Daughter followed home and inappropriate comments/behaviour

[BerryPieandCustard]

I have been up most of the night playing over what happened/could have happened to my daughter and as it is a weekend I think that I will be worrying all weekend so I wanted to ask for any advice if anyone has experienced similar.

Yesterday at 2:25 I had a call from my Daughters school, she is 12 and in year 8, it was her head of year who informed me that my daughter had disclosed to her that a boy in the same year had been making inappropriate comments including saying he wanted to rape her and gestures towards her and that on Thursday he followed her home and wanted to/tried to gain entry to our home. She informed me that a safeguarding report would be completed and that they would report the incident to the police. Head of year also said I was free to also make a police report, I have done this.

I spoke to my daughter about what has happened (before making the police report) and she has told me the following.

In a maths class boy had mimicked a blow job and said that he wanted my daughter to do that to him. This was apparently seen by the teacher who reported this within the school.

in the lunch line the boy was repeatedly hugging my daughter despite her pushing him off her. This ended up in her slapping/kicking him. He apparently reported to staff that she had done this but daughter was never spoken to.

these incidents have occurred over the last 8-10 days and have also included him attempting to touch or be physically close to my daughter during break/lunch times. Daughter said he makes her (and a number of other girls feel uneasy and unsafe)

Thursday my daughter was walking home from a church youth group she attends after school and stopped at the local shops on the estate before heading home. This boy was there and he stood in front of her, face to face and used both hands to tuck her hair behind her ears and told her to kiss him. She refused.

another boy at the shops (same year group) saw what was happening and told the boot leave her alone. The boy said that he was going to follow my daughter home. My daughter left to come home and the boy who had seen what was going on told the other boy not to follow as my daughters dad would be mad.

the boy followed her home and said that he wanted to rape her. When he saw no cars outside our house he commented that no one was home. He came up the path and was attempting to touch my daughter and asking/saying he wanted to come in. She started to shout saying to leave her alone and was lashing out at him using her arms and legs until she landed a kick in the privates which obviously caused him enough pain to give up. He then left.

through talking to my daughter she also tells me that this boy had the police involved before when he had a male friend at his house and pulled his own pants down, exposing himself and shoving the male friends head on his genital area. Apparently nothing was done by the police or school.

this boy clearly has form and I feel has shown predatory behaviour. I don’t want him anywhere near my daughter. I know he is in internal isolation Mon/Tue but what should I expect to happen afterwards? How should the school be safeguarding my daughter, and other children from this boy? This incident could have ended so very differently than it did and I am concerned that a lack of action before has enabled an escalation in behaviour and if not dealt with correctly and harshly now could end up in the serious sexual assault or rape for another.

i am going crazy waiting for the police to contact me back about this.

This is bad advice and the girls parents should absolutely not contact the boys parents. That is for the police and school to do. At best the parents are encouraging this and just scummy individuals and would laugh it off/make things worse and at worst the sexual behaviour is because the boy is being sexually assaulted at home.

But @BerryPieandCustard yoi are not overreacting this is horrific and I’m glad the school have informed the police. Replace 12 year old boy with “adult male” and do the same as you would with reporting/safeguarding against an adult.
100% tell the school he is not to be in The same class as your DD whilst this is sorted out

Stating the bloody obvious, if he is like this at 12, what’s he going to be like when he is 18.
It needs to be taken very seriously by the police before they find themselves looking for a rapist.

Thank you to all the responses, especially the link to keeping children safe in education. I can refer to this when I speak with the school.

i went to the local police station to find out when someone would contact me. The lady behind the desk was great and told me that the case has been allocated to a Sargent who will allocate an officer to get in contact. She told me that this should happen today or early tomorrow.

I'm so sorry your DD and you are going through this.
Aside from advice already given;

I would be copying the Dsl - designated safeguarding lead, into correspondence with HOY, requesting information on how they will be "safeguarding your child on their site." Those exact words are intentional button pushers.
And, whilst you know they can't tell you, raising the question 'where is the safeguarding for the perpetrator regarding their pastoral responsibility?' Again button pushing.

(Dsl's can be shut of from parents in their own way as generally their relationships with parents are 'investigative' rather than supporting, but the axe falls on them if things go wrong and they were aware.)

I desperately don't want this thread to get hijacked by racists or stupidity: can I ask if the boy is of the same cultural background as your DD? I ask because it may have relevance in steps to be taken.

Where has the info that there has been police involvement regarding 'forcible sexual impropriety' come from? Can it be verified, as it's a massive red flag that this may actually be a young developing perpetrator unable to control themselves as opposed to being a misogynistic little shit. (people will say it doesn't matter but their is some difference in pathways and risk management for your DD)

I'd also be making urgent referrals about him to your local MASH, as a child in problems who needs to be on their radar. It might feel counter intuitive, but it is in everyone's interests.

If I'm correct half term is in a fortnight? Beware of this timing causing things to feel like they are 'dealt with' or part of last term and 'past' by the school.

Keep your daughter out of school until he is suspended. The schools like to wait for things like that to just go away, but push them to exclude him. If he's moved to a different class he'll obviously abuse someone else's kid.

This is a massive safe-guarding issue, I'd be writing to the chair of governors as well as making OFSTED aware. They cannot simply ignore such behaviour.

I would also be calling NSPCC. Just in case the police and school don't take this far enough.

This is really terrifying for your daughter and your right to be concerned.

i also wonder about the boy. Is everything ok with him at home to be acting like this? Has he been subjected to sexual abuse? Has he access to the internet and been watching stuff he shouldn’t? Idk, thats for school/parents to work out.

This more than bullying, it’s sexual assault. I would get her a personal attack alarm and ask if your dd could leave school five or ten minutes earlier. This is what happened when my 12 year old grandson was being bullied at school. The boy was already under sanctions for bullying another child in similar circumstances. GS Was allowed out earlier and allowed to go straight in to his classes each morning instead of waiting outside for the bell to ring.

Agree, this cannot be normal for a 12 year old boy, and I would think his family situation needs to be looked at.

However, your daughter cannot be put at risk because he is so young. It may not be his fault, but he needs to be removed from being anywhere near her

Do you know, the awful thing is that, when I was at school back in the 80s, boys did say and do things like this and we never bothered to tell teachers or parents, usually out of embarrassment. Many of those boys grew up to be fine. One, however, who liked to talk about rape, and who was exposed to lots of pornography/had a shit home life, went on to abduct and molest a young girl at 18. He's also constantly in and out of jail for burglary. It's hard to know at this age the seriousness of the intent and whether he is trying to show/off and bully or whether he is a real danger in the making. The school should ere on the side of caution, and in my view, keep him away from all girls at school, not just your daughter. I think that social services need to be involved with him to assess the level of risk. What concerns me is that he has exhibited previous sexual behaviour and that police involvement didn't help.

Today schools thankfully make clear that this behaviour is wholly inappropriate. I doubt that some of the boys I was at school with today would dare say or do the things they did back then. Girls are more empowered and know to report it thankfully. Well done to your daughter for kicking him in the nuts and for telling you!

Yes to ring doorbell (they are expensive this one is a cheaper alternative https://www.amazon.co.uk/eufy-Security-1080p-Grade-Resolution-Detection/dp/B08PVDLWQW/ref=mps_a_1_3?adgrpid=116101721005&hvadid=593772999044&hvdev=m&hvlocphy=9045312&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=1143561308249233807&hvtargid=kwd-769903248649&hydadcr=2565_2293277&keywords=eufy+doorbell&qid=1707582207&sr=8-3)

Teach your daughter some basic self defence skills - watch on YouTube and get her to practice them (obviously carefully) on you. Tell her she’s allowed to defend herself. It’s ok if she hurts him.

Harrass the school and police until you get a response you are happy with.
I am so sorry this is happening to her.
Him possibly a shit time at home doesn’t mean it’s acceptable to behave this way.

Sorry the link didn’t post properly.