Coach Keep Shouting At Son

[ProtectiveParent]

NC for this one and looking for advice please.

My son plays football for a team, they are grassroots, so are very young.

The coach shouts at the boys all the time, particularly my son, who at times has starting crying and comes off the pitch and won't return for the remaining of the game.

I'm starting to get annoyed with this. He does not let the boys play, he's constantly shouting at each of them when they receive the ball and I find it aggressive.

If one of them makes a mistake he tells them/shouts at them mid game which is causing them to cry as I'd imagine they feel embarrassed.

I'm pretty sure other parents feel them same but they say nothing, probably in fear of confrontation and repercussions.

Sorry, I pressed too soon.

This coach is not approachable and he's a control freak and is bossy and domineering towards parents also.

How can I tackle this? Pardon the pun.

Have you spoken to the other parents? It might be helpful to gauge other people’s thoughts.

No, I haven't. I've keen not to rock the boat but I'm finding it more difficult every week to keep my mouth shut.

*been keen

And why have you taken him back? My ds9 plays football.. On route to great things apparently.. His coach works him hard... Ds has never said a negative thing about him.With encouragement.. I have witnessed another team coach literally verbally abusing his team. If my ds had been in that team I would have stopped the game and taken him home.. Find somewhere else op..

How far into the season is it? Either find a new team now for next season.

All too common, unfortunately.

This happened to us with a different sport. My husband took him aside for a conversation and it toned right down.

Find another team. Sometimes in grassroots teams there can be a collective acceptance of an unhealthy coaching style amongst the parents if the team are doing well or the club has a good reputation.
It took almost a year to undo the effect an aggressive coach can have on our 7 old.

Be aware though, coaches are very vocal so listen carefully to what he's saying and perhaps have a chat, if it's more the tone rather than the content that's upsetting your son. Either way you need to face it head on.

This coach is a parent my I add. He's not a professional coach.

Definitely a conversation required. Several parents, if possible.

Is there a welfare protection officer? Might be worth speaking to them? (Not sure if all clubs have one but I'm one for 2 sports groups so they might do)

There is a welfare officer, and I've toyed with the idea of reporting the issues.

I don't know if it's worth just removing my son from the team as i'm sure if would get back to the coach about who's reported him and potentially make things worse for my child.

Just remove him OP, find another club. There are plenty of clubs who will be recruiting for next season in the coming months.

I’d just report the guy, personally. I’d record the shouting, just audio, because if the WO turns up you may find he ain’t so vocal.

He’ll be doing more harm than good. The team my son played for collapsed, all because of one man’s ego😬

Yes this - life's too short and sport should be fun at that age - well most ages really!

Why is this ok? Omg, what my daughter went through with waterpolo, it was disgusting.

helpful for the players, no
highlighting that the coach is a dickhead control freak loser asshole, yes

Ugh my son had a coach like this. Unfortunately at grassroots level we - and friends with kids at other clubs - have found that issues fed back to the coach, safeguarding officer or head of club don't get dealt with and coaches like this are free to continue to shout at and bully kids.

We ended up moving our son to a fab team with kind coaches who know how to coach. Other parents also moved their kids so the team 'folded'. The coach is now coaching v young kids at another club - I expect the same thing will happen there.

Why have you not said anything about this? I removed my son from a football team because the coach was an arsehole to the kids.

Do touch rugby instead - better culture of respect IME 😊

You need to move your son to another club/ sport. We found gymnastics similar and because it's an 'in demand' sport they seem to think they can get away with it. We moved her and she is much happier in less intense sports

You are teaching your son that this is acceptable as he looks to you when this is happening and you don’t stop it/remove him and you send him back on the field and each week. I promise this has a lasting effect.

Even if your son was playing in the World Cup, that kind of behaviour isn’t ok and isn’t going to magically correct technical mistakes that may have been made.
I’d be very concerned about what he’s like with his kids at home 😢
If you are worried about your name being repeated, make an anonymous email address and send a complaint. It sounds like you’ve seen more than one boy who was too upset to play after being shouted at.

Oh absolutely move him and report to the WO.
These coaches are usually parent volunteers and have no more idea how to run a football team than you or I. I was surprised when I became involved in my younger son’s team as team sec how little the clubs really do. They provide the training and match facilities and otherwise it really is the fiefdom of the manager.

My younger son’s team is run as a collective democracy which is bloody annoying at
times as every parent feels the need to weigh in on every micro decision, the older one is more of a benign dictatorship, he does give them the hairdryer treatment sometimes but it’s all in good fun and both boys love it. What’s the point otherwise?

The obvious solution is to find another team. Other boys may follow when their parents hear about you acting on this unacceptable situation.

What do you want to happen?

If you want to keep your son in the team and for the coach to change, and you've let the coach know how this is affecting the kids, and there's been no change, let the welfare officer know. This may not be the magic wand though and coach may either continue or leave entirely and team disband
Could you step up to support? is there another parent who could offer to help and bring a different view to it?
If you don't want to do the above, move him to another team and make sure you say why.