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Original poster

If your DH cycles for a hobby

31 replies

Lifechanges2024 · 03/02/2024 20:28

How many hours a week does he do it for?

or any other hobby really. My Dh as long as we’ve been together (a long long time) has always gone out every Saturday from 8.30 to 12/1 ish. We have now have two dc.

His view is that I am free to do the same (well equivalent) my reply is that I don’t want to as like spending time with dc at weekend, we both work ft.

is he selfish, do other partners do similar, am I a weekend doormat ?

OP posts:
bastin · 03/02/2024 20:41

He's giving you the option to have the same amount of time to yourself but you're choosing not to

That's your decision so I don't see how you can then moan about things

Magatha · 03/02/2024 20:42

How is he for the rest of the weekend - engaged with DC, wanting to do family things? Will he miss the odd Saturday if you have plans as a family?

gm2023 · 03/02/2024 20:46

New hobby here (gym) - he does about four hours a week. But that’s two early mornings midweek (gets to the gym for 6am) and one Saturday morning (gets to the gym for 8:30am). We can go out about 10am when he’s back on a Saturday. The children are quite happy to have a bit of quiet time first thing. I do a similar amount with a running club (two evenings) and then go out for about an hour on a Sunday morning by myself too.

I think it’s perhaps the timing that’s the issue here rather than the quantity. You’ve lost half of Saturday together and if you do the same then that’s half of Sunday too. That might suit some couples and families but it doesn’t sound like it works for you.

Original poster
Lifechanges2024 · 03/02/2024 20:53

Thanks all. Yeah he wouldn’t hi if something else came up but would most likely do on Sunday instead!

think am more annoyed by the fact he would be fine for us to have no couple or family time together if I did the same on Sunday!

OP posts:
Priminister · 03/02/2024 20:58

It’s one weekend morning that he cycles. I don’t see a problem with this.

If you choose not to take a morning to do your own thing then I think that’s on you, not him.

foobio · 03/02/2024 20:59

Used to have similar problems with my husband's weekend tennis matches (as well as 2 x evenings missing bedtime, but that's another matter!). Now I've taken up cycling, taking half day every weekend similar to your husband's!

Our arrangement is half a weekend day each to ourselves and one day (or two half days) for family stuff. The kids actually like having some chill out time at home, and the benefit for me having some time to myself is great!

Perhaps give it a go and try taking the time to yourself, you might discover or rediscover a hobby!

user1494050295 · 03/02/2024 21:00

It’s exercise. Really important and not a huge amount of time tbh

ShinyHatStand · 03/02/2024 21:01

I do similar to your husband.
Keeps me healthy and happy.
Plenty of time in the rest of the weekend so as long as he's present and engaged both then and during the week then I wouldn't have an issue.

CaribouCarafe · 03/02/2024 22:22

Wouldn't bother me, and I'd insist on carving out the same amount of hours on my own activities too (although not necessarily on the weekend).

oOmoonhaOo · 03/02/2024 22:40

It’s dark after work atm and generally unpleasant

MentalLoadOverload · 03/02/2024 22:44

It’s not all weekend though, it’s just Saturday morning. You could then have lunch together and you take the afternoon for some you time. That then leaves all of Sunday for family stuff. Sounds fine to me.

KohlaParasaurus · 03/02/2024 22:50

Are Saturday mornings the only time he goes out cycling? That doesn't sound unreasonable to me, I was expecting a horror story of a man who lived on his bike (I've known a few of those over the years). I think it would be good to get into the habit of taking a few hours to do something for yourself too. That would still leave plenty of weekend to spend together as a family.

BeaRF75 · 03/02/2024 22:58

I have no idea, I don't count. He cycles, but also has other hobbies too. He is out several times during the week, but I'd hate him to be cooped up and bored. And I have my own interests/volunteering. He is usually out all day on a Sunday re one or other hobby, which I love because then I can enjoy having a quiet day completely to myself.
I think it's essential to each have our separate interests.
We are happily childfree, so perhaps that makes a difference too.

Lyracappul · 04/02/2024 09:13

Better than having a grumpy beggar around who’s frustrated he can’t to do the thing that calms and relaxes him? Can you do a yoga class or something another time and leave yer children with him? I’d take him up on the offer of ‘me’ time

oOmoonhaOo · 04/02/2024 10:36

Realistically though, do you not find he’s done and back home before you’ve even organised yourself to get sorted for the day?

Nacknick · 04/02/2024 10:48

Depends how knackered he is afterwards. My DP does the same and it does tend to write off the day. But we’re older with a teenager and to be frank I like the quiet Sunday morning pottering around whilst he’s out of the house. It’s good for him both mentally and physically, and like the OP, no issue with me having equal time for my hobbies and interests.

TeenDivided · 04/02/2024 10:51

When we had young children, DH massively scaled back his weekend hobbies.
The whole of Sat am is a bit much tbh.
He could go out 6am-10am, or be more flexible dependent on other plans.

NuffSaidSam · 04/02/2024 10:51

If he's giving you the option to do the same then it's fine.

It's important to have some time to yourself. If he's working full time, plus parenting before and after work and Saturday afternoon and all day Sunday then I think it's a really good thing he takes Saturday morning for himself.

I'd strongly suggest you take him up on his offer and also have some time for yourself.

PaulCostinRIP · 04/02/2024 11:05

Only a Saturday morning ? poor bloke, get off his back and let him enjoy being off your leash for one morning.

Alargeoneplease89 · 04/02/2024 11:08

How old are your children? Can't they go cycling too?

It's 4 hours, I really couldn't get worked up by it. Even if you had 4 hours to yourself on a Sunday you both still have Saturday and Sunday afternoon/ evening together.

PlugUgly1980 · 04/02/2024 11:19

I've just looked at my husbands Strava, this week which is fairly typical he's done just over 100 miles / 7 hours worth of cycling. 50 of these were sat morning...we have a deal, he goes out by 8:30 and is back before 12. He then rides either on his lunch break or early morning indoors before work/school drop off. I've run over 60 miles / 8.5 hours - 3 hours on a sat morning (I go early and back by 8:30) and the rest then early before work or on my lunch break. We share the time and make sure we both get to train, but equally that it doesn't eat in to lots of family time. After school/work, Sat afternoon and Sunday is spent doing stuff with the kids.

Original poster
Lifechanges2024 · 04/02/2024 11:46

Thanks and I’m not necessarily against it, was just curious to how other couples split.

i think is probably more frustrating for me as I don’t take time for myself. Will spend today thinking of what I might like to do for me!

sorry if not clear but I also work full time, so think for me is that I seem to have guilt that weekends should be wholly focused on kids/family time and he doesn’t z. Reading that back, seems like I’m the one who needs to reframe what a good balance looks like

OP posts:
WhisperGold · 04/02/2024 11:54

Why should it be all about the kids? There's four of you in the house.

Whatsgoingonwithmyhead · 04/02/2024 11:57

I think that’s fine as long as he is fully engaged with the children the rest of the weekend and is prepared to occasionally miss a ride if there’s something particular happening

(DH and I both cycle)

wineandmaltesers · 04/02/2024 12:02

Mine will go out on a wfh lunch break if it's dry so an hour there, dry weekend he'll go for 3-5 hours, always asks if i mind or whether our 7yr old wants to do anything first do he adapts his rides to fit in with us.
He also runs, again uses wfh lunchtime, summer during school run so i do that while he goes out which is fine, longer runs at a weekend where they fit in with any plans.
In turn i go out with friends to the pub etc and he stays with our daughter.