Why did these boys laugh at dd?

[Watermelon23]

Interested to hear opinions as to why these boys did this….

Dd (nearly 18) and has been friends with a boy the same age who she met through her sport for a couple of years. At first he seemed to be a romantic interest and there was a lot of messaging, but nothing developed and they are just friends. He is pretty shy generally, especially with girls and hasn’t had a girlfriend.

He had a recent party for his 18th for friends from the sports hobby, a mix of boys and girls including dd. He didn’t invite his school friends (lads) as he did something else with them separately. Apparently 3 of his school mates turned up at the house party (to drop off a present) and stayed for a bit. Dd said she felt uncomfortable as they were all pointing at her and laughing. She came home a bit unsettled by this but didn’t mention it to anyone.

The same thing has happened again this weekend. Dd was at the cinema with a group of her girlfriends and they bumped into her (male) friend and the same mates. She stopped briefly to say hi to him and said it was awkward because a couple of the mates were pulling faces and laughing.

Dd does not pick up social cues well so could have misinterpreted this but is now paranoid that they are all laughing behind her back and that there is something wrong with how she acts or looks. I have explained it’s probably just teen boys messing around but they seem a bit old to be behaving like this (would expect this is high school not college)?

I realise that I don’t read social cues well either and would have felt exactly the same as her! Can completely relate to it, which makes it tricky to help as I did it either! It’s easy to say just ignore it, they’re not worth it but not as easy to do this.

I’m interested to know why they behave like this and what the reasoning is for it? Any ideas?

Thanks, it puts me right back there too! And I remember how awful I used to feel as I used to think there was something embarrassing about me.

I then spent years worrying about my looks , my hair my weight my clothes etc, presuming I was getting it wrong and others all seemed to look normal with minimal effort!

I really don’t want dd to feel like this, but sadly I can see the signs already and it’s so sad.

they don’t realise the effect this can have!

Is there any chance she has shared more intimate photos that have then been shared with these boys?

I'd hope me and my friends had grown out of it by that point, but memories a tricky thing and I reckon everyone blocks out some of their least favourite bits of their past.

I've certainly seen men in their twenties behaving like this at times, especially after a few beers, so it's certainly possible for a bunch of 18 year olds.

Omg I hope not, but obviously nowadays it is a concern!

I would guess not as the boy friend is pretty inexperienced with girls, hasn’t ever kissed a girl and generally not hugely confident communicating with them unless in a purely friendly way, eg when discussing maths or sport. But you never know 😩

Despite all the obvious fear of confrontation being displayed on here, the reality is that by saying nothing and then fiercely debating what the boys 'meant' by it is to put the little monkeys on a pedestal they have absolutely no right to be on.

If they've made her feel bad, a firm 'What's your problem?' is the life skill she's going to have learn eventually or be a pushover all her life.

It doesn't MATTER if by some tiny chance they don't intend to embarrass/make uncomfortable/whatever. Let THEM explain to HER they don't mean anything by it - which will no doubt be BS, but their day won't have quite gone to plan, and they won't mess with her quite so casually again.

Let THEM realise they need to consider other people's feelings.

I would say because he is inexperienced with girls that his friends are laughing because of the novelty of him potentially liking a girl and his awkwardness rather than at her , but OP even if it takes you back to that place and you don't really feel you understand the answer you have to try and fake it and tell her they are being silly boys and to not give them a second thought - otherwise your past insecurities and doubts will rub off on her .

Totally agree with this!

If he's her friend, then he should stand up for her. It's embarrassing all.around,. Your dds uncomfortable, sounds like he is too (nervous) and the lads have nothing better to do than follow him to the pictures ect.

If they're 18, so any others have a gf? Can't they go and have a drink/ bowling/ teenage things..

It brings back memories for me too, my first bf at 15, I walked HIM home and somebody thought he was my young nephew..and he cheated on me 😂

It sounds like standard silly boy behaviour. Although teenage girls do it to. Don’t you remember all the giggling and teasing when someone you fancied showed up somewhere?

They’re definitely teasing him for having a pretty friend if he’s never had a girlfriend before and if things looked to be going that way before it’s likely he’s told them.
I remember uni lads being like this. Not sure boys ever actually mature.

can she text him ‘why were your mates laughing at me?’ Straight to the point

I would go against the general opinion here.
If I were you I would not encourage your Dd to consider the idea that the party boy could have a crush on her.
It could possibly be the very opposite.
Maybe he is just mates with her and likes her platonically but he has told his friends that she has a crush on him.
Approaching him and questioning what the problem is could lead to further teasing if he goes back to his mates with it.
If it is upsetting her perhaps it’s worth encouraging her to give this boy and his silly mates a wide berth for a while.

The could have a crushm they could be just mean, or your child could be thinking somehting that has not happened

If my child did not read social cues then i would not feel they were able to fully understand situations so before I think my child is reading a situation excatley as they think I would be not label the other people as 'bad'' or think badly of them

Sure they could be but if this is all going just on what she thinks how reliable is that? I would presume if they were outright mean to her she would get that?

And before anyone cries victim blaming I am not blaming anyone I do wonder if the situation was recorded and played back how many versions would poster's (or the OP and daughter) think?

These people are 18, before I read that, I presumed your daughter was 7 or something!

She is an adult. Yes, the lads are being immature as usual, but at 18, I really think your daughter should have a much thicker skin.

Why does she not say something to them, lalong the lines of "What's the matter with you?" or better yet "Fuck off, you dicks".

She really needs some self-assertion otherwise she won't be able to cope with the big wide world.

Yes I think this is what she thinks.

I mentioned that perhaps he fancied her and she dismissed that as she can’t imagine anyone ever fancying her….such is her opinion of herself.

She is worried he has said she fancies him to his mates and embellished it a bit (to be honest I think she does fancy him deep down but would never admit it as would be scared of rejection!)

Yes I agree assertiveness needs improvement, she is a huge people pleaser as am I. I am a terrible role model in this area.

He's not coming across very well here at all tbh and I wouldn't be impressed if I were you.

He's not a decent friend of hers if he'll let his mates rip the piss out of her, regardless of the reason.

I'd back off from him completely until he matures.

Next time she could say hi, smile and wave from afar, and keep walking. If he messages her to see why she didn't stop, she could say, because everytime I talk to you, your mates point and laugh at me. Perhaps he'll offer an explanation, or tell them to stop.