The only things I do in life is work, eat & sleep…

[RoutineRoutine]

I’m 27. I have no friends outside of my own family, and some work colleagues that I occasionally speak to outside of hours. The people I’ve spoken to in the last 3 days have been my immediate family and colleagues. That’s it.

I’m single, have been for a long time. When I was younger, men only seemed to want to know me to get closer to my friends at the time, or even my sisters! I would say I’m average looking, nothing too special but nothing too horrible either. I’m very social when I get the chance to, very bubbly and I’ve been told I’m very funny and very kind. No one wants to stick around though, it seems. I used to stupidly try to keep dying conversations alive so it’s not lack of effort on my part, I just seem to be very forgettable?

I have zero hobbies too. I go to work, walk the dog, make dinner, watch tv and go to bed. Every day. I’m just not interested in anything outside of what I have to do, and I don’t find joy in much. I’m a very boring person. I go out on occasion, I’ll bring my nieces & nephews off for fun days, and sometimes go to parties my sister is throwing where I meet loads of people. She’s very social, so she constantly has new people around. That gene seemed to have skipped me.

AIBU to think this is just it for me? I feel that unless I completely change my personality (introverted, no-fuss, “boring”), then life will just continue to go on without me.

Have you tried taking up a hobby? A gym class or lessons in something?

I’ve tried a few things. Took some classes in different things - cooking, boxing, running, etc, but nothing held my interest. I’d always float into the background as usual and then eventually just leave it behind as it became more of a chore than something I looked forward to doing

If you didn't have tv to watch, what would you do?

Scroll on the internet. If I didn’t have the internet, I’d probably stare into nothingness when I wasn’t doing what I had to (cooking for myself, cleaning, minding the dog, working, etc)😂

Do you chat to people on dog walks? I went out on a dog walk with a friend and her pup one day and it was ridiculous how many people stopped and chatted - familiar faces, same routes and times etc. Everyone knew each other.

Take up a solo hobby! Gym, swimming or cycling. Painting.

No obligation or social pressure.

Look for voluntary things that are interesting, animals maybe?

Could you arrange drinks one night with your colleagues? If they are up for it, suggest they all bring a friend or two of their own along.

You must watch tv, do skin care or listen to music, maybe your hobby is social media or audiobooks or real books.
Most people have work and commute taking up all their days, people aren't swinging off the chandelire and living the high life or wild adventures 24/7. If you dont do much on a week to week basis you could do bigger holidays once or twice a year.. people like talking about travel. And you must eat so could talk or do avtivities around that. Maybe an online course with a group would be your type.

If you're fit you could try yoga or park run

Park Run is a great shout! They usually want marshalls too so you can run some weeks Marshall some weeks and the ones that do ours are very social

Nothing more than a “hello, good morning/afternoon/evening” and “aw lovely dog!”

I’m similar to you and I have little time to socialise.

i took up padel tennis. It’s excellent (you don’t need great racquet skills or be fit). It’s fun and you get a broad range of people. Sociable but not in your face.and gets you fit.

if you have padel courts in your area I’d suggest you give it a go?

I started swimming outdoors. Am a wuss so only in summer but a lot of people come with dogs too

I’ll look into that, thanks! I have a little time to socialize, at least an hour twice a week, but I don’t have the want anymore. I used to be mad about how much I was missing out, trying to find friends, boyfriends, etc but as the years went on and it just wasn’t happening, I think I’ve become set in my ways. Now I cringe at the idea of socializing, while going to bed early & watching tv snuggled with the dog is what’s “safe”. I’m 27 going on 82

If you're happy with your life and feel you would be for life, then absolutely fine. However, the fact you're asking about it, I feel you perhaps want more from life - if so, you need to try new things. If that's the case, look at exercise or hobby options that you'd be willing to give a chance. If you're religious, the church offers more than going to church on a Sunday. If you feel you'd like to socialise more, you need to reach out - suggest coffee, drink, meal out with colleague(s), take up a hobby where you might meet others. When DD returned here after uni, she searched online and found a group of young people 20-30 who wanted to meet others.

Do you want to be out and about / socialising more?

Or do you just think you "have" to?

I’ve been thinking about this a lot to be honest

Part of me does. I want the friends, the husband, the kids, the running around with barely any time to sit down because so many people in my life want me around

Another part of me thinks that will never happen because it’s never happened before, so maybe this is the best I can do. Honestly, I’d be content on my own, but I think I’d always wonder what if.

Most of the time though it feels like it’s not up to me. I’ve tried to have all those things, tried to put myself out there, but it seems that I’m not a person others want to really be around. I’m nice, I’m funny sometimes, but I’m dull, so everyone kinda just glances over me. (This is not me being down about myself by the way, it’s just an observation I’ve made over the years. I’m forgettable - which is handy sometimes 😂😂)

The worst you can do is sit wondering 'what if'. Try to enjoy the life you have and maybe you'll find a partner maybe you won't but if you're happy in yourself that's the main thing.

I was a bit of a recluse, sitting reading, watching TV, never going out, but eventually I met my now husband as a friend of my brother. I had basically settled down to being the crazy cat lady, living on her own with a house full of cats.

You never know what's around the corner.

I think you’d be suprised how many people have ended up in this position. It sucks seems with the internet and modern technology there isn’t really any dynamic community in a lot of areas in the uk. Also once you get to about your 30s most other people are having families of their own and if you’ve been unlucky in love it feels super lonely and feels as if something is wrong with you. I just want to say I’m in same boat and I understand your feelings. Some people might say it’s depression but I don’t think it is any person would feel the same in our position. Hopefully you can find meaning in other things it’s always good to practice gratitude I know it sounds cheesy but being grateful for what you have and how other people are truly living hell on earth hopefully it can offer some solace. All the best OP

There is something about looking for friends that is counterproductive. Better to look for an interest. I personally loved hanging around horses for example. Do you enjoy your job?

I love this. I think 80% of me has settled into being a crazy dog lady. When it comes to my financial situation, I’m definitely of the mindset that I’m doing it alone - which makes me financially responsible so that’s good - and I always keep in mind that I need to provide for me and my dog first. However that remaining 20% is totally open to meeting someone

I’ve read a little online about how my generation is the most single, lonely generation there’s ever been. Most are choosing to stay single, which is awesome for them, but many are in my position - it’s just hard to find people.

And thank you for not immediately jumping to depression! Anyone I’ve talked to in RL about this always jump to that, and it’s hard to explain that no, I’m actually content. If this is my life, that’s ok, but to me, being content is not the same as being happy. Being content is second best, so while I’ll take it, I do still feel that loneliness you mentioned. I’m not depressed, but there’s always room for improvement

And yes, I definitely try to remember how well I have it. Stable job, financially stable, awesome dog, loving parents & siblings. I have a roof over my head and I’m never hungry. I know the grass is not greener on the other side, and many would love to be in my position - free time, solitude, I make decisions for myself and myself only - but sometimes it would be nice to have a little bit of that other grass 😂

Some people like being on their own but social media especially FB are geared to making us think everyone else is having a great time, but that's probably not the truth.
I think these days many people feel lonely and covid didn't help.
If you really do want to make friends then the best way is to join a club or group but pick something you want to do as opposed to just wanting it to be a way of meeting people or you will find that you are simply the quiet one at the back.
I joined a drama group years ago I'm a quiet member of the group but it's served me well in terms of social interaction for years. Find something you want to do padelball sounds great, if I was younger I'd do it. But most of all be happy with who you are, there is no prescription for how you should live your life and please don't judge your life on the basis of what you think others are doing

I don’t love it but I don’t hate it. I’m very practical and never dreamed of any exciting career. I just wanted something stable and that’s what I have, so in that sense, I’m happy with it. Is it the most exciting/fulfilling? Not really. But it’s better than nothing, and I know so many who are struggling to find work in the current market, so I won’t complain

Your life actually sounds pretty lovely and 'normal' to me. You've got a job, family, a dog, you do family days out and parties when invited.

There's a tremendous pressure to get out there and meet people in your 20's. The irony is that your perfect match is probably also an introvert who enjoys a quiet life.

I'd say just try and relax and enjoy all the good things you've got going for you.