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Original poster

To ask for your honest experiences of having two children under 2

32 replies

TheVintageMum · 11/02/2024 17:58

Hi Mumsnetters 👋

I turned 36 at the end of last year and currently have a 10 month old DC. My DH and I are currently considering if we should start trying to conceive baby number 2. We would absolutely love 2 children and we are aware that due to my age we do not have a whole lot of time to wait. However, I do feel slightly apprehensive about the reality of life with two children so close together in age. I was 34 when I conceived our first baby and was extremely lucky that it only took one month of trying. However, I am aware that this will likely not be the case this time round! My main concern is that my oldest child would not get the level of attention they need from me once the new baby arrives and we are both sleep deprived. I have made the decision to be a SAHP until my DC is three and will be starting at our local maintained nursery school. Part of me also thinks that having them close together will mean I can enjoy my years of being a SAHP but then return to work sooner than if we were to have a bigger gap.

Would love to hear your honest experiences!

OP posts:
FMW · 11/02/2024 18:21

20 months between mine. It was hard for the first year. Since then, it’s got easier
year-by-year. Now they’re early primary age, they like the same things and they get on really nicely, most of the time. I did get fed up with changing nappies so the younger one was potty-trained pretty early, but having two close together compressed all that sort of stuff into a shorter period anyway, which was definitely a bonus.

RandomMess · 11/02/2024 18:24

14 months between my middle 2 and it was fine. Was easier than the 5 year and 2 year gaps I had.

Ratfinkstinkypink · 11/02/2024 18:26

I have less than two years between my birth children and since then have fostered several pairs of unrelated babies at the same time. The smallest age gap was 4 months. Once you are in the swing of it it is absolutely fine.

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MinnieTruck · 11/02/2024 18:27

Both myself and a friend of mine found it awful for so many reasons. I have an age gap of 11 months and she had an age gap of 13 months. I would never go through that again but some people enjoyed it. I think your experience will depend on a lot of things, especially the support system that you have

Chairwoman · 11/02/2024 18:28

See I’m going to go against the grain and say I absolutely hated and struggled with a 22 month gap. 3.5 years was much easier!

AhBiscuits · 11/02/2024 18:30

Almost exactly 2 years between mine and it was absolutely fine. It's so normal round here, half the kids in DD's class have a sibling 2 years above or below.
Wait until mid-thirties then bang out two, one after the other is the modern way.

beepbeep · 11/02/2024 18:33

I had 3 under 3, I wish I’d had bigger gaps if I’m honest.

Desecratedcoconut · 11/02/2024 18:34

22 months between my two. It was busy but a lot of fun. My eldest still took regular naps on an afternoon, so we all got a rest in the middle of the day which was helpful for the first year with two.

Windydaysandwetnights · 11/02/2024 18:38

I did a small gap more than once... 4 times in fact. Smallest of the small gaps was 13 months. Biggest was 15 months. Well timed naps and bedtimes are vital for staying moderately sane...

FluffyDiplodocus · 11/02/2024 18:38

Mine are two years apart almost exactly, it was a bit tough in the early days, but it’s paid off hugely in how close they are now and how well they play together. I was so panicked when I found out I was pregnant with my second but actually I’d choose the same gap over again now!

trooc · 11/02/2024 18:40

Consider the gap at the other end as well. Supporting 2 DC through university at the same time isn't easy.

Goldfishonabike · 11/02/2024 18:41

Depends totally on your situation and the kids nature.
two under twos or with two year or just a bit age gap is a lot of work and little
sleep. So if you have a stable home-life and a partner who pulls their weigh and none of the kids are out of the ordinary difficult, you’ll be fine.
I had 25 months between mine and the second was colicky and never slept more than 2 hours in a row,
we also had to move twice before he turned 2 and my partner was working a lot. It was hell.

Andywarholswig · 11/02/2024 18:41

I had 21 months between mine and although it was hard for the first year, it’s worked out really well as I have 2 DDs and they are super close despite being very different children. It got all the nappies and nursery out of the way quickly and also from a career perspective worked out well. It was seriously expensive for nursery though

ZannaDelaney · 11/02/2024 18:46

19 months between mine. I found it quite hard but I was glad once they were both out of nappies and sleeping through. I think if I had waited longer I wouldn't have had a second child as I was not keen on the baby years and glad to be out of them.

My children don't get on well - chalk and cheese - but that's a risk with any age difference.

TheSnowyOwl · 11/02/2024 18:48

I loved the small age gap and found it better than the bigger age gap withy third. You are in the same mindset re feeding, sleeping, toddler groups etc, the children have the same interests and enjoy the same thing at the same time.

chandlerbingsboom · 11/02/2024 18:48

I have twins who have just turned two... I have been a single parent since they were very young which no doubt adds to my experience and I also returned to work when they were just past one years old...

It is full on having two children in nappies and two children who are still very young and unable to articulate their needs properly so when they both have a meltdown it can feel hugely overwhelming.

However, I'll offer you some positives based on what I've seen from friends who have children with big age gaps:

They have the same/similar interests so you won't spend your weekends taking one to an activity they are too old/too young for to accommodate the other.

Clothes sharing- mine are boy twins and the same size but this is unique to twins but you'll have the opportunity to hand down clothes pretty quickly between two with a small age gap.

People often marvel at how I cope with the tiredness when sleep is out the window. But honestly, I think whether you're up with one screaming baby or two, youre going to be knackered either way. I think those who have the "break" where they get past the sleepless night ages and then go back into it years later struggle more and then will likely have a school age child to have to get up and get ready in the morning. At least the window of "sleepless stage" is a lot shorter and will be over in a few years rather than it spanning over many.

Similarly you're already in your flow of having a baby/toddler. Trends/recommendations with babies seem to change quickly so you won't have to re-learn anything as you'll either already be doing it or it'll be recent enough for you to remember.

X

Skyebe · 11/02/2024 18:52

I have exactly 13 months between my daughter and son. Hardest time of my life was ages 1 and 2. However seeing how close they are now together...I'd do it again. I call them my twins who arent twins.
For me a 4 year gap is hard in different ways and too big.

onawave · 11/02/2024 18:52

There's 13 months between my 2. Eldest is 2 almost 3. Youngest is 21 months. Our house is absolute mayhem most of the time but it's great. They are so close and so sweet together. It's easy to go out because they both like the same things and most things that are age appropriate for one are for both. We were very lucky though that for the most part they are both great sleepers (eldest had a few rough patches in her first year) if that wasn't the case I might feel differently.
The only down side is the eye watering amount we pay in nursery fees.

chandlerbingsboom · 11/02/2024 18:52

Also to add, I'm a similar age to you... and I notice my energy levels aren't what they were a few years ago (likely related to children!) but also my age... Nothing is guaranteed of course when you are trying to conceive but I wouldn't want to be doing the baby stage in a few years time. I say this with kindness and as someone who did years of IVF and have friends who didn't have their IVF babies until they were into their 40's... but it is another factor to consider.

Original poster
TheVintageMum · 11/02/2024 19:23

Thank you all for sharing. I have not had a chance to properly read through the replies yet but it will be hugely helpful to hear what other parents, with first hand experience, have to say.

OP posts:
zinky · 11/02/2024 19:30

DS is 2.7 yo
DD is 2m and a half
It is very tricky, one of us needs to look after one of them, alone with both is difficult..
DD has been so far: sleeping and eating but I am EBF so I have to spend more time with her ..
DS needs lots of attention, he is learning and talking more and more, and so curious about everything..

EcoCustard · 11/02/2024 19:45

There was 12 months between dc1 &dc2 and I was 35. (Fit, healthy and coped well with the sleep deprivation). It was mostly great, I had a good routine of up and about, dog walk/activity out, or specific stuff at home. Dc1 was the grumpiest, reflux (then CMPA) baby that didn’t sleep or nap. Dc2 was a dream, fed, napped, super chilled etc. I did a lot with them, out and about to the beach, farms, swimming etc. They learnt a lot of stuff at the same time, tying their shoelaces etc. They were inseparable and at 9 & 8 still very much are. They are in the same class (mixed) for one year out of two where they don’t mix. I had a Good routine it was great, DH worked away mon-fri. They have a similar friendship group which is handy at times, days out are good as they have similar likes/interests. I went on to have 3 under 3 then 4 under 4, that was and is chaotic at times but great fun too. I am quite tired now though and starting back to work after a few years out. My friends tell me how tiring it will be, they have no idea 😁

HazeyjaneIII · 11/02/2024 19:45

I had dd1 at 37 and dd2 13 months later. They didn't go to preschool until they turned 3 (and I had ds when dd1 was just about to turn 4)..so I was home with them full time.
It was full on, but I loved it... things were a little trickier when ds arrived, and I had 3 under 4, especially as he had complex needs.
We didn't have family locally and moved twice to different areas before dds were 2 and 1, so had to make friends etc.
They are 17, 16 and 13 now and get on pretty well. Dd1 and 2 have always shared a room and although they have very different personalities, still enjoy each other's company.
I think I lowered my already pretty low standards when I had them, and embraced the chaos!

Thesonofaphesantplucker · 11/02/2024 19:49

I have 4 children. I had 2 under 2 twice, and a gap of 4 years between DC 2 & 3.

In terms of day to day ease in the first year or 2, the bigger gap was a lot easier, but as they have got slightly older, the closer gaps are a lot easier and DC 2 & 3 are just a little bit too far apart age wise (in terms of what we are used to here!)

PlantsFallLikeDominoes · 11/02/2024 19:49

I did it but I was quite old school with timed feeding, naps and basically you have to be organised AF. I doubt you'd be able to do it and stay sane if you aren't prepared to sleep train and (very un M but it worked for me) Gina Ford it a bit.

I liked it, it was great during the primary and secondary years. They played together etc but otoh I do feel like they both missed out a bit from having more one to one time. It was hard having them both talking at me and needing me or less the same. Pros and cons. If time isn't on your side and you want two then I'd say crack on and Gina Ford it to survive!