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Original poster

Do you make plans for when child has moved out?

37 replies

SaunteringOnBy · 04/02/2024 16:51

Or does it make you an awful person?

My kids 10.. so I've got a long time until she moves out.. I mentioned to someone that I was planning on moving to a small village out the way once my kid moves out, they looked horrified.
"Just abandoning your daughter? How could you?"
"She'll be like 20, I'm not packing now.."
"Still, what if she needs you?"

Made me feel a bit crappy tbh.

OP posts:
ViscousFluidFlow · 04/02/2024 16:53

Well when DS moves out in a few months I’m refurbishing the whole room for me as a second sitting room with a woodland theme. We are also planning on moving in the future, we will still be relatively close. You get one life.

Lifebeganat50 · 04/02/2024 16:53

No we didn’t which we were glad about as dc had to move back last year! I’d never move to a house which didn’t have a bedroom for each of my children

Thursa · 04/02/2024 17:02

Mine are 23 and 25 this year and still living at home to get some money behind themselves. It’s expensive out there!

Should have expected this, when the youngest was 4/5 he said he was never leaving home. 😄

Komencanto · 04/02/2024 17:06

Yes I am...she's 11! I will always have a room for her though..if she wants it.

Original poster
SaunteringOnBy · 04/02/2024 17:09

Interesting first 3 responses and a wide range.

1 turning room into an office..
1 keeping spare rooms just in case..
1 whose kids haven't quite left yet..

If she stays with me, I won't just bugger off or hurl her out to the kerb with a bag of her stuff.. or will I? (I won't)

At some point though I hope she leaves the nest to make a life for herself, it's what I'm prepping her for I thought.

OP posts:
ilovebagpuss · 04/02/2024 17:13

No it doesn't make you a bad parent to plan for future things putting yourself first. I assume child could find you in the small village.
I would always want to have room for mine though if I did move unless money meant I had to downsize.
I'm mentally planning travelling when mine no longer need me as much or are settled elsewhere.
I would still put them first though if they asked.

Original poster
SaunteringOnBy · 04/02/2024 17:18

I would always want to have room for mine though if I did move unless money meant I had to downsize.

I suppose I should have included it in the OP.
I'm in Social housing, if I'm still in social housing by the time she moves out then I'll have to contend with 'bedroom' tax and having a home too big for my needs when some other family could benefit from it. Iyswim.

There's a village I love that's about an hour by train away that has a large complex of social flats for over 55s, which I'll be in 10 years.

"You're just waiting for her to bugger off so you can piss off to a nice oldies flat" - as someone put it.

OP posts:
Beezknees · 04/02/2024 17:44

I'll be downsizing when DS leaves home. Unfortunately as a single person I won't have the money to maintain a spare bedroom (I am on a low wage and get UC top ups which I will of course lose when DS is an adult).

Beezknees · 04/02/2024 17:44

SaunteringOnBy · 04/02/2024 17:18

I would always want to have room for mine though if I did move unless money meant I had to downsize.

I suppose I should have included it in the OP.
I'm in Social housing, if I'm still in social housing by the time she moves out then I'll have to contend with 'bedroom' tax and having a home too big for my needs when some other family could benefit from it. Iyswim.

There's a village I love that's about an hour by train away that has a large complex of social flats for over 55s, which I'll be in 10 years.

"You're just waiting for her to bugger off so you can piss off to a nice oldies flat" - as someone put it.

Same here OP.

ProfYaffle · 04/02/2024 17:46

We've made flexible plans - will reduce our working hours and semi-retire once the youngest has left Uni. They'll always be able to come home if needed when they're finding their feet after graduation but we feel like our responsibility for big ticket financial support will have ended at that point.

SongbirdGarden · 04/02/2024 17:48

I think it's healthy that a parent has plans once the children leave home, life doesn't stop.
It's a new adventure for everyone.

newyearnewnothing · 04/02/2024 17:52

Dd2 was the last to leave at the end of 2023.
Her room is now a reading room.

sleepyscientist · 04/02/2024 17:52

We fully intend to keep our house when DS moves out (if he's the same age as us we will be 44). I'm more planning for when he is 18 that we will have a family holiday in uni holidays then me and DH can have a few couples holidays to the Caribbean whilst he's at uni. We are saving him a house deposit but he will never be forced out, we bought our house for the downstairs space the extra bedrooms are just a bonus.

BruFord · 04/02/2024 17:54

It’s unlikely that we’ll stay in our current house when ours move out, it’s expensive to run. They’ll always be welcomed home-it just won’t be the same home!

shellyleppard · 04/02/2024 17:55

No it doesn't make you a horrible person..... I have plans made for when my two finally 🙏🤞❤️ leave home. Currently 18 and 15 LoL. Hopefully I will be able to get a two bedroom bungalow so they will always have a space here.

Original poster
SaunteringOnBy · 04/02/2024 18:05

I think I'll make sure I always have a sofa bed in the living room for those just in case times..

I don't really remember a definitive leaving home scenario. I kind of just drifted, started staying at partners and then getting a house with them and just not going home except to visit.

OP posts:
Octavia64 · 04/02/2024 18:14

I moved to a village and got a cheaper house. Still has a bedroom each for the kids.

They hate it.

It's boring, there's nothing to do, etc etc.

I go to visit them in their big bustling city lives.

EffortlessDistraction · 04/02/2024 18:26

We aren't planning to move (don't need to downsize). Maybe when they have properly left but I think that will be a long time yet (they're 18 and 20). My parents are still in my childhood home and certainly through my 20s when I had left home I really appreciated the fact that they were still in the place where all my friends and their families were based, I'm sure I visited more often because I could see my old friends too.

Itwasfinetillitwasnt · 04/02/2024 18:28

I won't have a choice as I'm a disabled, single parent, unable to work and can't physically maintain my home/will struggle to pay for it going forward (heatinga 4 bed alone just for me most of hhe time is madness).
I have 3 dc and eldest will hopefully be buying own place next year. The younger 2 will both be at uni in 4 years and at that point I will have to downsize, they are aware, it's not what I want but needs must. My plan is to buy a 2 bed flat/bungalow (would love 3 but don't think I'll afford it) and put two beds in one room and a single in other plus buy a sofa bed. It isn't what I want or ever planned (I always planned on downsizing when dc were all settled post uni) but needs must and they all understand that they'll be a bed for them but not a room of their own. Not exactly what I'd want to provide for them. Life isn't how I planned but I just have to make the best of the situation and my dc understand that (I once mentioned it to a friend and they thought I was selfish so never mentioned it again). I think I'd be more selfish getting into debt, loosing the house and not being able to provide a roof at all.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 04/02/2024 18:30

My folks moved, not just house, but to an area 100 miles away, when I was in my first year at university. It was for my DF’s job, not on a whim, but…

That first summer vacation was the most miserable of my life. I knew nobody, had no friends anywhere near. And it was many decades ago, long before mobile phones etc.

I’d have hated to have to do that to dds, so thankfully it was never necessary.

piscofrisco · 04/02/2024 18:30

We will have to move to be near dss's, as their mum saw fit to move them an hour away and it is a nightmare all round. They are 7 years younger than my youngest dd who will be 18 in a year and a half.

We can't justify staying here in a big old house that costs the earth and having 2 hour round trips to get the boys 4 times a week when we aren't tied to doing so by the DD's school.

Both my DD's are quite upset by this-though wherever we move there will be room for them. It just won't be where they grew up. One will go to uni probably, not sure about the other.

I feel terrible about the whole thing, (and I don't really want to move to where the dss's live either) but from a practical point of view for the next 7 years or so of the dss's lives-it's the only real choice.

Lavenderosa · 04/02/2024 18:34

If it's a dream to move to a village then could you start advertising for house/flat swaps now? Why wait 10 years?

Whattheduck · 04/02/2024 18:34

We’ll probably move and downsize when Dd 19 moves out .We have 6 years left on our mortgage.Myself and Dh both want to travel my Dh travels with work and has been all over the world he’s currently in Australia for a month but never gets to really see anywhere so has a list of places he’d like to revisit.

DRS1970 · 04/02/2024 18:46

I find your friends response a bit odd really. Just because you have moved home, it doesn't mean you are not able to support your daughter when she needs it. You are just planning to move house, not disown her.

HighQueenOfTheFarRealm · 04/02/2024 18:58

Thursa · 04/02/2024 17:02

Mine are 23 and 25 this year and still living at home to get some money behind themselves. It’s expensive out there!

Should have expected this, when the youngest was 4/5 he said he was never leaving home. 😄

Edited

Oh dear. When my ds was 4/5 he asked me if I would buy him a new bed when he was 40.

I