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Original poster

DS left his phone (bus ticket) at home. What would you do?

98 replies

HowToTeach · 23/01/2024 08:01

Just had a message from his TA to say he left his phone at home, it has his bus ticket on it. I'm not sure what she is expecting me to do:
He can walk home (25 mins)

Take the bus and risk getting fined - as he has a pass and is a child this won't be the full amount if he goes to their offices in town within 5 days and presents his pass. We told him at the beginning of the school year we wouldn't pay fines for forgetting ticket, it would be his responsibility to go to the ticket office and pay the £5.

I could get the bus into town and wait 20 minutes to accompany him back BUT DD (in primary) would be stuck in the garden for at least 20 minutes until I get back as she doesn't have a key with her.

Should I just say thanks or ask the TA if I can speak to him to explain his options? (Has ASD and never forgotten before, so a new scenario for him!)

OP posts:
seasally · 23/01/2024 08:37

Can you send a screenshot to the TA and she could print it out for him?
He could explain if they check the tickets its an emergency one due to him forgetting his phone.

MorningSunshineSparkles · 23/01/2024 08:44

He has ASD, I’d either take his pass to him or go and collect him myself.

Ellie1015 · 23/01/2024 08:45

I wouldn't leave dd to arrive home to nobody in.

As it is the first time i would take it to school during the day. I would make a plan that next time he has to walk if that happens. Of course this may not be possible if you are at work during the day.

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BronwenTheBrave · 23/01/2024 08:49

Mummysatthebodyshop · 23/01/2024 08:20

Providing he won't be in any danger, let him feel the consequences and walk/ bus and fine. These boys otherwise grow into men who think they don't have to think because a woman will save the day. (Extreme jump but relevant)

Also by breaking the law once these creatures develop into hardened criminals.
Peak MumsNet

Lindy2 · 23/01/2024 08:49

If he's OK with walking then I'd suggest that. If school is just 25 minutes walk away though that must only be 5 minutes in the car. Could you not get his phone to him during the day or collect him by car, just for today?

My ASD daughter would not be able to explain to the bus driver that she'd forgotten her pass. She'd be very distressed by having to do that. It's the kind of thing that would crush her confidence in using the bus again so I'm always very wary of changes and extra demands that would stress her. Obviously your son may well cope better.

Voulez23 · 23/01/2024 08:53

You still haven't told us how old he is and what is the level of his extra needs. Does he often forget things? Have you had to speak to him many times before about the importance of double-checking he has everything he needs for the day? Will having to walk home on his own rather than taking the bus with friends through him off and cause a lot of stress?

God knows it's easy enough for any of us to walk out the door thinking you have your phone / office keys / packed lunch in your bag and then get to work and realise that you left them on the kitchen counter.

I tend to veer towards making my kids' lives easier when something like this happens to them, if I reasonably can, just as I would do for anyone who asked me a favour.

MrsMarzetti · 23/01/2024 08:54

Tell him to try and get on the bus if he isn't allowed on tell him to walk. No need for any drama

LydiaTomos · 23/01/2024 08:54

My son is ND and wouldn't be able to explain to the driver either.

Can you ask the TA to write a note to the bus driver explaining that he has a bus pass, forgotten phone etc and that you will meet him off the bus with the pass (if that's possible).

ColonelRhubarbBikini · 23/01/2024 08:57

I think if it were me I’d take the bus up to school during the day and hand the phone in to reception so he’ll have it for the return journey. Then you’ll be back in time for DD.

Yes it’s a pain but we’re all human and we all forget things sometimes. I’m forever reminding my DC to take their keys and then one day a few months ago I left work and realised I was locked out (I wasn’t the last one out the door in the morning). I had to fess up and go retrieve a key from my eldest at Sixth form. Not my finest moment and I was expecting a gentle teasing for it but DC was actually very sweet about it.

Original poster
HowToTeach · 23/01/2024 08:57

He's 14. Normally checks but this morning he didn't get ready on time (messing in his room) so was rushed getting out.

I tend to veer towards making my kids' lives easier when something like this happens to them, if I reasonably can
But making his life easier in this scenario would make DD's harder!

OP posts:
Original poster
HowToTeach · 23/01/2024 08:58

I think if it were me I’d take the bus up to school during the day and hand the phone in to reception so he’ll have it for the return journey. Then you’ll be back in time for DD.
No, I can't leave earlier.

OP posts:
AlisonDonut · 23/01/2024 08:59

Scan the pass on his phone, and email it to the school to print it out for him.

kitchenhelprequired · 23/01/2024 09:00

Unless you had to pay for the bus pass and wanted him to walk instead it seems somewhat harsh to tell a child with ASD that you wouldn't be responsible if he forgot his ticket presumably without him having ever done that. It's frustrating when things like this happen but if he isn't a serial offender I think you need to cut him a bit of slack. If there's a way to get the ticket to him today I would do that and chalk it up to experience.

Mummysatthebodyshop · 23/01/2024 09:01

BronwenTheBrave · 23/01/2024 08:49

Also by breaking the law once these creatures develop into hardened criminals.
Peak MumsNet

Show quote history

He has a bus pass. He can show it within the time frame and pay the fine if caught. That's ridiculously further leap than natural consequences. How bizarre. do you still do your 30 year olds washing?

RowanMayfair · 23/01/2024 09:01

If he knows the way home I would expect him to walk home. 25 minutes isn't a long walk.

idhjyd · 23/01/2024 09:02

Tell him via school that he can either walk home or wait at school for you to bring it to him once you’ve got your DD into the house. It won’t hurt him to walk 25 mins or to wait for you.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 23/01/2024 09:02

OP, you haven't said whether he would cope with the walk, which seems the most obvious option.

A 25 min walk for a 14 yo boy seems like a no brainer to me, unless his autism means that he couldn't manage it. I know plenty of autistic kids who could manage that, but everyone's needs are unique.

If he could walk, let him. If not, then you'll need to help him figure out a plan B.

Musicsoundsbetteronvinyl · 23/01/2024 09:02

If you are worried he won’t cope with the sudden change in routine or the unaccompanied walk home (which would have been the case for my ds, also ASD) could you speak to school and ask if he can wait in the office, then wait for dd and both of you go to fetch him? Alternatively, contact your dd’s school explain and ask if she can wait in the office for 20 minutes until you can get there after collecting your ds.

In one off emergency I asked my younger dc’s best friend’s Mum if they would mind if she went home with them for an hour and they were happy to help.

Best solution would be to find some way of getting ds’ phone to his school during the day, but appreciate that might not be an option if you are working.

I definitely wouldn’t using as a life-lesson/teaching opportunity if it is a rare one off, especially as I know how anxious it would have made my ds anyway. I would come up with a plan for what he needs to do if it ever happens again though, even just walking the route home with him several times to be sure he knows it properly and is confident to do it on his own.

BusyMummyWrites01 · 23/01/2024 09:06

Could the school not advance him the bus fare from Petty cash and you replay it online through the parent portal, or email to confirm you will send him in with the money tomorrow?

TraitorsHood · 23/01/2024 09:07

Is he safe to walk home?

If yes I'd definitely let him.

If you wanted to you could always start walking towards him when DD gets home, if the timing works. End up meeting him on the way.

Mariposistaaa · 23/01/2024 09:08

Is there nobody in the school who can lend him some money for the bus fare? You could always do them a direct transfer or swear you will get it to them tonight/tomorrow. I would never mind lending a stranded child a few quid for the bus.
Alternatively, the walk hoe sounds like a good option. He has not forgotten before, it was a mistake. How often do we as adults forget things sometimes? Not everything has to be a learning moment.

PrudeyTwoShoes · 23/01/2024 09:12

I agree with PPs who have suggested screenshotting the pass and emailing it/texting it to the TA to print. If he has a paper copy he can explain that he forgot his phone and will be happy to show the original to office (or where ever the fines are paid) should they require it.

MajesticWhine · 23/01/2024 09:13

If it was mine (13yo, ASD) I would say (via a reply to TA) walk home or risk a fine if you want. I think she would walk. But every child is different and only you know what would work for your DS.

CurlewKate · 23/01/2024 09:14

Is there anyone who can give you a lift to school to drop it off? How would he feel about walking home?

Original poster
HowToTeach · 23/01/2024 09:14

Is he safe to walk home?
Probably.

Yes, we bought the extortionate bus pass for him as we thought it would be easier than him having to be on top of buying tickets etc.

OP posts: