Offering to treat 'broke' friend

[Rewis]

My friend has fallen hard times for reasons. She and her family have the basics but she can't afford any luxuries. She has recently moved to same city as me (yay) and while I love doing free/cheap stuff with her, I'd also like to do some stuff that costs occationally. I don't have too many friends and I would love to go to things with my friend that I don't want to go alone.

There is a wine thing in a few week that costs £25 and I decided to say "hey, just saw this on Instagram. If you're in town and into it, I'd love to treat us with tickets so we can have a little luxury for this shitty time of year" I know it was a bit risky to offer to cover her but I tried to make it as casual as possible and make it easy to decline. Now she hasn't answered for several hours.

It is a bit too late to not send it. But I'm wondering did I totally fuck it up?

Possibly .. I have far better off than my friends and I usually just say I got free tickets would you like to come in this scenario .

I think that was a lovely thought and you're very sweet. Hopefully she takes it in the spirit it was intended.

It's a nice thing to do. I'd maybe have said I already had the tickets so she doesn't feel she has to refuse them. I used to send my friend takeaways when she was struggling and only last week she treated me to cocktails as I'm newly unemployed.

Not at all! I sometimes treat my friends and vice versa. It's a lovely thing to offer and didn't sound patronising in any way to me.
Maybe she's just busy or bogged down with things at the minute. I wouldn't message her again just yet though, maybe over the weekend just message a kind of 'hey, just checking in as hadn't heard from you and wanted to make sure you're ok' (don't mention the outing unless she does). See how the land lies then. I'd find it odd if she took offence to your treat offer. If she has, and says so, I'd just say you occasionally treat other friends too and didn't mean any offence by it at all, you just thought it might be a nice thing to do together and would love to treat her 🤷‍♀️

I think it's fine and really nice of you. Maybe she's just busy.

Sounds great, hopefully she'll get back soon

I thought about this but decided against it. I kinda felt weird. But I'm not sure why since in general little white lies are totally fine.

does she have children?

Also asking if she has children. Does she have someone to watch them if so? Money for a babysitter? Will she feel the pressure to buy a new outfit? Have money to spend on getting there? I’ve been bones of my arse poor and these are the things that stopped me taking people up on those kind of things.

If your friends offended I think that she is being over sensitive and you’ll just have to not offer again. You sound like a lively friend.

kind suggestion

but if she’s truly on bones of arse, she will be thinking “what i could have done with that £25”

She has kids. Husband or her parents can look after them (if they can). No need for a new outfit. She can walk to the venue. If you want to you can use money there, but it is not a necessity. Ticket includes basics but if you want upgrades you can pay extra. Happy to pay for those at the location depending on the vibe. And afterwards we can easily come back to mine for some 'free' wine from the fridge.

She and her family have the basics but she can't afford any luxuries.

She’s not.

I think the use of luxury might have been the issue. Or maybe she's busy atm.

I think it’s nice and it’s what I would do when friends are in the same boat. When things improve I’m sure she will return the favour

If you're in town and into it,

Maybe she's not "into it" & doesn't know how to say?

Or it might have been better just to ask if she fancied it & your shout if she did?

Sounds good, and the kind of thing I'd do for a friend in similar circumstances.

I think it was a nice offer. If she doesn’t want to, she could just decline. She’s probably busy or needs to check childcare before answering.

Very thoughtful, she may be thinking at some point she has to reciprocate so could possibly be putting her off replying while shenfigures it out or hopefully she is just having a busy afternoon and will message you later to say, Yes please! Hope you get to go together, sounds fab.

I've done similar for close friends if they're broke. I have one friend though who just won't have it. She goes to events and stuff but will pay even though she has no savings. We're all different.

I really hope your friend will be ok with you?

Would you go alone?

If you're short of friends maybe try meet up? You'll meet people with similar interests.

I was thinking this. I would have given her the money, tbh.

It's only been a few hours, maybe her phone is on silent/DND. Give her a chance! (And if she doesn't wanna come, I'll come!)

You sound very kind @Rewis What a lovely friend you are.

I am sure she will get back to you soon with a 'YES PLEASE!!!'

Free wine?! Who the F would say no to that?! 😆

I would imagine she'd hate that. It'd feel like charity. Whereas OP wants to go to this night out and wants company so is benefiting.

I don't think a £25 offer is so wildly luxurious to be offensive. I think you worded it fine, too. She is probably just busy

I think it was a lovely gesture. Maybe she just feels a little awkward about you paying and thinking how to accept/decline as she feels she needs to reciprocate.