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Original poster

Why did these boys laugh at dd?

42 replies

Watermelon23 · 29/01/2024 10:44

Interested to hear opinions as to why these boys did this….

Dd (nearly 18) and has been friends with a boy the same age who she met through her sport for a couple of years. At first he seemed to be a romantic interest and there was a lot of messaging, but nothing developed and they are just friends. He is pretty shy generally, especially with girls and hasn’t had a girlfriend.

He had a recent party for his 18th for friends from the sports hobby, a mix of boys and girls including dd. He didn’t invite his school friends (lads) as he did something else with them separately. Apparently 3 of his school mates turned up at the house party (to drop off a present) and stayed for a bit. Dd said she felt uncomfortable as they were all pointing at her and laughing. She came home a bit unsettled by this but didn’t mention it to anyone.

The same thing has happened again this weekend. Dd was at the cinema with a group of her girlfriends and they bumped into her (male) friend and the same mates. She stopped briefly to say hi to him and said it was awkward because a couple of the mates were pulling faces and laughing.

Dd does not pick up social cues well so could have misinterpreted this but is now paranoid that they are all laughing behind her back and that there is something wrong with how she acts or looks. I have explained it’s probably just teen boys messing around but they seem a bit old to be behaving like this (would expect this is high school not college)?

I realise that I don’t read social cues well either and would have felt exactly the same as her! Can completely relate to it, which makes it tricky to help as I did it either! It’s easy to say just ignore it, they’re not worth it but not as easy to do this.

I’m interested to know why they behave like this and what the reasoning is for it? Any ideas?

OP posts:
Original poster
Watermelon23 · 29/01/2024 10:46

#as I don’t understand it either!

OP posts:
QuietBear · 29/01/2024 10:46

They're teasing their friend. As in...."Ha ha, there's that girl you fancy!"

Normal teenager stuff.

TheLadyIsAVamp · 29/01/2024 10:48

Yep agree with @QuietBear

2chocolateoranges · 29/01/2024 10:49

I would think he’s got a crush on your daughter has told his pals and they are acting that way cause that’s what teenage boys do.

nothing to do with your daughter and all to do with the guy who’s party it was.

booktokbear · 29/01/2024 10:49

I'm sorry op, I don't have the answer, but it puts me right back there and dealing with this kind of stuff.

You're right though, they do seem a bit old for this crap. Possibly they're teasing him because of their relationship, thinking it's more than friends etc.

Whatever it is it's pathetic and your daughter does not deserve it Flowers

MagpiePi · 29/01/2024 10:53

Can your daughter's girl friends shed any light on it?

Beautiful3 · 29/01/2024 10:56

I doubt they'd be so outright rude. They were probably teasing him saying, look there's the girl you like!

Underthesea5 · 29/01/2024 10:57

If DD is friends with the boy you should encourage and support her in asking him - I felt like your friends were laughing at me, do you know why?

Maybe invite this boy round to a family dinner at yours to get to know him, so you can get a sense of if he is really your DDs friend.

I'd say believe her in her interpretation of their behaviour and don't encourage her to think she was imagining it. She has noticed something but doesn't know what's behind it - couldn't be that the boy fancies her as PP had said. Could be something worse like her friend lying to the other boys that they have slept together or making fun of her to them.

3luckystars · 29/01/2024 10:58

He like her, and they are teasing HIM.

Willmafrockfit · 29/01/2024 10:58

QuietBear · 29/01/2024 10:46

They're teasing their friend. As in...."Ha ha, there's that girl you fancy!"

Normal teenager stuff.

sounds like it
did he blush do you know?

Original poster
Watermelon23 · 29/01/2024 14:54

No idea if he blushed or not, dd is not the most observant or socially aware!

He has been to our house a few times, and dd has been to his too. He was very polite and friendly, and was lovely to dd’s little brother.

Dd says he’s a totally different person when he is on his own with her, chatty and friendly. Unfortunately when other people are there, especially his friends or other boys from the club, he does seem to change personality, and is definitely very bothered about what his friends think and fitting in as one of the lads, looking cool, etc. When his friends or other boys are with him, he tends to ignore DD or is not hugely friendly. I think this is partly why they never really progressed things romantically. I know they have had a few hugs, but that’s as far as it’s gone.

DD has brought the subject up in the past with him and said it was hurtful to be ignored and apparently during the chat, he was pretty mature and apologised. But then just carries on like he did before. I think DD is secretly worried that he is embarrassed about her because of how she looks, which is how I would’ve reacted in the same situation at her age. She blames things like her braces.

I think it’s such a shame and basically boils down to a lack of communication.

OP posts:
CaptainMyCaptain · 29/01/2024 14:56

QuietBear · 29/01/2024 10:46

They're teasing their friend. As in...."Ha ha, there's that girl you fancy!"

Normal teenager stuff.

Yes. This.

Dacadactyl · 29/01/2024 15:00

I also think he likes her and his friends know it, so they're teasing him.

Logainm · 29/01/2024 15:05

Well, if the way he’s acting with her when he’s around his male friends bothers her, she should tell him, and withdraw a bit from the friendship. She shouldn’t have to be trying to figure out what’s going on, to the point where it’s upsetting her.

ilovebagpuss · 29/01/2024 15:25

Unless he's told them lies about their "friendship" but she would have to ask one of them or him what's so hilarious.
Otherwise just move away from this group they sound very immature.

Lancia72 · 29/01/2024 15:27

If she's getting bad vibes, there's a 99.9% chance she's not imagining it.

The teaching moment here for your daughter is to resolve not to spend her life trying to figure out why people are behaving the way they do - that way madness lies - and to confront this behaviour regardless of whether or not she's then gaslighted about the reason.

She'll feel much better learning to be a person who trusts her instincts and doesn't concern herself with what 'they' are doing/thinking, and people of good character will be attracted to her forthrightness and individuality.

Acrosstheeuniverese · 29/01/2024 15:31

It could be so many different things, could your DD not just say to him when they are alone..
" Hey I've noticed your mates laughing about me, any idea why?"

MumblesParty · 29/01/2024 16:00

Does she look distinctive in any way, apart from having a brace on her teeth?

Original poster
Watermelon23 · 29/01/2024 16:45

Acrosstheeuniverese · 29/01/2024 15:31

It could be so many different things, could your DD not just say to him when they are alone..
" Hey I've noticed your mates laughing about me, any idea why?"

This was my response

OP posts:
Original poster
Watermelon23 · 29/01/2024 16:52

Lancia72 · 29/01/2024 15:27

If she's getting bad vibes, there's a 99.9% chance she's not imagining it.

The teaching moment here for your daughter is to resolve not to spend her life trying to figure out why people are behaving the way they do - that way madness lies - and to confront this behaviour regardless of whether or not she's then gaslighted about the reason.

She'll feel much better learning to be a person who trusts her instincts and doesn't concern herself with what 'they' are doing/thinking, and people of good character will be attracted to her forthrightness and individuality.

Edited

This is good advice, and I’m embarrassed to say that it’s something I still struggle with.

i have wasted so much energy in the past going over and over stuff that has happened in my head and wondering what I had done wrong in my actions or blaming everything on what I looked like, thinking I wasn’t pretty or slim enough. I used to think everything boils down to looks that I will be much happier if I was prettier or slimmer (even though I actually was!). It didn’t cross my mind to think that the other people were the problem.

OP posts:
Original poster
Watermelon23 · 29/01/2024 16:54

MumblesParty · 29/01/2024 16:00

Does she look distinctive in any way, apart from having a brace on her teeth?

Only that she’s pretty tall (5;7) and very slim and very pretty. To me she stands out, but in a good way.

She would not describe herself as that, she would say, my nose is too big, my chest is too flat etc etc.

OP posts:
Pickles2023 · 29/01/2024 17:02

Watermelon23 · 29/01/2024 16:54

Only that she’s pretty tall (5;7) and very slim and very pretty. To me she stands out, but in a good way.

She would not describe herself as that, she would say, my nose is too big, my chest is too flat etc etc.

Show quote history

Yup i reckon mates teasing him because he likes her. Might be why he goes cold around them, because if he is perceived as nice or flirty to her they will use it.

You said he is shy so probably does not get any chats or a look in with girls at school, esp with those boys about.

ginasevern · 29/01/2024 17:04

I reckon the "lads" are teasing her male friend about having a romantic relationship with her, even though he didn't. He might have even embelished the story to them. Who knows what he's said? Them acting like dicks generally and trying to look cool is pretty standard teenage behaviour. I know everyone says that at 18 they are too old for this, but they really aren't in my experience.

I think she should ask him calmly and when they are alone just whey his friends seem to laugh at her. If, after that, it continues I suggest she distances herself from this group.

Bobbotgegrinch · 29/01/2024 17:32

I'd say he fancies her, he's made the mistake of telling his friends this, and now they're doing the standard teenage boy thing of winding him up every time they see her. The joke isn't about her, it's him they're trying to embarrass, she's just collateral damage.

It's probably also why he acts differently to her when his friends are around, he's trying not to do anything to set them off, so he's being aloof, distant, trying to pretend he doesn't care about her.

He doesn't even need to actually fancy her for this to be happening, his mates may have decided he does anyway.

Source: was once a teenage boy, have been on both the giving and receiving end of this.

Original poster
Watermelon23 · 29/01/2024 18:30

Bobbotgegrinch · 29/01/2024 17:32

I'd say he fancies her, he's made the mistake of telling his friends this, and now they're doing the standard teenage boy thing of winding him up every time they see her. The joke isn't about her, it's him they're trying to embarrass, she's just collateral damage.

It's probably also why he acts differently to her when his friends are around, he's trying not to do anything to set them off, so he's being aloof, distant, trying to pretend he doesn't care about her.

He doesn't even need to actually fancy her for this to be happening, his mates may have decided he does anyway.

Source: was once a teenage boy, have been on both the giving and receiving end of this.

Were you still doing it at 18?! I’d have expected it at 14/15 but they do say that boys mature later! 😂

It’s seems a shame to me that some teens struggle so much with communication and worry so much about what others think (I was the same myself), it makes you realise when you’re older how much easier life would be if everyone had a bit more confidence and higher self esteem. So many missed opportunities over misinterpretations! Not to mention the ongoing effects of feeling like there is something wrong with you when this happens.

Wouldn’t want to be a teen again!

OP posts: