBF @RafaFan the only time I've ever heard anyone say 'use your words' has been by my niece, who is a primary school teacher, to my great-niece, who is 3!