To ask for your honest experiences of having two children under 2

[TheVintageMum]

Hi Mumsnetters 👋

I turned 36 at the end of last year and currently have a 10 month old DC. My DH and I are currently considering if we should start trying to conceive baby number 2. We would absolutely love 2 children and we are aware that due to my age we do not have a whole lot of time to wait. However, I do feel slightly apprehensive about the reality of life with two children so close together in age. I was 34 when I conceived our first baby and was extremely lucky that it only took one month of trying. However, I am aware that this will likely not be the case this time round! My main concern is that my oldest child would not get the level of attention they need from me once the new baby arrives and we are both sleep deprived. I have made the decision to be a SAHP until my DC is three and will be starting at our local maintained nursery school. Part of me also thinks that having them close together will mean I can enjoy my years of being a SAHP but then return to work sooner than if we were to have a bigger gap.

Would love to hear your honest experiences!

20 months - bloody hard work, I almost can't remember the early days of the second child, I was so overwhelmed.
4 years - feels like a single child again, lovely baby toddler years, but as they get older as pp said, difficult taking them all to activities as they won't all fit in the age range.

I have to say, there is no way I could have done the Gina Ford thing...or timed naps etc..so I don't think being disorganised is a deal breaker. Obviously it's different strokes for different folks, but for me, going with the flow was the only way I could manage!

Ah I needed mine to have a bedtime and a regular nap time so I could just sit in silence without being touched. I couldn't have dealt with broken nights sleep and never having 5 minutes to myself.

Do you definitely want a second OP? It's okay to have one if you just want one. Lots of pros.

I had eleven months between numbers three and four and found it so much easier than the three year gap between one and two. Both at similar stages past the ages of one to two and similar likes. Helps that I had the same sex for the last two of course. Don't get me wrong the first two years were hard work but it got easier and at least I didn't have different school drop offs and pick ups for one at nursery one at school like I did with the first two

My eldest is about to turn two and I have a 16 month gap
Can’t say I love it can’t say I hate it

But any tips or words of advice because at times I feel like I’m Failing

There is almost exactly two years between my DDs and honestly, it's been fine! The first year was admittedly a bit of a blur and the worst thing was when I went back to work having two in nursery at the same time and the associated cost but at that time we only got the 30 free hours the term after they turned three.

DH and I figured we were already in the thick of it with nappies, disturbed sleep and generally having babies/toddlers so we may as well go all in and know that our family was complete. We were actually trying for a smaller age gap, but it took me a while to conceive DD2.

The main cons were cost of nursery, two in nappies at the same time and life being generally hectic. But the pros have really outweighed that. They are both at primary school now, get on well, have similar interests and are into the same things. I hated the year we had one at school and one at nursery and two sets of drop offs and pick ups so I was glad we minimised the time we were having to be in two different places 🤣. My friend had her second child when her eldest started school and personally by that point I wouldn't have wanted to go right back to the start of having a newborn, sleepless nights etc and to be doing nursery or school runs for years and years!

If they both end up at university at the same time then that will obviously be very expensive but there's no guarantee that's what they'll do and we have years to plan so I wouldn't use that as a reason not to go for it.

Around a two year age gap is really, really common in my circle of friends and at DDs' school. It does seem to be the pattern of reaching mid 30s and then having two in quick succession which isn't surprising if it's taken until your 30s to get married, settled at work, adequate housing etc and then your body clock is ticking to start a family.

18 months between my two boys. The hardest thing for me at the beginning was that DS1 wasn't walking yet so I had to carry the two of them at times! DS1 was very full on when he was born and I struggled so I kept him in creche 3 days a week when DS2 was born. That saved my sanity, that and DS2 was a dream baby.

Agree with PP that you're already in sleep deprived mode so having 2 waking in the night didn't make much difference. Though I did feel all I ever did was prep food, change nappies and organize sleep so those early years were just a blur!

They're 10 and 12 now and get on great. I like the close age gap as they have similar interests so we're not planning separate days out/activities and they play with each other's friends etc. I see friends with bigger age gaps that are trying to entertain both a teen and a younger child and that seems harder in lots of ways