When you say "if anything happened to me"

[clarkkentsglasses]

I've said it ... if anything happened to me .. would you have my DD

People say, yes of course ... but ... would you??!?

Do you mean, would I have taken in my nieces / nephews if their parents had been tragically killed ?
Yes, of course I would have.

No one has ever said that to me. But we definitely wouldn't have had room for any extra kids until recently (lived in an overcrowded flat). We live in a bigger house now, but still not enough room or time for anyone extra really. I'd assume that grandparents would step in to help as they are in a better position to help.

Do people regularly ask and answer that question?!

Surely, it something you just ask a very close family member/friend and they only say yes if they mean it.

No and I wouldn't lie about it either. In fact I turned down a Godmother role for that reason.

I was asked once (no relation) and said no, gently; they should ask family.

They have a normal, happy, relationship with their family, it would have been extremely odd for me to have their DC tbh, not really sure why they asked.

I would if asked. I don’t think it’s terribly likely that I would be asked though.

Yes. My brother asked me when they were doing their wills and I agreed (we have the reverse arrangement with them). In the very unlikely event that it was needed, we'd take in my nieces in a heartbeat

There are 2 friends whose children I would take in a heartbeat if needed. They’d do the same for mine - though luckily we have other family who would step up first.

I’d also take any of my nieces or nephews if needed and I’m confident it would be reciprocated.

I do know three different people who have done this.

When we made our wills we asked BIL and his wife. We told them they needed to discuss it seriously and decide if they thought they could and that we wouldn't accept an answer for a week. They said yes.

We had life insurance in place that there would be enough money to allow them to move to a bigger house etc Bil was also trustee on life insurance but wasn't the only one.

Dsis asked us and we said yes but we would have been taking them in that situation asked or not. I didn't ask her because she has ill health.

My sister asked me. She has 6 kids. Her reasoning was that I had a big house. I pointed out I also had a big mortgage and I had to work for that - and work wasn’t compatible with parenting 6 extra bereaved children. What I told her was that I would do my best to keep them together, but I had to be honest that they might be split between family members. Exactly how, depending on age at the time, and individual needs and “best fit”. I did promise I’d keep them together initially and would make sure to meet up lots. At that point, my sister laughed and said, “you always over think things - it’s not like it would actually happen” 🤦‍♀️ She was right - 2 are adults now.

I would do it, yes. I wouldn't want to, but I definitely would.

I would be honest and say no, as it just wouldn’t be possible for me but close people would already know the answer so wouldn’t ask.

Yes, we've got an agreement with my DH's brother - he'll take our kids and we'll take his. The kids are similar ages so I think we'd be fine. Of course the chances of it happening are very slim - it would mean that both parents have died . But you never know, so it's good to talk about it and make an agreement with someone you trust.

DH and I have been asked by a friend and said yes, and they're doing the same for us too. Our families can't for various reasons.

My friend has taken on her two nephews (she already has two DC of her own) when both their parents died a few years apart.

OP are these people named as guardians in your will? It's important that you have it documented.

My aunt asked me when I was a free spirited 20 singleton travelling the world and was most affronted when I said no.

It would be a no. We don't have the space and wouldn't upsize to accommodate.

No, I wouldn't but no one would ask me anyway I don't think (I am an only child, no nieces or nephews and my friends have their own families)

Although both parents dying while their children are young does happen, it is very rare in our society at least.

These concerns really stem from years ago when death rates were higher, with people dying from infectious diseases, industrial accidents, childbirth, war etc. The chances of this are much reduced now, thank goodness and science.

So make your arrangements by all means, but the chance of actually neededing to take in your brother's children are pretty remote.

Yes. We're named in someone's will and would absolutely have the DC. They've put practical things in place too; there's life insurance money we'd have access to to help with higher costs (we'd need a bigger house for one thing).

I have a reciprocal arrangement with my sister. She'll take on my DC if something happens to me and DH and vice versa.

I wouldn't want to take on a non family member though, too complicated.

I have asked this question of friends but done it very seriously and not expecting an answer straight away. I made it clear that there would be no impact on our friendship if they said no. Once they said yes I made them executors of my estate and explained finances etc.

It's not something that can be said or arranged casually imo

I've asked that question and been told no haha - appreciated the honesty. But my dsis and BiL said a very genuine and heartfelt yes so all good.

Being a Godmother has nothing to do with taking on the children if they are orphaned.

We have named DH's sister as guardian in our wills and DB and his wife have named us. All after speaking to each other and agreeing it.