Is it more normal to be close to your wider family, cousins etc?

[parsnippip]

I am at an age where the older generation, aunts and uncles won't be around much longer and I realise that once they go I will probably not really see my cousins ever again.

I am not sure any of us are that close as we all lived quite far apart growing up and my brother and me are kind of in the middle with either much older or much younger cousins on either side. We see each other at weddings, funerals etc but we are pretty much strangers to each other. On my Mums side we don't see and have never really seen those cousins at all as my mum is estranged from her family even though we lived nearer them and had cousins more in our age range there.

It doesn't really upset me but it is sad that in a couple decades there will likely be no ties at all between us and I already don't recognise cousins on my mums side and would walk past them in the street.

I last spent time (infrequently) with cousins/aunts on DF side when I was around 11, before DP divorced. I’ve seen a couple of aunts & DGM since then, but always very infrequently as they are a distance away and DF not around. I next saw cousins at DGM funeral 9 years ago, I have seen an aunt twice since then. They are all strangers really which is a little sad, especially when I think how I would hate for my DN to feel that about me, but they probably will. They are growing and starting to move away with various courses/work etc.
On DM side, I last saw aunts/uncles at DGM funeral during covid. No cousins. Your situation sounds more normal to me than people who are in each others lives regularly.

I'm close to the majority of my cousins, but then we were all mostly brought up by our grandparents so we were closer to being siblings when we were younger, rather than cousins. On both sides of my family there are family businesses so I'm still close to most.

Most of my friends are very close with their extended family though, and all see their cousins regularly. That could be a cultural or "local" thing though.

There are a few cousins that I've completely lost touch with though, due to family fall outs and drifting apart. I find it really weird that I have relations out there that I know nothing about, and odd that my parents have nieces and nephews who've had children that they've never met and don't know what they're doing. I could walk past them in the street and be none the wiser which I find a bit freaky!

For some families it may be but on the whole I don't think it's very common to be close with wider family.

When I was a kid yes I used to see my cousins and aunts/uncles probably every week. Now in my mid 30's it's more at a party/wedding/funeral etc. Some cousins I haven't seen for many years. We don't live close by probably about 30-40mins drive away from most of them.

I really only see my immediate family, parents and siblings/nieces/nephews.

I've got two cousins who I am close to. I like them and they have children a similar age to mine. I make an effort to see them though- I will go to visit them overnight (2 hour drive) every few months. I love them dearly and hope they will always be part of my life.

My cousins on my other side we see much less- maybe only once a year at Christmas but when we do get together we have fun. I certainly wouldn't consider them strangers although we don't keep in touch often.

I wouldn't recognise any of my cousins in the street tbh - my mum isn't close to her siblings at all and although we some when we were little they lived in different areas of the uk - my dad was similar but they were all overseas. My cousins vary in age from being roughly the same age as me to about 20 years younger. I'm not even sure how many i have!
DP on the other hand is close to his cousins- his parents only have one sibling between them with two children - he and his brothers see the cousins almost as much as they see each other
so i don't think its a era/tiem thing just depends on your specific situation

My wider family is very much like this. I know that my parents are really disappointed that I've got no relationship with any of my cousins. The problem was that my parents generation were the first to not live near their family but just took for granted that their kids would be as close as if they'd grown up near each other.

Happily estranged from my wider family.

I don’t think there’s any normal. People who are very close to their siblings and remain in geographic proximity to then growing up are more likely to have children who are close to each other. People who don’t have a lot in common with their siblings and branch out, are less likely to.

I don’t think I’ve seen any of my cousins in decades. We don’t live in the same parts of the country and I doubt we have much in common. We saw each other a couple of times a year at most as children and grew up very differently.

I don’t think it’s particularly sad. My friends, the people I choose myself based on shared personalities, interests, values and so on, are the people I value relationships with. I don’t feel any sense of ties to people I’ve no more in common with than a small amount of genetic material.

I'm in a similar position. Aunties, uncles and cousins spread out all over during my childhood so rarely saw them. Only my parents got invited to my cousins weddings (and the same for mine) as there were so many of us. There is now only 1 uncle left on one side of my family (out of 6) and 1 auntie (by marriage) left on the other. Both of my parents are dead. I did meet up with some cousins at funerals and one side now has a WhatsApp group with most of the cousins in (think there's 2 that don't do Whatsapp).
On the other side I haven't a few cousins on Facebook now. We all agreed that our parents dying meant a break in any links as our parents always shared info about what our cousins were doing even though we never saw them. At least now we have some connection.

I only have a small handful of cousins on my facebook. Never see them. Only hear from them if there is a funeral. I never go as I live miles away.

Some have deleted me on Facebook too over the years. For no reason at all! That is how good mine are lol.

Our family is weird I think. Bar one set of cousins theres been no contact between any of us since our grandparent died 12 years ago. Uncles & Aunties don't talk to each other, or us. Some siblings don't talk.

I feel really sad about it. I'm the youngest & was always treated like an outsider tbh.

None of my cousins lived near me growing up, and we’d only see them maybe once or twice a year, at Grandparents houses etc.

Since the grandparents have passed away, we make a concerted effort to have a cousin getogether once a year (although doesn’t always happen). The advent of social media makes it easier as we have a family chat group so keep in touch that way.

I'm also at this stage...my aunts and uncles dying. I had five cousins. Two are abroad and I don't have much in common with them. We are friends on Facebook and that's it. One sadly died. Another lives in the UK but we don't keep in touch...no animosity though, just don't. One cousin I'm closer to and probably see once or twice a year.

It's odd isn't it...I remember having a blast with them at Christmas time.

But anyway, I think it's quite normal to be close but also quite normal to never speak or see them

Thanks everyone, its made me feel a bit better to realise this is pretty standard, I suppose its just not the fairytale version and its a shame that those links will fade away but I suppose its mostly to do with no living near each other!

I've just come back from my aunts funeral. It was lovely to see my cousins in Ireland again.
I have 12 cousins overall - we've kept in touch since our parents have died. Mostly via facebook, phone calls and occasional catch ups. I have no plans to stop! They're nice people and it brings back happy memories of childhood.

As the older generation started to disappear, one of my cousins introduced dinners where up to 9 of us got together. We all realised that if we didn’t make an effort we would lose touch since the only time we were seeing each other was at funerals. Our parents didn’t all get on all the time but we all agreed that their issues had nothing to do with us. We weren’t all close when we were growing up but we have become so now.

I've not seen any of my cousins for almost 20 years. My aunts and uncles moved so far away when I was tiny that we've never been in contact much as adults.
I love seeing what they're up to on Facebook though.

Perfectly normal. Not seen my cousins for 30+ years, and wouldn't recognise them. No fall out, just no reason to be in touch. This is fine by me, as the idea of a large, clingy family is really unappealing.

Sorry - I answered the question wrongly..... I think it's very unusual to be in touch with wider family.

This is a fantastic response and so true.

Every family is different, and there are all sorts of different reasons why some people are closer and others less so.

What we found though, is when all of our parents were alive, they were the vessel through which any news went (them passing on our news and also telling us news of wider family. Since parents have died, then we (as cousins) talk more, rather than less, as we no longer have the previous generation to pass on news.

I have three cousins - one I’ve never met as he lives abroad and to my knowledge hasn’t been back to the UK in decades. Another I last saw 20 years ago, and I think the other I saw a decade ago. I should make more of an effort as my older brother is dead and they will be my only family one day!

The number of relatives on both mine and my DH side has reduced rapidly and unexpectedly in the last few years. We realised that there are those family members who are the 'hubs'. For the last few years I have put in effort to build relationships with the extended family. In my experience, this has been invaluable. Im facing losing both my parents before 40, my children have no grandparents, but we now have some family to reach out to. Without them, I think I would feel homesick.

Not close to any of my cousins, we moved away from my birth city when I was 5 so we didn't grow up anywhere near them.

1 cousin I haven't seen for 20 years
1 cousin it's been about 5 years
2 cousins (brother and sister) last saw about 8 years ago

I'm an only child and close with my cousins as an adult. I'm not the type of person to talk to anyone every day (or even every week) but I like having an extended family to rely on. Especially since my older cousins have had children at a similar time to me (we all parent differently, but it is nice to have a wide sample group to bounce "is this normal?" questions off where you know there won't be any judgment), and my younger cousins are the perfect age to babysit my children .

On a serious note, two of my mum's three sisters were single parents and they all supported each other a lot when we were growing up which meant the cousins all grew up alongside each other. We're all very different, but none of us "don't get along" if that makes sense, though as children we violently fought with each other.

My family are a bit odd though as I actively keep in contact with my Great aunts since my Nan passed away, and as a result I'm still in contact with my Dad's cousins (and their children and grandchildren). DH thinks this is absolutely mental as he hasn't seen some of his cousins in decades, let alone his dad's cousin's grandchild haha.