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Original poster

Do your parents hang out with your in laws?

73 replies

2024namechange · 26/01/2024 21:12

Last year my parents moved to near where me and my in laws live. Ever since they have started hanging out with my in laws without us quite regularly - lunch, dinners and coffees mainly.

90% of me thinks it’s really nice, great that everyone gets along. 10% of me wonders what they talk about when we aren’t there!

How normal is this? Anyone else’s parents besties with their in laws?? 😂

OP posts:
Missingmyusername · 26/01/2024 21:20

DM often went out with MIL- my dad passed away years ago and MIL is divorced. They used to go out for meals and talk gardening and dogs. Got on well.

MIL met her partner and moved away and DM’s health has declined so it’s not possible now. They still speak on the phone though.

2Hot2Handle · 26/01/2024 21:21

Mine don’t, although my Dad and his girlfriend spent Boxing Day with my DH’s parents and got on really well. I think this is lovely! You’re very lucky!

User415373 · 26/01/2024 21:21

No, been with my DH 15 years and my mum can't stand my MIL. I absolutely love her. It's so awkward and I hate it.
Would 100% rather your situation!

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Hibernatalie · 26/01/2024 21:21

No, they enjoy a chat and a catch up when we're all together for DC's birthdays for example, but they wouldn't ever get together without us.

My mum worked with my sisters MiL though years ago so they were kind of friends.

Original poster
2024namechange · 26/01/2024 21:22

@User415373 absolutely that sounds like very hard work!

OP posts:
mynameiscalypso · 26/01/2024 21:23

I don't think our respective parents have been in the same room since we got married 10 years ago. There was a brief period of exchanging Christmas cards and gifts through us but that stopped a few years back. They have absolutely nothing in common. My mum thinks my ILs are very tedious (which they are)

theduchessofspork · 26/01/2024 21:23

Yes they did. I think it’s fairly normal - they are the same-ish age presumably, they have family ties and they must get on - I hate to break it to you OP but if they’re becoming friends they will have plenty to talk about that doesn’t involve you

DelurkingAJ · 26/01/2024 21:26

Nope. Polite at a distance. DMIL was genuinely touched when DM sent her a card after a recent operation. Nothing in common apart from us (and much more importantly to both sets DSs!). Both fabulous parents, just different.

Yesnosorryplease · 26/01/2024 21:27

DHs mum had him when she was a teenager, my parents had me at nearly 40. Consequently they were completely different generations! They had such different backgrounds, experiences etc - nothing in common. Not sure MIL even got my parents' names right in the occasional Christmas card!

I find it so weird that DH and I get along so well, get through life as a real team and yet the people we are otherwise closest too are like aliens to each other!!

spriots · 26/01/2024 21:29

I have a divorced friend whose mum is still close friends with her former MIL.

My parents and my in laws chat occasionally but aren't close

GrettaGreen · 26/01/2024 21:32

My stepmum and DW's stepmum got friendly for a bit after we married and the eventually fell out. Both are the type that are quick to fall out with others so we just made sure we kept well out of it from the very beginning. I never said it but it was overstepping imo.

Lyricallie · 26/01/2024 21:32

Absolutely not. They met at our engagement party and we had been together 8 years by that point. Since then the only other time was the wedding. They were supposed to come to my 30th but they cancelled day off. So yea, not pally and very very different people.

Shadowsindarkplaces · 26/01/2024 21:34

I've only met DILs parents once at the wedding. So no..
It's not that we don't get on. We don't know each other. They seemed very nice at the wedding. They have totally different lifestyles, nothing in common, and don't live locally. We live in a small council bungalow, I work FT in low waged job, DH retired. They live in a huge multi-million property and are wealthy.
They brought up DIL, so they must be nice, she is lovely, we love her too. DIL likes coming to ours, and DS/DIL live nearer to us anyway. .

DDs partners parents we haven't met either. It's just not happened. They live 4 hours away. They've been together for 10 years..Again lovely lad and no reason to think we wouldn't get on, just different lives.

DreamingInPhosphorescence · 26/01/2024 21:34

They first met at our wedding, then when dc1 was born. They have absolutely nothing in common, other than their kids being married to each other.

AuntieMarys · 26/01/2024 21:36

Mine met at our wedding for the first time. Never saw each other again

ohtowinthelottery · 26/01/2024 21:37

I think my parents and in-laws only ever met 3 times. DH and I have been married for 35 years.
They live at opposite sides of the country but even if they'd been next door neighbours I don't think they'd have hung out together. They are very different people - although they would have been neighbourly.

Janella · 26/01/2024 21:37

Mine are very different to each other and there's a fair age gap. After they all moved to my town in recent years they've given it a good go and have done lunches etc without us but honestly I think they've got as far as they ever will. They're too different. They'll sit together if they end up at the same coffee morning etc but no proactive meet ups anymore.

FacingTheWall · 26/01/2024 21:38

Well, my parents and in laws - not a chance. However, I’m good friends with my ds’s partner’s parents, and my grandmothers used to visit each other regularly, so I don’t think it’s that unusual.

Original poster
2024namechange · 26/01/2024 21:41

@AuntieMarys interested why your parents hadn’t met before your wedding

Before they started socialising, our parents had met on a few occasions:

  • when we moved into our first flat
  • when we moved house again
  • big birthdays
  • our engagement party etc
OP posts:
newtlover · 26/01/2024 21:42

When I first met DP our respective parents lived in nearby towns, they had little or no contact. Superficially they were not that dissimilar (as in roughly equivalent income etc) but very different values and tastes.

Now I'm in the position where my adult DCs have in laws- they all seem very nice, and I think we are probably more compatible than my parents and ILs, but the opportunities to meet are scarce and so I think we will only ever be friendly, not really friends.

ArchetypalBusyMum · 26/01/2024 21:43

Nope.
I would have quite liked that to have been possible tbh, but my ILs treated me like shit for 20 years, which rather put my parents off them.
Now they finally are of the view that I will do as a wife for their ds, and treat me like a person worthy of respect, we all do civil relations... but the friendship boat sailed a long time ago.

I wouldn't worry about the gossip they share, it's a nice thing I think.

Inyourwildestdreams · 26/01/2024 21:45

Been together 15 years and parents and in laws will meet this spring for the first time ever at our wedding 😂 them and our siblings are the only guests so let’s hope they all get on 😅🙈

Original poster
2024namechange · 26/01/2024 21:50

@Inyourwildestdreams that’s crazy! How come they haven’t met before?

After we had been together about a year my parents started asking when they were going to meet ILs.

OP posts:
User1775 · 26/01/2024 21:55

No absolutely not! DP are atheist beef farmers and PIL vegan fundamentalist catholics! They have met and spoken once - at our wedding!

grisen · 26/01/2024 21:55

Been together 10.5 years, have a 5 year old and married for 2 years.
my in laws and parents haven’t met, partially because we are from two different countries and for the first 8 years we lived in a different town from my in laws, but in the same country.
Now we live in my country and in-laws have never visited us.

Ironically my parents are still great friends with my former in-laws even though he’s been dead for 12 years and we were teenagers when we dated.