‘Tell me one thing’ to automate/ease mental load

[Muddlemummy]

I’ve been finding the ‘tell me one thing’ thread really helpful so I wondered if I could ask for similar hep with routines specifically.
I have a baby, a toddler and have recently lost my father so extra caring for my mum, grief & probate stuff. My brain is burnt out.

All the ‘little things’ often tip me over the edge so I’m trying to automate things so they tick over to give my brains some breathing space. Examples…

A day of the week for:
Kids hair wash (Sunday & Thursday)
kids finger nails (Monday)
kids toe nails (Tuesday)
changing pjs (unless of course needed before)
Changing bath towels

Monthly (eg 1st of month)
Recharge nightlights

Quarterly (eg 1st Jan/April/July/October)
change toothbrushes/heads

I feel a little embarrassed that these things bother me but after long day, little sleep, these nagging things make me feel so exhausted (the thought of all these things to juggle is usually worse than the action which is small). Are there any others I can add to my list? This can then be shared with husband and hopefully kids when older can start being involved (eg it’s Wed so new PJs!)
Thank you for reading x

Every night after bath/kids bed time, look in the washing basket and put a load on if there’s enough. Then hang on airer before you go to bed. Don’t pay it any attention until the next night. That way the washing basket never gets over full and you never have more than one load of washing to deal with at a time.

Deep clean the washing machine in the first week of each month
Change the bedding every Tuesday (no specific reason for Tuesdays!)
Plump the sofa cushions every Monday (it takes ages and I don't work on Mondays)

Rolling 4 weekly meal plan. Build in a bit of flexibility and seasonal variation, so have a summer and winter set of menus. If there's something you all like eg pizza have that once a week, but make sure there's enough variety so you don't get bored.

Have two bottles/pks of things you use a lot. Say dried oregano, shampoo etc, when one runs out leave packet/bottle out so you don't recycle it until you have bought another.

I don't even know how to deep clean my washing machine

Thank you. I thought about a dishwasher and washing machine clean but had forgotten. The things like that I want to try and do it each month then if you miss one month it doesn’t matter (eg on holiday) but also won’t accidentally be 6 months and take much longer. Again, the action is small but one less small mental pull in the brain fog.

I have never plumped my sofa cushions. Don't do unnecessary things OP!

This seems very precise,that alone would stress me out.I agree re washing clothes,if there is enough don’t leave it.Have enough clothes so you don’t panic if life gets in the way as it does.After the children’s bath and hair wash,cut nails all in one go,clean pyjamas,clean bed. To clean the washing machine who remembers that,just turn it to drum clean same with dishwasher.You have so much on your plate give yourself a break please.No harm will come if you miss a bit.Try and relax.

Be realistic about what you can do. It doesn't really matter at the moment if the sofa cushions don't get plumped or the washing machine deep cleaned!

Would it be easier just to cut all the nails in one go? We do one kid bath a week and do it then when nails are softer. That saves remembering on another day, getting the scissors out again, clearing up the bits of nail.

Weekly online supermarket shop - have a reserved slot and a regular order set up. That means you don't need to think about the stuff you need regularly or booking the slot.

Buy the next one of something (loo roll, ketchup, washing up liquid) when you start the packet. That way you don't run out.

Buy a bulk pack of children's birthday cards, then you always have one if invited to a party etc.

I buy family/friend birthday cards once a year in one go - saves loads of time looking for ones to buy individually. Buy stamps at the same time.

Why does it seem that housework has actually increased despite all these labour saving devices we all have?

For me, making lists and looking at them every evening has helped me immensely.

Before I would have woken during the night in a panic as I'd suddenly remembered the car tax was overdue, because I got the letter and then just forgot about it.

Now I have a diary which has extra sections at the back with a couple of pages for notes for each month. I write everything down that needs done that month, paying childcare fees, car tax, ordering flowers for a birthday etc. I make myself check it at least once a day, ticking off things that I've done and adding anything else that has come into my head. It has definitely helped and I am starting to feel more on top of things

I plump sofa cushions in a couple of minutes. And have never cleaned my washing machine <misses point of thread>

Always have one loaf of bread in the freezer

Thanks all. For the tips and for the well wishes /don’t do too much messages. For appliances clean my version is throw in Calgon & do an empty hot wash, I won’t be scrubbing!

i think part of it is trying to feel in control of something as other parts of my life are so out of control, if that makes sense. I can’t control sleep, grief, baby/toddler life but I can try to ease some things. Partly inspired by reading about executive brain and our autopilot brain and trying to get more automated so it’s not in a mental effort. Will definitely try not to use it to beat myself up (it’s 2nd of the month and I haven’t done x y z) but just to have some structure 😵‍💫🤞🏻

Routine definitely helps when busy
Friday morning I clear any old fruit/ veg/ stuff from fridge

One thing you could do is try to get things that require as little human intervention as possible

So for example you have to remember to recharge your nightlights, but you could buy plug in ones which don't involve recharging at all. Stick them in a plug socket via a timer socket and you don't need to remember to turn them off and on or recharge them and so something that is currently on your list monthly disappears off your list altogether

It's not possible for all things, but where it is it makes a difference.

As well as bulk buying birthday cards, when you reach the age of regularly being invited to birthday parties, buy several of the same present (particularly when they’re on offer). Pass the pigs, magic painting books, kites, uno, mini Lego sets, books, whatever it is - then when you have to do it it’s just there. Also only buy wrapping paper that works for Christmas, birthdays, anything else - so plain or stripy for me.

Do not hold yourself to other people’s standards.

you cannot pour from an empty cup. Steal time whatever it is that keeps you sane - mucking about on your phone, going for a run, reading a book.

I have a fridge throw out every Tuesday morning. I normally then make my shopping list and do the weekly shop.

I make a list of deep clean jobs for the month and tick them off as I do them.

Every 3 months I have an afternoon in DDs bedroom and go through all the clothes that are grown out of, getting raggy or not appropriate for season.

As someone also in the young children trenches, please be kind to yourself. If budget allows I really recommend getting a cleaner every so often when everything just gets too on top of you. It means that the basics like bathroom cleaning, hoovering ect are done and gives you a bit more breathing space.

A physical calendar. Any appointments, birthdays and other important reminders go on there for every family member. If it isn't on the calendar, it isn't happening. That way, I free up brain space instead of having to remember things.

I find it helpful to put weekly and monthly housework tasks into my online calendar, so that it sends me an alert to remind me. This has helped greatly with ensuring tasks don't get forgotten or put off endlessly until you suddenly realise that six months has passed ....

I just mean one of those cleaning kits you can buy from supermarkets. It stops our clothes getting that weird smell.

Love this thread

Hi OP ...When I am overwhelmed I do the advert method! This I devised to suit myself! When the kids are in bed and you finally get a chance to collapse on the sofa, if you are watching regular tv then everytime there is an ad break you have roughly 3 or 4 mins before the programme restarts! So if I am watching coronation street in the ad break I can hang up all the coats,straighten the kids bags put the shoe tidily and sweep and mop our hall! I am done then and sat down watching part 2 of corrie! or I could nip and put some bleach down the loo and wash out the bathroom sink, or go through the freezer and take out my stuff to defrost for tomorrow, or empty the bins in the kitchen,lounge and bathroom etc.Literally takes a few mins to do and I am not killing myself trying to add it to my ever growing list for tomorrow. It is a method cos I am basically lazy but it works! I dont miss anything and still get my down time to do what i like but mix in the jobs in the adverts! Give it a try!

When I was in this crazy time with three littles, we did ‘the full works’ on a Friday night. Bath, hair wash (including nit check and conditioner comb- through) finger and toe nails, clean pjs and bed change all on Friday night, followed by pizza and film night (dinner in front of the tv).

Thank you. I have been pondering that. Having a night with an easier dinner and when we won’t be home from work late and just plough through.

Thanks for everyone’s input. Feeling very overwhelmed and fragile tonight but will read again when less tired & stressed (whenever that will be…) x