Is it more normal to be close to your wider family, cousins etc?

[parsnippip]

I am at an age where the older generation, aunts and uncles won't be around much longer and I realise that once they go I will probably not really see my cousins ever again.

I am not sure any of us are that close as we all lived quite far apart growing up and my brother and me are kind of in the middle with either much older or much younger cousins on either side. We see each other at weddings, funerals etc but we are pretty much strangers to each other. On my Mums side we don't see and have never really seen those cousins at all as my mum is estranged from her family even though we lived nearer them and had cousins more in our age range there.

It doesn't really upset me but it is sad that in a couple decades there will likely be no ties at all between us and I already don't recognise cousins on my mums side and would walk past them in the street.

My cousins on my dads side are like siblings to me, I value these relationships so much

I cut my 2 aunts and uncles, my 5 cousins and the 12 children they have between them out of my life some 15 years ago when my parents died. (All on mum's side - dad was an only child.)

My brother moved to another country so I never see him hardly - seen him once in 10 years. We get on OK but just don't really have much of a relationship now. Speak via email maybe 5 times a year. Not seen my 2 nephews since 2016. He doesn't keep in touch with any of the extended family either. Along with him and his wife and 2 kids - his wife's parents and younger brother - all live in that other country now. (her parents and brother moved 3 years after my brother and SIL.)

My family now is an elderly great aunt (my dad's aunt,) who hasn't seen my extended family for 25 years and has no desire to, (and her daughter, and grandaughter,) who live 30 miles away. Also DH's brother, and his wife and 2 young adult DC, and of course my own DC and DH.

My extended family are parasites and scum who robbed 1000s of pounds from my grandmother when she died, and stole all her silver, and her jewelry. They would look at home on Jeremy Kyle. I found out from someone who knows them that one half of them fell out with the other half 3 or 4 years ago, and they never speak. They were always gobshites and parasites when my parents were alive and I was seeing them once or twice a week. (We all lived within 3-4 miles of one another. I moved away 40 miles from them all, about a decade ago, and never have to see them thankfully.)

I’ve got a lot of cousins but can’t say I’m close to any of them. I’m in touch with 3 or 4 of them on social media but we are very different so I don’t enjoy their company much and only see them at weddings and funerals on the whole.

I’m currently in Australia for my nieces wedding….we have spent 6 weeks here with BIL and SIL…..there’s me, my 3 DC, 2 of my GC….we are spending time with DN and family, DNiece and family….my other SIL is also here from U.K….. my nieces other aunties from U.K. are here and her 85 year granny….we are currently planning a trip for beginning of 2025 …..I am invited to all my great nephew and nieces parties at home in U.K…..I’m 59 now so maybe it won’t be like this for next generation? ….,but my DD was bridesmaid for her cousin and very close……and my eldest DS is very close to 3 of his male cousins….I can’t see us ever not seeing each other regularly……I WhatsApp one of my cousins every day.

I have one friend who is very close to all of her 20+ cousins - her dad was one of 12 kids and the cousins all lived within a few miles of each other so grew up together. her dad only moved an hour away so she saw some, if not all of them, at least once a month. As adults they are in regular contact by text, group WhatsApp etc and see each other once every few months

On the other hand I only have 5 cousins. 3 are over 15 years younger than me and while I saw them a lot when they were little kids 2 of them they now live abroad, but I do make the effort to see them when they visit my gran. Another two are more like my age (as in they are also in their 30s) but grew up in England whereas I am Scottish so we only saw each other once or twice a year, as we grew up that contact naturally fizzled. One of them I kind of wish I saw more but it’s very rare he is able to get here to visit our gran and there’s absolutely no reason I would need to go to where he lives and could tie in a visit - just rocking up to see him one day would be really weird given we don’t have regular contact. His brother is a free spirit hippy, none of us know what continent he is on most of the time but he’s enjoying his life and I’m happy for him.

My cousins are all close. Sadly I live overseas so I’m missing out. I’m sad my Dc don’t have this big supportive family around them and all my cousins kids to grow up with. It’s a very lonely life.

Not being in contact with most of your family is a very English thing, it would seem.

I'm in that camp as well. It's sad really. Families should make more effort to stay in touch and meet up, but it just doesn't happen, sadly.

My Dad had an aunt who lived about 5 miles away, and I don't think he ever saw her. They send each other Christmas cards every year though.

Yes, the English way is no or low contact for decades, but send a Christmas card every year. 🙄

I have two cousins my age, whose mother fell out with my mother and her other sister as we were early adults/late teens. Saw them at DGM funeral, none of them came to DGF funeral when we were mid twenties. Which meant they have never met our third cousin, who was a baby, and is now 18. I saw him every year or so when he was younger but his mother is really difficult to talk to on the phone and we just don’t have a relationship. It makes me sad.

DH hadn’t seen any of his cousins for decades, but then one died aged 39 and since going to her funeral they try and meet up once a year or so. In d fact we have more contact with one of his cousins that BIL and SIl

I couldn't even tell you the names of all my cousins on my Mum's side and I haven't seen those on my Dad's side since my Aunt's funeral which must be nearly 10 years ago now. I have nothing against them and we haven't fallen out or anything but we all grew up in different parts of the country and apart from the 12% DNA or whatever it is that first cousins typically share we don't have much in common.
I suppose in the days when extended families commonly lived close to each other and cousins grew up together it was different but that's far less usual these days. My children are all adults now and are much closer to their friends than their cousins. I doubt they've met each other more than once or twice a year on average throughout their lives in fact and when their grandparents die and there's no longer a "family home" I doubt they'll see each other again barring weddings and funerals.

I try to make an effort, and I go and visit my cousins every once in a while. Not one of them has ever come and visited me though. I’ve invited them, but they act like I live on Mars (actually it’s just 4 or 5 hours away).

I disagree with the poster who said it’s an English thing. DH is Dutch and he’s pretty much lost contact with his cousins. When his aunt tried to organise an extended family reunion party recently she was forced to abandon it due to lack of interest.

I think it’s they stage where bar people
moving away lots of people start to realise you don’t have a relationship with your cousins apart from the basically forced childhood one that purely existed because your parents got on with their siblings really well and so you spent loads of time together but you where never friends that had mutual interests bar these family Gatherings.

I haven’t spoken to any of my cousins for years bar an event, my dh hasn’t spoken to his again at all apart from weddings and funerals.

Our children and his siblings children don’t actually get on so the cousins down his side of the family for the generation down have zero relationship and even the forced family events don’t actually get them doing much but tolerating each other.

We close to dads side we have a cousins whatsapp. Mams side not as much. Great promises to meet it never happens. Nobody followed it up. Just not as close ..

My mums sister died when her kids were very young adults and my mum has been a close aunty to them so I’m in pretty good contact with them even though we live far apart.
on my dads side I have some I know but am not close to and a couple I wouldn’t recognise in the street.

I think geography plays a large part. If you all live fairly local to one another and are a similar age, you are far more likely to see one another more often and develop a closer bond.

I have just one cousin, and I've only ever met him half a dozen times in my whole life. He now lives overseas and I haven't seen him for over 10 years.

Friendly dosent have to mean clingy. Odd.

It's a case of seeing them at weddings and funerals. That's it.

I’m an only child of two onlies, so no extended fam for me. We do see DH’s two cousins from time to time, and his siblings have eight kids between them who are my DC’s cousins, but geography/age gap means we rarely see them and they are not close. TBH, I’m busy, and don’t have time to see my friends as much as I would like.

🙄

Close to my cousins on both sides, we have WhatsApp groups and meet up pretty frequently. It's a bit more difficult now we are all married with kids etc, it's harder to get dates that suit, but we make the effort for birthdays and other occasions. We go on holidays/trips together in smaller groups. As Irish families go, we are only small numbers, and spent a lot of time together growing up, so it has just continued from then. We aren't clingy though 😂

I've never been particularly close to my cousins. We saw each other all the time when I was a kid because I spent a lot of time at my Nana's house. I'm the oldest grandchild on both sides though and I think my next cousin is about six years younger than me so we didn't really have much in common growing up. I do get on with them when we do meet but my brother and sister are closer to some of them.

Even now the ones I do see tend to be when visiting my Nana, if not she's a right gossip so will keep us all up to date with what the others are doing. We lost DM and an aunt in the past few years though, and with my Nana being in her late 70s I can see a future where I don't see or hear about them at all.