Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

ADHD'ers, do you feel like this?

38 replies

AttractingDickHeadsDisorder · 02/02/2024 12:10

I find keeping to commitments really hard, whether it's something I've booked myself or a scheduled play date, I get unbelievably stressed in the lead up and just want to bin it all off. I don't want to do anything, with anyone.

I had laser tattoo removal booked for this evening and the cinema tomorrow with a friend and our daughters. I've had to cancel the laser appointment as it involves 2 hours of travel and it just feels like too much on top of the cinema trip tomorrow. I can't deal with two 'things' so close together (even though they're a whole day apart)

I probably sound ridiculous to people without ADHD, I just cannot cope with 'things' the way neuro-typical people do. Anything that I don't actively want to do causes me so much anxiety.

I have three DC, two of which have autism, and I just don't have any motivation left for anything else. I just want to lock myself away with a book or a podcast.

I've spent most of the day so far stuck on the sofa procrastinating and dreading the cinema trip tomorrow. My friend is lovely but is somebody I feel I have to be very 'on' for if that makes sense?

Does all of this sound typical of ADHD or am I a complete weirdo to boot?

OP posts:
Coffeeandmarmaladetoast · 02/02/2024 12:13

I feel the same, it's really hard to manage dc with sen, work, exercise and relationships on top of adhd. I find it too much and often don't commit to things or have to cancel as well.

Sprinkles211 · 02/02/2024 16:57

Yes all the time. I get so cross and frustrated with myself, I end up in an absolute mess and have actually vomited before going to a baby shower that I didn't want to go to

FizzyStream · 02/02/2024 17:18

Yes. Absolutely can relate to this. It's a nightmare.

BreathingDeep · 02/02/2024 17:21

I totally get this. Work events really weigh heavy on my mind and even social dates that I know will make me happy can feel like a burden.

I've learnt now that for weekends, I can only commit to one thing so I have at least one full day free of obligations. It helps to give my brain some breathing space.

For the cinema tomorrow, try and see it as a couple of hours sat in the dark with your thoughts - I took my children last week and actually, it was glorious to just sit and not be able to do anything other than passively watch or think.

HeBeaverandSheBeaver · 02/02/2024 17:27

Yes my dd is like this. She can't go shopping and an evening out on the same day. She likes clear gaps between "stuff". She is also ASD

Kangaboo · 02/02/2024 17:55

I’m an introvert so have similar feelings & dread the lead up to social occasions. I leave getting ready until late as I’d rather be at home relaxing but then am annoyed at myself because I then don’t feel ‘ready’ to go out.

I feel so much better when I get home after socialising and can decompress.

PringPring · 02/02/2024 18:03

Yes I'm like this. My kids are too so at least we're all on the same level of what we can manage I guess.

PoodlesRUs · 02/02/2024 18:04

Yes, I relate to every single post on thos thread so far! It's frustating and tiring and infuriating at times.

Original poster
AttractingDickHeadsDisorder · 02/02/2024 18:10

It helps to know I'm not alone in feeling this way.

I don't remember being so introverted when I was younger. I used to really enjoy going out and doing things but since having DC I have such a finite amount of social energy left over after expending so much on them. I just want to spend that in complete peace and quiet.

I feel so guilty when I cancel things, then the dreaded RSD kicks in. ADHD sucks.

OP posts:
Original poster
AttractingDickHeadsDisorder · 02/02/2024 18:11

For the cinema tomorrow, try and see it as a couple of hours sat in the dark with your thoughts - I took my children last week and actually, it was glorious to just sit and not be able to do anything other than passively watch or think.

That's a really good way of framing it, thank you.

OP posts:
cissyandbessy · 02/02/2024 18:16

Yes I feel this all the time. I often feel lonely and irritated with myself as I wanted to go do things but when it came to it I just didn't in the end. Have missed weddings, important work stuff and loads over the years - has really impacted on my mental health. I try to not be so hard on myself nowadays as I can't change the feelings and it's not my fault. No one knows about my diagnosis so maybe they think I'm an old misery guts but I care less these days! Currently sat with a glass of wine and a candle on decompressing after a week of all the things and lots of people. It's lovely!

ThinkingAgainAndAgain · 02/02/2024 20:18

DS1 has been like this since he was a baby. I noticed at about 1yo that if we’d been out in the morning, he wouldn’t want to go out in the afternoon, and vice versa.

He’s a teenager now, and wouldn’t be able to do two big things in succession. He needs time on his own to recharge and do his own thing. When he comes in from school, we exchange pleasantries and then he goes to his room to recharge for an hour or so, it’s not the standard teenage behaviour (though I know it sounds like it!), it’s a necessity for him. If he was to go out somewhere after school, he absolutely wouldn’t be able to go somewhere the following evening too. It’s not that he would just be physically tired, he would be completely overwhelmed. And this manifests as an inability to communicate and shutting down.

A I've got older, I’ve had less energy, so I sort of see it, though to a much lesser degree. And of course we all have periods of having more or less energy and dynamism to us. Take it easy, OP.

pasteloblong · 02/02/2024 20:52

Yes, totally. I've always been careful not to take things on because I struggle so much. I'm just about managing to be in the church choir, but I can't do anything else and I often chew myself up about it and don't want to go.

Teasie123 · 02/02/2024 20:54

@AttractingDickHeadsDisorder , this sounds like my life to a tee...

BigPussyEnergy · 02/02/2024 21:01

Yup this sounds like me! Not diagnosed but I suspect ADHD/ASD given the things I struggle with. I feel exactly like this - I have to build in decompression time between activities and I don’t really enjoy being away from home too much as I have to be ‘switched on’. I can do a night out, but staying over and having to be sociable in the morning is a step too far. Cancelled plans are my dream!

KidwithADHD · 02/02/2024 21:18

This is interesting as I hate cancelling plans, but usually massively over schedule so end up exhausted running from one thing to another…

I have trouble though in going to regular activities ( like a tennis class) even though it’s something I really want to do. If I don’t want to do it at that exact moment, I often cancel. I thought it was maybe a bit of social anxiety rather than ADHD but maybe connected?

The other issue is that if I have something big on ( like professional exams) I can’t get anything else done - including housework- until it’s done. And it’s not because I’m only doing that one thing- often I’ll procrastinate and not get on with the ‘big assignment’ , so it ends up taking longer than if I just got on with it, but I also have a messy house and a long list of admin tasks to do!

PoodlesRUs · 02/02/2024 22:22

Do any of you, who have posted here with similar experiences, have a way of preventing overscheduling yourself or signs you recognise or even ways to just force yourself to do what you said you would?

SoIRejoined · 02/02/2024 22:31

Yes, my son is ASD and is like this. Look up spoon theory. We have to manage his spoons so he doesn't run out.

pasteloblong · 02/02/2024 23:18

PoodlesRUs · 02/02/2024 22:22

Do any of you, who have posted here with similar experiences, have a way of preventing overscheduling yourself or signs you recognise or even ways to just force yourself to do what you said you would?

You kind of get to know what you can realistically manage as time goes on. You have to learn to listen to your body as it tells you when you're pushing yourself too far. You find you can do less and less as you get older I think. I can't even manage a holiday now and even day trips have pushed me into not coping territory. I did force myself to do something in December that I instinctively knew was a mistake, but felt I had to make the effort as it was for a friend, but I didn't cope and was unwell for a few days afterwards.

YourTruthorMine · 02/02/2024 23:28

yes. 100% relate, I have to organise social outings/appointments very carefully, Even arranging a hair appointment is like climbing Everest.

CattyMcTat · 02/02/2024 23:33

Yep this is me. I've found KS1 very overwhelming with all the class parties and school events.

FrankieLet · 02/02/2024 23:36

Very relatable. But for me it's not even related to how much I want to do something. It's just anything. We might have a holiday booked that I've spent hundreds of hours planning (hyperfocusing on!) and it's going to be amazing...but on the night before or the morning that we're leaving, I'll still just want to sack it off and go back to bed and doom scroll with a cuppa. Legitimately, if the airline emailed and said the whole thing was cancelled and I'd get a refund, I'd be relieved.

pasteloblong · 02/02/2024 23:53

It's ridiculous isn't it? I got excited when I got the flu three weeks ago because it meant I didn't have to do stuff. I was so ill as well, but it still felt like relief.

NewName24 · 03/02/2024 00:43

The opposite here - more the 'fear of missing out' combined with difficulty in organising time (saying 'yes' to being somewhere without checking diary, and without factoring in travel or the need to get changed first or whatever) means ending up with far too much going on every day / weekend / week.

Swipe left for the next trending thread