8 year old DS picked on for his interests

[Cloudbuggi]

My 8 year old DS is increasingly isolated at school because he is not interested in the same things as the other boys. He enjoys reading, animals, art, board games and randomly loves sewing and knitting (I'm rubbish at both but he spends a lot of time with my mum and she taught him). The other boys are almost exclusively into football and online gaming (fortnite, minecraft etc). DS has got a gaming console but has almost no interest in it or really any other screen based activity. He doesn't like football at all. Most of the boys seem to get their love of football from their Dads but DH could not be less interested in it himself so I wonder if this is a factor.

It is at the point now where he is left out and often picked on. He used to get on with some of the girls but they're at the age now where there is a major gender divide and now the two he was closest to will not play with him because he is a boy.

I have enrolled him in clubs outside school (cubs, tennis etc) and he enjoys them but it is the same story there.

His teacher's solution was that he should try to like what the other boys like - I have tried to encourage him to give some things a go but he likes what he likes so what can I do?! Part of the issue is he is very sensitive and finds even minor violence in video games upsetting.

Has anyone else had this? Is there anything more I can do?

Your lad walks his own path. Good for him! I’m afraid it does mean it gets a bit lonely for a while.

Mine found their tribes when they moved to a large high school and there were boys into things other than football, and mixed sex friendships became the norm again.

Faking interest in something that bores him just to “fit in”? What a crap teacher to suggest such a thing. He doesn’t need to change, he’s great as he is.

The teacher sounds crap. Are there no clubs that cater for him? Art club would be fairly easy to find I would’ve thought and I have heard of some towns have board game clubs.

He does an art club on a Saturday morning which he loves but it's all girls and they're friends with each other.

I was seriously hacked off with his teacher I have to admit.

@LenaLamont spot on

https://www.sugaranddice.co.uk/

Don't know where you’re located but I found this one in Liverpool and there’s others in Manchester and Sheffield. Try googling ‘board game cafe’ and your local area.

Your son sounds lovely.
Does he like chess? There are a few chess clubs with more "geeky" boys that he might enjoy.

It is not easy to see your child being isolated. Sending love ❤️

Is he at a small school? I chose a 3-form primary over a 1-form entry ( perceived to be the more desirable school by a lot of other parents) principally because i could see that my eldest ds was not a football boy and i wanted to give him the widest range of friends.
Does he play an instrument? The musical crowd is less macho too

It's a large school - 3 form entry.

He has started learning the piano but is not that fussed by it or music in general if I'm honest.

I'm surprised there is no crossover in the other boys with the art and reading. At that age mine were tearing through the captain underpants books and drawing their favourite marvel characters.

The teacher is really thirty years behind in their thinking. They should be celebrating different hobbies, e.g. Guinness book of records will have interesting stories about longest scarf knitted, link to maths and measurements.

Could easily mention in history the lucrative medieval knitting guilds of the schoolboys in World War II Britain who made blankets for the troops, etc.

Good teachers bring children along path's to conclusions.

And Cubs, depending on your local leader and the other kids - arrange a trial session?

He sounds like a lovely, interesting child. It can be really difficult for this age group if they don't have identikit cliché interests.

Is it worth looking at groups like Cubs in different areas? If you've got a very football-heavy local area, it might be a bit better in another neighbourhood. There's plenty of football fans in our Cub pack, but when it was hobbies night, we had a really interesting range of hobbies and they were all respected. Our pack covers quite a mixed range of neighbourhoods so it's not too tribal and socially homogenous.

There's nothing wrong with him, and he doesn't need to change, it's just hard to find the kindred spirits in small, fixed social circles.

He does cubs already and it's a similar story there really.

It’s not a shit response, I don’t think it’s a terrible skill to learn that sometimes if you want company you need to go along with the crowd and do things the majority enjoy. It doesn’t mean he has to stop doing the things he loves. Or don’t and spend time alone and be ok with that.

In the confines of school finding someone that enjoys your exacting niche interests isn’t always likely, although will become more so once they are in a larger school with more choice of friends.

One of my DS’ was like this and also insanely into Maths. He started to play 3 instruments and has shone on a national level with those and tried more bizarre sports like Fencing which he also is good at. Your DS will hopefully make friends at secondary school. For now, find clubs outside school where he is likely to meet kids like him. There are plenty of them around just not always in one class/school. The aim is to keep his social and emotional confidence up in the mean time.
His interests are great and should be celebrated. For example, in our school he would have been encouraged to show his sewing/art in assembly.

What did you actually think the teacher could do? Friendships can't be forced, they happen naturally

Check your local Wildlife Trust for their schemes: Wildlife Watch and Wildlife Rangers. He might meet like minded kids there (my DD did).

I'm a primary school teacher and also a parent of a very similar child. My advice is to speak to the teacher or TA to see if they can suggest other boys in the year group who are similar to your son. There will be some! They just don't seem to be in his class.

Also, continue to let him forge his own path and try and find some clubs where he can make friends that are like him.

Good luck.

Yes Board Game cafes are the new "thing". See if there's one in your area.
Would he like games like Pokémon/Yu-Gi-Oh trading games (card game rather than board)? There's a lot of clubs and groups for those (and they do tend to be more boys).
If he like arts and crafts there's Lego, Warhammer etc which again are often more "boy".
He will find his tribe eventually.... might take him a few years but tell him be proud of your interests and keep going 🙂

I was hacked off because I hadn't even sought her out, she sought me out to advise that I needed to encourage DS to enjoy football more. As opposed to maybe emphasising to the other children that it's OK to like different things and not something you should take the piss out of someone for.

I’m sighing at the teacher suggesting that- it’s why so many kids that don’t play sports are so lost. In our school there’s been a resurgence of chess at break times, it’s started happening in most classes and some of the football players play too instead of going out. On the last days of school people bring in other board games too. Maybe he could get something going? (I understand if he can’t but just in case!)

“I was hacked off because I hadn't even sought her out, she sought me out to advise that I needed to encourage DS to enjoy football more. As opposed to maybe emphasising to the other children that it's OK to like different things and not something you should take the piss out of someone for.”

Yes, school should be celebrating his unique talents. It is very typical for shy intelligent boys to shy away from gang mentality and team sports in the earlier years. However, it is advisable to encourage more individual sports as you are already doing like tennis, swimming, park run etc so they keep their confidence physically speaking. It is also a good idea to see if you can get their confidence up in public performance, Lamda, drama, musical performances or at least standing up in assembly to show stuff. Eventually the other kids do end up really respecting the talented quiet boys but the school does have to do their bit (and they are meant to).

Schools have been told to encourage physical exercise by the DFE due to childhood obesity rates, but it need not be football. They can do the daily mile round the playground field, dance to music etc. They need to offer a variety to appeal to different types of children.

To be clear, he gets plenty of exercise - tennis, swimming, running with his Dad and also we live right next to woods which we walk in daily. Plus of course he does PE.

"His teacher's solution was that he should try to like what the other boys like"
This is really sad and not an appropriate response from his teacher. What a poor way to handle it, rather than trying to build his confidence!
If you feel able, could you organise a local activity - for example like on the website meetup - for weekends or school holidays, boys book club, boys board games afternoon, etc? It doesn't help at school but meeting boys his age with the same interest will bring confidence.
FWIW, your son sounds absolutely lovely 💚

Board game cafés are popping up everywhere. I live in a city so I accept there are more of those here, but the local church runs a board game afternoon on a saturday, at least 6 pubs do family board game events, and encourage people to mix, and there are places like Chance & Counters that run events at their board game cafés.

Wildlife Trusts and BTCV (forget its new name) also have things for nature and wildlife focvused kids.

Honestly, it does get better. One of my lads set up a club when he got to high school, another was president of the table top games society when he got to uni.