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Original poster

Do you make plans for when child has moved out?

37 replies

SaunteringOnBy · 04/02/2024 16:51

Or does it make you an awful person?

My kids 10.. so I've got a long time until she moves out.. I mentioned to someone that I was planning on moving to a small village out the way once my kid moves out, they looked horrified.
"Just abandoning your daughter? How could you?"
"She'll be like 20, I'm not packing now.."
"Still, what if she needs you?"

Made me feel a bit crappy tbh.

OP posts:

HaggisHuntress · 04/02/2024 20:03

My eldest has been accepted to a few universities and has everything planned out. I'm still refusing to believe it and I'll be hanging onto her at the legs when the time comes for her to leave her poor auld mammy!

I have no plans other than maybe DH and I taking a holiday abroad just us. We've never done that and we've been together two decades.

BruFord · 04/02/2024 20:29

EffortlessDistraction · 04/02/2024 18:26

We aren't planning to move (don't need to downsize). Maybe when they have properly left but I think that will be a long time yet (they're 18 and 20). My parents are still in my childhood home and certainly through my 20s when I had left home I really appreciated the fact that they were still in the place where all my friends and their families were based, I'm sure I visited more often because I could see my old friends too.

@EffortlessDistraction That does sound lovely if your friends stay in the area. Literally all of my school friends and I quickly moved away from where we grew up due to work opportunities, relationships, etc.!

I’m sure it’s very different if you’re in London or another metropolitan area, but there was nothing for us there, unfortunately.

MargaretThursday · 04/02/2024 20:50

Oh yes, I'm going to cry buckets every night. Leave their room as a shrine to the memory of their childhood and visit twice a day to their new place.

Sorry dd1, I didn't realise you were reading over my shoulder. 😄

Original poster

SaunteringOnBy · 04/02/2024 21:26

MargaretThursday · 04/02/2024 20:50

Oh yes, I'm going to cry buckets every night. Leave their room as a shrine to the memory of their childhood and visit twice a day to their new place.

Sorry dd1, I didn't realise you were reading over my shoulder. 😄

Admission time..

Sometimes I plan things to stop myself getting sad at the thought of my little baby being a 20 year old woman and doing all the stupid things I did at 20... I'm going to miss my kid.. and now I have something in my eye..

OP posts:

Ladyj84 · 04/02/2024 21:36

Nope never even thought it teens or younger ones. And whatever append they will always always be welcome home

maudelovesharold · 04/02/2024 21:45

Nothing wrong with making plans for your future, just seems a bit…premature when the child’s only 10!

jarene · 04/02/2024 22:05

I have vague plans about DH and I doing more couple things together and holidays away etc. We've always bought our family home with an aim to downsize eventually, as it has 4 flights of stairs which we won't manage in old age. But I think we'd stay here until at least the youngest is settled in a serious job - I'd want them to have the option of coming back during uni holidays, living here after uni to save up etc.

I don't have any desire to move to a different area though- it has always been important for me to live as a family in an area that's right for all of us, I wouldn't have wanted to live somewhere to raise our dc without being happy to live here without them too.

EffortlessDistraction · 04/02/2024 22:40

BruFord · 04/02/2024 20:29

I’m sure it’s very different if you’re in London or another metropolitan area, but there was nothing for us there, unfortunately.

Show quote history

My college friends were in a radius of about 10 miles from our small town, definitely not a metropolitan area, although we were also about 12 miles in the same direction from a small city. They mostly moved away too but we always came back to see parents at Christmas and Easter and would plan other weekends to visit parents at the same time as each other so we could meet up too.

BruFord · 04/02/2024 22:43

SaunteringOnBy · 04/02/2024 21:26

Admission time..

Show quote history

Honestly , it’s brilliant, @SaunteringOnBy , my DD is 18 and while I felt sad for the first week after she left for uni, it’s been great seeing her settle into her new life, you feel so happy for them. ❤️ I know she’s partying as well, but that’s part of growing up.

BruFord · 04/02/2024 22:51

@EffortlessDistraction Yes, if you want to keep in touch with old friends you do- I’ve managed it thanks to technology and we're currently trying to plan a 50th birthday holiday together…although how we’re going to get everyone plus our families together at the same time I have no idea. I suspect it may end up being a day trip. 😂

New2024 · 04/02/2024 22:57

No plans like that, but when DC is at uni I hope I can have the odd holiday or short break in term time 😀👍🏼

wonderstuff · 04/02/2024 22:58

I think it’s healthy to plan, children are only around for so long. Mine are teens, eldest potentially off to uni in a couple of years. I’ll miss her terribly but DH and I are looking forward to being able to go on holiday as a couple again.

My parents downsized while I was in first year of uni. I don’t think they felt they had a choice at the time tbh, life just throws a curve ball once in a while, I was fine. I’ve told mine they’re welcome until they’re 25. Obviously they’ll have a place to sleep if they need it, but much as I love them I want them to have independence.

when they were little I often was on Rightmove looking at 1 bed cottages by the sea just big enough for me and the cat.

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