Can't seem to cope with any kind of job

[cantcopewithlife]

I'm in my late 20s and have tried a range of different jobs. In each one I seem to get incredibly stressed and anxious, terrified of making mistakes, struggling with the social side of things until I reach a breaking point where I'll start crying over nothing and experiencing strong feelings of depression and dread in the mornings that I can't shift until I leave and move onto something new. Then the cycle repeats.

I've reached the depression and dread stage again, and have no idea what to do. This time I had decided to retrain so I'm at university, and the idea of going to my lectures tomorrow is making me cry and I don't even know why. I just feel overwhelmed even though I've been getting good grades. I have no options left, no idea what the hell to do. I just can't seem to cope with being an adult

Hi!
It sounds like you may be depressed and over whelmed. I would strongly recommend getting in touch with the councillor at uni. You have the ability to control how you react to life. I’m not saying it’s easy but you can learn and you can train yourself to cope better in stressful situations. Thoughts also become things so you have to focus on the positive, it sounds like there is a cycle and you need to take control of it, don’t let it control you.
Good luck!

I think far too many of us try to force ourselves to fit into moulds not meant for us.
Yes, we can attempt to learn 101 different coping mechanisms to various degrees of success, or numb it all out on medication, but the root of the problem is you haven't yet found an environment your comfortable in. Would you maybe benefit working from home, or are you creative, could you work for yourself?

Sorry to hear this. Things can feel overwhelming and spiral in your mind. I think CBT could help you put things more in perspective. I'm sure you're absolutely as capable as anyone else but it is very difficult to break that feeling of drowning at work once it starts to spiral out of control, and then of course it blocks you from doing your job well as it takes all your mental energy.

If you can learn some techniques to keep things in perspective and maintain your self-belief in spite of setbacks, I think it would greatly help you.

On a more lighthearted note I encourage you to observe all the mistakes that other people make. Nobody is immune. It might help you feel less afraid.

Like a PP said, give CBT a go.

And maybe consider getting assessed for autism too.

I felt like this for years op. I honestly often felt near suicidal and would call my mum crying saying 'it's happening again' on a semi regular basis.
It was ADHD. Once the initial learning phase of something new wore off the level of effort to keep going felt unmanagable and crushing and I lived in a state of absolute terror all day every day that I was going to be found out to be crap (this wasn't unfounded I had been picked up before, especially as my mental health would start to take am obvious nosedive as my ability to keep it up wore thin).
It does sound like you have a lot of anxiety op so it could be something like this or it could be straight anxiety.
I would suggest your first call is speaking with your doctor as you shouldn't be feeling this way this often.

To some extent I suffered from this feeling until I found the right workplace and environment for me, basically self employed and on my own 247 😂

I started my own business and did it for 18 years, had to stop for health reasons and now trying to find the right job, on my third job in a year. Difference is that I know what I'm looking for and I will find it. Might take time but I am a good worker and once I do I'll probably stay there for another 20 years.

My advice is to consider your ideal working environment, and there's so many jobs out there, you will find something! X

And here it's because it's a perfectly reasonable thing to look into. Nobody is saying the OP is definitely neurodivergent, simply that it's something to look into.

I'm self employed and find it really tricky to be employed in-house because of the absolute cognitive overwhelm and exhaustion that comes from being in that kind of environment with ADHD. I have no particular advice, OP, but lots of sympathy.

There's an enormous number of undiagnosed women as it's always been disproportionately focused on boys and if people are complaining of these specific problems it's worth looking into even if it's just to rule it out.
For my part I was treated for depression, anxiety, told I was likely dyslexic based my working memory (I'm not) and nothing worked. I had mentioned thinking i had adhd to people for 15+ years before I eventually saw a psychiatrist. No-one questions the level of depression diagnosis now but I'm convinced that a large proportion of people with treatment resistant depression are actually being treated for the wrong issue. I don't know why is it considered more reasonable to assume that a huge number of people are just incredibly sad for no reason at all.

Because sometimes it is the solution.

What sorts of jobs have you had? I had jobs that started out ok and then went to shit as I became overwhelmed, found it all really stressful, hate the responsibility, didn't like/know how to negotiate the social side/office politics. In one case, I ended up on capability and felt like I'd never hold down a job. Now I stack shelves. It's not my dream job, it's not perfect, I don't earn as much as I'd like, but I never dread going into work.

Getting burnt out and going through lots of jobs is
really really common for ND people, though. The subject comes up a lot in autistic spaces. I wish someone had suggested that I might be autistic in my 20s, and that’s why work was so hard no matter what job I was in! Would have made my
life a lot easier and I wouldn’t have felt like such a failure for so long.

I would also say that when someone mentions problems that are very typical issues for people that are nd, the few nd people out of however many on the site at any one time are the most likely to spot it and want to comment to try and help... because we have experienced this and know how awful it is.
Same as parents of teens are more likely to click and respond on topics about that.

I worked in a lab which I found really stressful as I was constantly worrying about making mistakes or forgetting to do things. Sometimes I'd turn around on my way home just to check I'd not left the incubators open or set up the equipment incorrectly. I'd never be able to remember the steps of very basic procedures I was doing multiple times a day, and would need to use my checklist constantly which slowed me down a lot.

I then worked in research but struggled with the lack of structure and being on a specific niche area was too boring for me.

Then I worked in a couple of jobs in marketing which were the biggest mistakes of my life. I could never concentrate in the office so would have to basically repeat a 7.5 hour workday in the evening/weekends to catch up and I'd spend my time in the office cosplaying a Good Employee by switching between different tabs and just pretending to work as I couldn't concentrate at all. I'd forget the names of projects and my mind would go blank in meetings, I had no idea what the rules were socially as the lines were very blurred. I'd skip every social event, or go to them only to find I couldn't walk in and I'd ring my Mum in tears saying I couldn't bring myself to walk in. I'd be unmotivated and bored working from home and would constantly be getting up to make a tea or get a snack, and then have to work in the evenings to meet my deadlines. I'd get frustrated when colleagues would message/email me when I had finally managed to concentrate/get in the zone as it would distract me as I hated switching between different tasks

Yeah that sounds exactly like me op. Have a look at the diagnostic criteria online and if you meet enough of them ask your gp if you can be assessed.

Listen to square peg podcast, get assessed for asd and then go freelance! Practise kindness to yourself!

https://apps.apple.com/gb/app/apple-podcasts/id525463029

https://squarepeg.community/podcast/

Well...if it helps, I feel exactly the same as you except I'm approaching 40 and I'm a lecturer!

For me, it really was/is ADHD. I struggled from school. I find admin type jobs very hard as I can't focus and the admin in my current job combined with an open plan office and students often interrupting overwhelms me. I have the fear of making mistakes too. I'm fine when I'm teaching but when I'm around colleagues I often get imposter syndrome and I also burn out easily. I'm burned out now and honestly want to quit. Currently eyeing up other jobs.

I haven't been able to work full time after burning out from school teaching in 2016 and having a nervous breakdown. I did a variety of part time jobs in education before becoming a part-time lecturer 6 years ago which I do 4 days a week and I tutor on the side.

I can't go on like this and have come to accept I need to de-center work to stay mentally healthy. What that looks like in reality, I don't know. But I'm stopping putting as much pressure on myself to be a succesful career woman. I just want to be mentally healthy.

Yup also found out in my 40s that my working memory issues and various other things including anxious feelings, are due to ADHD, not just being rubbish at life as I previously thought.

That feeling of constantly waiting to be found out ,or to discover you have made yet another mistake is soul destroying and really stressful. :(

OP, specifically google [other search engines are available] "autistic burnout".

Another autistic female here saying check it out. I went through a lot of jobs over ten years wondering why on earth I couldn’t fit in or do anything. In each job it would get to the point where I would burn out and leave.

If you are autistic, once you understand how to manage it and your employer knows it can really help. I’m self-employed now as it suits me a lot better.

It definitely all resonates. Not sure if it's ADHD or autism or both or neither, but I do feel like there is something going with me more than just anxiety.

I seem to go through cycles where I reach this kind of crisis point where I start off as unmotivated/bored -> workload ramps up with deadlines -> neglect everything and hyperfocus to meet deadlines -> meet the deadlines and do well so I come across as high performing -> go into a depressive slump where I feel apathetic and dread, even brushing my teeth is hard, feel tearful and overwhelmed like everything is too much, and feel really intense anger towards myself for being 'weak'

Rinse and repeat

Right now I'm in the dread stage, I haven't left the house for a week and a half, I stay in my PJs most of the day and then shower and get into fresh PJs. Every evening I promise myself I'll do better tomorrow :(

I contacted my GP and they've signed me off sick for a couple of weeks, but now i'm panicking that I'll get kicked off my course (it's a healthcare course so attendance is really important as is being 'fit to practice')

Obviously no-one here can diagnose you, but that sounds exactly like the ADHD burnout cycle.

Can you talk to your course provider about deferring? I know a lot will refer for educational psychologist assessments but not sure about other types of assessments as for adhd / asd. May be worth speaking to their pastoral team to find out?