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Daughter followed home and inappropriate comments/behaviour

39 replies

BerryPieandCustard · 10/02/2024 09:42

I have been up most of the night playing over what happened/could have happened to my daughter and as it is a weekend I think that I will be worrying all weekend so I wanted to ask for any advice if anyone has experienced similar.

Yesterday at 2:25 I had a call from my Daughters school, she is 12 and in year 8, it was her head of year who informed me that my daughter had disclosed to her that a boy in the same year had been making inappropriate comments including saying he wanted to rape her and gestures towards her and that on Thursday he followed her home and wanted to/tried to gain entry to our home. She informed me that a safeguarding report would be completed and that they would report the incident to the police. Head of year also said I was free to also make a police report, I have done this.

I spoke to my daughter about what has happened (before making the police report) and she has told me the following.

In a maths class boy had mimicked a blow job and said that he wanted my daughter to do that to him. This was apparently seen by the teacher who reported this within the school.

in the lunch line the boy was repeatedly hugging my daughter despite her pushing him off her. This ended up in her slapping/kicking him. He apparently reported to staff that she had done this but daughter was never spoken to.

these incidents have occurred over the last 8-10 days and have also included him attempting to touch or be physically close to my daughter during break/lunch times. Daughter said he makes her (and a number of other girls feel uneasy and unsafe)

Thursday my daughter was walking home from a church youth group she attends after school and stopped at the local shops on the estate before heading home. This boy was there and he stood in front of her, face to face and used both hands to tuck her hair behind her ears and told her to kiss him. She refused.

another boy at the shops (same year group) saw what was happening and told the boot leave her alone. The boy said that he was going to follow my daughter home. My daughter left to come home and the boy who had seen what was going on told the other boy not to follow as my daughters dad would be mad.

the boy followed her home and said that he wanted to rape her. When he saw no cars outside our house he commented that no one was home. He came up the path and was attempting to touch my daughter and asking/saying he wanted to come in. She started to shout saying to leave her alone and was lashing out at him using her arms and legs until she landed a kick in the privates which obviously caused him enough pain to give up. He then left.

through talking to my daughter she also tells me that this boy had the police involved before when he had a male friend at his house and pulled his own pants down, exposing himself and shoving the male friends head on his genital area. Apparently nothing was done by the police or school.

this boy clearly has form and I feel has shown predatory behaviour. I don’t want him anywhere near my daughter. I know he is in internal isolation Mon/Tue but what should I expect to happen afterwards? How should the school be safeguarding my daughter, and other children from this boy? This incident could have ended so very differently than it did and I am concerned that a lack of action before has enabled an escalation in behaviour and if not dealt with correctly and harshly now could end up in the serious sexual assault or rape for another.

i am going crazy waiting for the police to contact me back about this.

OP posts:
TwylaSands · 10/02/2024 09:46

Id also be very concerned about this and a lack of what the school have the power to possible do.

keep phoning and emailing the police. Be a nuisance with it. Don't stop.

AuContraire · 10/02/2024 09:49

Oh my goodness, this is terrifying and this boy is very clearly a danger to other children. I'm so sorry this happened to your daughter. We'll done to her for telling the school the details.

BerryPieandCustard · 10/02/2024 09:57

They have a couple of shared classes, I want to ask for the boy to move classes so he is not with my daughter and that he be monitored at break/lunch times.

Will this be allowed?

he also clearly needs some type of intervention carried out to address his behaviour. Is this something that can/will happen?

OP posts:
Danik8 · 10/02/2024 09:59

That sounds terrifying for your daughter, and for you.

The school has done the right thing in reporting to the police and so have you. The school should have also referred this to children’s social care (and the police will, too). Check that they have.

This boy very clearly needs some sort of intervention from external services, as he is very young and exhibiting extremely worrying harmful sexual behaviour.

I’m pretty sure the school will be having some difficult conversations on Monday about what to do with him, whether to keep him in isolation or exclude him etc and will take advice from the local authority. Bear in mind social care may also want to speak to you and your daughter.

What do you want to happen? What does your daughter want/need? As a very minimum the school need to have a safety plan for your daughter that they formulate with you, her and with advice from police and social care.

I’m so sorry this has happened to your daughter.

Danik8 · 10/02/2024 10:00

They have a couple of shared classes, I want to ask for the boy to move classes so he is not with my daughter and that he be monitored at break/lunch times.

I would be asking for and expect this as bare minimum, OP.

Happyinarcon · 10/02/2024 10:04

The school will probably agree to separate them and keep an eye on things, but will in reality will do nothing. You might need to switch schools. You may have noticed that bullying is rife at the moment and teachers will placate bullies and punish victims

IncognitoUsername · 10/02/2024 10:06

School should be able to ensure he is moved classes - not GCSE years or anything that could prevent this.
As an aside, does she know the name of the other boy, who was kind? I’d be contacting his parents - boys are often scared to stand up to others in situations like this so encouraging them to do the right thing makes it safer for everyone.
Does your DD have friends she can walk home with?
I hope the police get back to you soon as I think it will help you and DD t know what has been said to this boy.

wizzywig · 10/02/2024 10:06

This is terrifying. Get a ring alarm, get a personal alarm for your daughter. Are police now involved?

functionoverform · 10/02/2024 10:09

As a teacher we have had similar situations (horrifyingly - I know) and the boy in question was restricted to one place at break / lunch supervised by SLT. All lessons and seating plans were checked and he could only sit on his own or next to another suitable male student, if this didn't work then he sat on his own in the library. Parents had to drop him off and collect him from school. This was done after a risk assessment and he was actually on bail from the police following alleged sex offences. Staff were also told not to be on their own with him. It was a weird situation that as a teacher puts you on edge in a place that you are trying to promote as being 'safe'....

Ask the school how your daughter will be safeguarded in lessons, breaks, movement around school etc. definitely follow up with the police as more support will be offered to the school.

BerryPieandCustard · 10/02/2024 10:16

I am waiting to be contacted by the police. I waited for 37 minutes on 101 yesterday only to be cut off so I used the online chat function and have a reference number. The lady on the live chat said someone would be in touch.

my daughter doesn’t want this boy in her class or near her at break/lunch so I will push for that with the school.

i am unsure that they will continue to monitor him longer term and I sense that it will be short term until they think it is all forgotten about.

i do know the name of the boy who tried to help, I will make sure the school know so they can praise him. My daughter’s friends mostly live in the opposite direction but maybe I could ask for her to be released 5 minutes early so she has some distance?

I am going to get a ring doorbell fitted just in case. My neighbour has a camera that covers his driveway and a small portion of the path and I have asked him to see if he can see her being followed home in case we need the footage

OP posts:
BerryPieandCustard · 10/02/2024 10:17

functionoverform · 10/02/2024 10:09

As a teacher we have had similar situations (horrifyingly - I know) and the boy in question was restricted to one place at break / lunch supervised by SLT. All lessons and seating plans were checked and he could only sit on his own or next to another suitable male student, if this didn't work then he sat on his own in the library. Parents had to drop him off and collect him from school. This was done after a risk assessment and he was actually on bail from the police following alleged sex offences. Staff were also told not to be on their own with him. It was a weird situation that as a teacher puts you on edge in a place that you are trying to promote as being 'safe'....

Ask the school how your daughter will be safeguarded in lessons, breaks, movement around school etc. definitely follow up with the police as more support will be offered to the school.

Thank you for this.

OP posts:
OrlandointheWilderness · 10/02/2024 10:19

My DD is the same age. It's a horrific though having her subjected to this, an my initial impulse would be to track the little shit down and scare the living daylights out of him and tell him the consequences of laying a finger on my daughter again.
But obviously we can't, and shouldn't. School need to be shit got on safeguarding for this and if they aren't I would be withdrawing my daughter and reporting the school to ofsted. The police need to be well up to speed. And actually I wouldn't be thinking of self defence classes for DD - I know you shouldn't need them, but it might make her feel safer and if she ever needed it then she has those skills.

OrlandointheWilderness · 10/02/2024 10:20

Shit hot! Bloody iPhone!

OrlandointheWilderness · 10/02/2024 10:20

Would be!!!

BobblyJumpers · 10/02/2024 10:21

This is horrific! And at 12!?!

Is there any way to ensure the boys parents are involved? When I was a child if this happened the parents of the girl would likely confront the parents of the boy.

I would continue and insist on involving the police. If there are other girls that have also been I subjected to similar by this boy, can they gather evidence together to have him removed from the school?

suafa · 10/02/2024 10:24

This is incredibly worrying. If these actions were done by a grown man it would be assault, harassment and stalking. It should not be viewed any less seriously because of his age.

GingerScouse · 10/02/2024 10:27

This boy has ALREADY committed a sexual assault on the other boy at his house. And now showing extremely predatory behaviour.

The police and school should be all over this, he shouldn't be allowed to be unsupervised for a second.

I'd also be keen to know what (if anything) has been flagged to his parents - this is not normal behaviour for a 12 year old boy and I'd be concerned about the material he is consuming online.

cerisepanther73 · 10/02/2024 10:28

@BerryPieandCustard

I second that

I am really glad that the school are taking these disturbing instances very seriously

Instead of usaul head in the sand attitude to misogynistic behaviour of any kind..

I would definitely report these disturbing instances to local social services authorities as soon as possible aswell
and get the school to back up the instances of this kind of criminal behaviour.

Sorry to hear your daughter and her friends and other female pupils having to deal with this kind of abusive behaviour..

BMW6 · 10/02/2024 10:44

Please get your dd into self defence classes as well.

QueenofHebdenBridge · 10/02/2024 11:03

Please don't wait to be contacted by the police - use the reference number and call your local police, go in person if you can. I hope you get the help & support you need for your daughter.

itsgettingweird · 10/02/2024 11:07

Danik8 · 10/02/2024 10:00

They have a couple of shared classes, I want to ask for the boy to move classes so he is not with my daughter and that he be monitored at break/lunch times.

I would be asking for and expect this as bare minimum, OP.

Absolutely.

And tell your dd that every time he approaches her in the street making sexual advances that she calls 999. No ifs and buts. No waiting to see if he follows through on his words. He follows her and threatens rape - 999. Sorry to be blunt but she has to consider she is in immediate danger.

If the right people get involved now there's a chance to save both your dd and this boy but that only happens when every single thing is reported every single time.

Your dd should not be collateral damage because the authorities aren't supporting this clearly disturbed young man.

Cheesehound · 10/02/2024 11:08

I am so sorry to read this. Had a very similar experience with a group of boys who followed me home - this would have been late 90s. I really should have reported it to the Police - or rather my parents should. Nothing came of it but the boys were bad news and I wouldn’t be surprised if one or all of them have done jail time now. Keep on at school and the Police. You’re a good mum.

LakeTiticaca · 10/02/2024 11:33

He's not bullying her he is sexually assaulting her. Does she have any older brothers or male cousins who could "have a chat " with him?
He certainly needs to be removed from the school

handmademitlove · 10/02/2024 11:59

The department for education document
"keeping children safe in education"
assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/64f0a68ea78c5f000dc6f3b2/Keeping_children_safe_in_education_2023.pdf

addresses how schools should respond to these situations - part 5 is " Child-on-child sexual violence and sexual harassment". It is worth reading through and ensuring your school is following it. If not, refer to the document - all schools should follow it!

MoonWoman69 · 10/02/2024 12:22

This is absolutely shocking to read. Your poor daughter. I wonder if his parents are aware that they've raised a sexual deviant?! There is absolutely no excuse for this not to be taken seriously. Keep badgering the police, your concerns are serious and also the safety of your daughter is priority. I dread to think of the next steps if he's not dealt with swiftly. Wishing you luck and sending hugs. Please keep us updated 🤗❤