Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Engagement rings

37 replies

Brazilagogo · 02/02/2024 23:50

If your partner were to propose to you and you hadn’t previously looked at engagement rings or discussed what your preferred style was, would you be happy if he chose the ring to propose to you or would you prefer a proposal without a ring (or a token ring) and then to go shopping for the ring together?

Asking for a friend 😊

OP posts:
StopTheBusINeedAWeeWeeAWeeWeeBagOChips · 02/02/2024 23:53

I would hope that my partner would know me well enough to choose something I would love, so I would prefer if they chose the ring. That would be more meaningful to me.

There's no right or wrong answer though, get someone to subtly scope out what the bride to be would prefer.

midnights0 · 02/02/2024 23:53

I showed DH a few styles I liked, then he picked his favourite for me

SirenSays · 02/02/2024 23:54

I'd rather choose myself

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Clothing
Lizzieregina · 02/02/2024 23:55

I’m long past this stage, but no way would I have let DH pick.

When my DD reached this stage, I suggested to her that she be involved since she was going to have to wear the ring forever so she better like it.

GLC789 · 02/02/2024 23:55

I said just once, to my now husband, that I trust him to choose a ring without any involvement from me.

I never pushed, hinted or nagged.

After 7 years together and 1 year living together, he chose EXACTLY what I would have chosen, not just the ring, but the whole proposal. Just us, at home. We were married 7 months later.

I love the fact I didn't see it coming
I love the fact it was ALL Him and he knew me enough to know exactly what I dreamed of 😍😍😍😍😍.

Original poster
Brazilagogo · 04/02/2024 13:45

Thanks for sharing your experiences. When you have been proposed to with a ring, it sounds like this is something that you, as a couple, have discussed and decided, and you may have given pointers about what you would like (or it could be surmised from other jewellery perhaps) but has anyone not had a conversation and then been less than thrilled with the ring they received?

I know there is no right or wrong answer apart from to the recipient but I’m in the “I would want to choose for myself” camp and trying to present that view to the partner buying the ring to encourage them to have a proper think about what might be wanted, rather than what he thinks he should do. I know it’s none of my business ultimately, but the recipient gives the impression of having very clear ideas about what she wants in other areas of her life and I think there’s a fair chance her engagement ring falls into that category. Theoretically, he should know her well enough but he flies by the seat of his pants in many respects.

Asking covertly doesn’t appear to be an option because the people most likely to know are also most likely to blab unintentionally and ruin the surprise 😀 I am going to suggest checking if she has any Pinterest boards though.

OP posts:
floralgiftcards · 04/02/2024 13:54

Oh lord, don't get involved. Sounds messy.

SilverBranchGoldenPears · 04/02/2024 13:56

My DH‘s proposal was totally unexpected and s was the ring. It was especially meaningful as he had spent many hours choosing a specific style of ring and chose a specific jeweller from my own country. It was lovely. I look at that ring every day and feel its meaning to me. Much more so than our wedding rings which we then of course chose together.

Mumofoneandone · 04/02/2024 13:57

Had my engagement ring made, (before proposal, so he'd have it when he proposed) as I was after something a little unusual that I'd love, as I'd be wearing it every day!

YourWinter · 04/02/2024 13:59

I think having your engagement ring chosen for you is as awful as it would be for the other person to choose your wedding dress - and you only wear that for a few hours. A proposal of marriage should surely be followed by choosing the ring together at some later stage.

Hadalifeonce · 04/02/2024 14:00

I had no idea a proposal was coming, the £2.50 ring he did it with was fabulous, we have never replaced it. I wasn't able to wear it for very long, but I still have it as it is very precious.

Original poster
Brazilagogo · 04/02/2024 14:43

floralgiftcards · 04/02/2024 13:54

Oh lord, don't get involved. Sounds messy.

I've been asked for an opinion on the ring 😳

OP posts:
Original poster
Brazilagogo · 04/02/2024 14:50

It's lovely to hear that it can work out, and the lucky bag ring is a suggestion that has been made.

I know my own views are probably clouding things but there are so many styles of rings and then so many designs in those styles and he hasn't even sussed out the first part. In addition, the threads on engagement ring regret when women have chosen their own ring make it a minefield. She's going to be wearing it for a long time so it's important to get right.

OP posts:
Namechangesab · 04/02/2024 15:00

I chose my engagement ring. 15 quid from Cash Converters 😆 (I like very plain silver jewellery)

For me it's not all about the style but also the cost - my friend was proposed to with a massive diamond ring that her boyfriend had spent about 20k on. That money was savings intended for a house deposit for the two of them (they lived together but wanted to buy) and she was pregnant too. She obviously accepted but was secretly furious and gutted

blooddroprubies · 04/02/2024 15:02

I would absolutely trust him to choose my ring, he has very good taste 😉

AnnaMagnani · 04/02/2024 15:04

Absolutely no way would I trust him to choose a ring.

Plus I had seen the one I wanted and tried it on. Cue awkward shopping session with me acting like I was seeing it for the first time Blush

awitchoftroubleinelectricblue · 04/02/2024 15:11

We didn't have a ring. It wasn't important.

Gazelda · 04/02/2024 15:18

My D proposed when I least expected it and he had already chosen and purchased the ring.

I won't lie, it's not a ring that I'd have chosen. I wear it every day (11 years this summer) but its appearance has never filled me with joy. Its symbolism does however.

I'd really, really like an eternity ring at some point. But I worry that he'll do the same and I'll end up wearing two rings that aren't to my taste.

User1706 · 04/02/2024 15:19

My husband chose, its absolutely perfect and one of my lost loved material items, more so than my wedding ring which I chose. Whilst I do completely love the style, it's special because he thought if it alone and showed me how much he knows me.

muddyford · 04/02/2024 15:20

Ni, we chose it together after the proposal had been accepted.

MrsDilligaf · 04/02/2024 15:25

I had no idea that DH would propose. He did so with his late mum's engagement ring, he bought me a cheapo stunt ring (that I still wear occasionally) because his mum's was tiny.

He had my engagement ring made, and even though I might not have picked the exact ring I have, I would have chosen something very similar. He picked something a little simpler, but actually it's perfect - I prefer it to the style I might have had.

Original poster
Brazilagogo · 04/02/2024 15:56

Namechangesab · 04/02/2024 15:00

I chose my engagement ring. 15 quid from Cash Converters 😆 (I like very plain silver jewellery)

For me it's not all about the style but also the cost - my friend was proposed to with a massive diamond ring that her boyfriend had spent about 20k on. That money was savings intended for a house deposit for the two of them (they lived together but wanted to buy) and she was pregnant too. She obviously accepted but was secretly furious and gutted

The pragmatist in me agrees. He’s not intending to go overboard but it’s still a significant purchase.

OP posts:
Original poster
Brazilagogo · 04/02/2024 15:57

AnnaMagnani · 04/02/2024 15:04

Absolutely no way would I trust him to choose a ring.

Plus I had seen the one I wanted and tried it on. Cue awkward shopping session with me acting like I was seeing it for the first time Blush

Did you ever confess? 😀

OP posts:
Original poster
Brazilagogo · 04/02/2024 15:58

Gazelda · 04/02/2024 15:18

My D proposed when I least expected it and he had already chosen and purchased the ring.

I won't lie, it's not a ring that I'd have chosen. I wear it every day (11 years this summer) but its appearance has never filled me with joy. Its symbolism does however.

I'd really, really like an eternity ring at some point. But I worry that he'll do the same and I'll end up wearing two rings that aren't to my taste.

That would be my fear too!

OP posts:
Ihateselling · 04/02/2024 16:02

DH and I agreed we were going to get married before he proposed. It was basically a joint, practical decision followed up with a beautiful proposal. DH asked that we choose the ring together as he wanted to be certain it was a ring I loved, and we honestly had the most lovely day shopping together. It was on the way back from holiday; we stopped at a shopping centre which broke the long drive up nicely and also made the holiday extra special even though it didn't really have anything to do with our engagement otherwise.
DH kept the ring and asked me not to ask about it again so he could plan the proposal he wanted. Less than a week later he proposed.