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Original poster

When you say "if anything happened to me"

52 replies

clarkkentsglasses · 21/01/2024 23:10

I've said it ... if anything happened to me .. would you have my DD

People say, yes of course ... but ... would you??!?

OP posts:
PermanentTemporary · 22/01/2024 07:16

I've asked this twice. When ds was little we asked dh's brother. After dh died, ds was a teenager. I thought if I died it would be really important for ds to stay at the same school with his friends rather than move to another part of the country, so asked the parents of his best friend. They are very generous and caring people and I thought they would say yes, which they did. I then made a will.

I've never asked or answered it casually. Sadly nobody has ever asked me, which I think says something about me tbh.

Ifyoureacuntyoureacunt · 22/01/2024 07:19

DappledThings · 22/01/2024 07:14

Being a Godmother has nothing to do with taking on the children if they are orphaned.

We have named DH's sister as guardian in our wills and DB and his wife have named us. All after speaking to each other and agreeing it.

Show quote history

It was in this case, it was made very clear what the expectations would be. I ran like the wind. It was a distant relation.

Porageeater · 22/01/2024 07:21

As pp have said you should have it written up properly in a will. Otherwise if anything did happen it’s a mess for whoever is trying to sort things out and they will have to pay a load of money to lawyers.

GintyMcGinty · 22/01/2024 07:29

Nieces and nephews yes.
Anyone else no.

Blomh · 22/01/2024 07:29

DH’s sister wants us to take her child if she dies. I’m disabled and I struggle to cope with my own child. In the early days I had a nervous breakdown trying to cope and that’s why I didn’t have any more kids. I don’t feel I can cope with additional kids.

Anyway when I voiced these feelings all hell kicked off. Apparently I’m selfish and horrible. In the end my mum said just shut up and don’t mention it because she’s unlikely to die, and if she does then you can leave DH if he insists on taking his nephews. I feel uneasy about it but I don’t see what else I can do.

C1N1C · 22/01/2024 07:30

Hard no.

viridiano · 22/01/2024 07:32

Do people really say yes to this without meaning it?

I was asked, said yes, but spent a long time considering all of the implications before doing so.

SchoolQuestionnaire · 22/01/2024 07:41

I’ve been asked and I am prepared to do so. My friend is a single mum with no siblings and little family. Her own mum would obviously take the child in the first instance, but she’s not young so as a minimum would need a bit of support with days out or a bit of respite on occasion and I’d be happy to help with that. And if the worst was to happen I wouldn’t hesitate to take the little one in.

Justfinking · 22/01/2024 07:41

Surely it depends on who you're saying yes to, and I doubt people just say yes if they don't mean it as I'd assume that would be written into people's wills?

Twilightstarbright · 22/01/2024 08:09

@Blomh very similar situation here- I’m disabled, DS has additional needs and my DN is non verbal autistic. I cannot cope with another child let alone one as high needs as DN it just wouldn’t be fair to anyone.

Other SIL asked us when her first child was born but since then they’ve had 4 children, live in BILs home country and don’t speak English. It’s hard to see how it would be in the kids best interest to move to England when they have lots of family locally. If it were my child I wouldn’t want them moving to a different country unless there was truly no other option.

My lovely child free best friend said she would have DS if I needed her to, but I’d only expect that to happen if all the grandparents were too frail to have him.

NeverTrustAPoliceman · 22/01/2024 08:17

We had an agreement with close friends. Our DC were all friends too. All written officially and lodged with solicitors, financial arrangements made.

This was better than family as nobody was close by on either side and our parenting views were identical.

They are all adults now, and still good friends. We look back fondly to when one teenager going through a tricky patch with her parents said "Can I go and live with Never even if you aren't dead?"

Jennyjojo5 · 22/01/2024 08:18

Yes I’d take my nieces in a heartbeat. They already lost their mum when they were little. My DB has written it all up legally in a Will. More complex as they live in Dubai so he spent a lot of money with lawyers to get it all laid out properly and financially

Toddlerteaplease · 22/01/2024 08:18

Ifyoureacuntyoureacunt · 21/01/2024 23:21

No and I wouldn't lie about it either. In fact I turned down a Godmother role for that reason.

That isn't the role of a godmother.

Ifyoureacuntyoureacunt · 22/01/2024 08:19

Toddlerteaplease · 22/01/2024 08:18

That isn't the role of a godmother.

Show quote history

It was as far as this parent was concerned

IggOrEgg · 22/01/2024 08:23

Yes. I’ve been asked a couple of times and agreed. I felt very touched to be asked and would do anything for them. My brother’s four and my best friend’s three… I meant it, but I rather hope tragedy doesn’t simultaneously befall both of them as going from a one toddler household to an eight child, from <1 to 10 years old, household would be bonkers!
Obviously I hope nothing happens to them at all, full stop!!

Jellybean85 · 22/01/2024 08:36

Well I was asked Dsis if she and husband could put in their will that we have their kids. We thought carefully, agreed and said yes. We meant it.

I have asked DBro and his wife and asked them to take the request seriously before agreeing. They said yes and I would expect them to do it unless there was a big change

owlsinthedaylight · 22/01/2024 08:44

I wouldn’t believe anyone who said yes without any follow up questions. It’s an arrangement that needs to be properly arranged and documented, with insurance and wills in place to pay out not just to the kids but to the person whom you are asking to look after them, so they can pay to bring up the kids, probably give up work to help with the bereavement. Everything documented in a will including guardianship. Family made aware in advance.

If someone is asking without being prepared to put all that in place … well they are really just asking for a nice sentiment and not properly considering their kids.

More importantly, if someone is accepting without asking those questions then they are just “being nice” and possibly wouldn’t go through with it.

imnotthatkindofmum · 22/01/2024 09:40

I am naked as guardian for my sisters kids in her Will. I absolutely would look after them. It would be bloody tough though as 2 of hers AND 2 of mine have ASD and I would be delivering them to 4 different schools. Her MIL would move here for them though and shes a young MIL so I'd get lots of help!

imnotthatkindofmum · 22/01/2024 09:40

*named. Not naked. That totally changed the vibe of my reply !! Confused

MonsteraMama · 22/01/2024 09:46

For all my siblings, yes. And I mean it. I'll just have to hope all six of my siblings and their spouses don't vanish on a cruise to Bermuda or something because my house would very quickly go from a peaceful single child household to something out of a reality TV show. But I'd still do it because I love every one of those kids.

Comedycook · 22/01/2024 09:49

I'd only do this for my sister...and she'd do it for me. Anyone else, no.

I have a lovely friend who always says to people, I'll have them. In reality I know she loves her freedom and would actually hate it. Just something people think they should say

throughgrittedteeth · 22/01/2024 11:23

I had a friend who asked me this and wanted to have it written into her will Shock
Her and her DP have plenty of family that they see regularly so no idea why I was asked. I said no.

If anyone from my family asked though, I would.

Psychoticbreak · 22/01/2024 11:49

My ex partners teens I would take in in a heartbeat. My nephew I would sell.

peachgreen · 22/01/2024 11:50

The only children I would take on would be my cousin's two (she's more like a sister). I would never say yes to anyone else.

persisted · 22/01/2024 12:29

Yes, for my nephews. Written up in will and I know life insurance has been arranged to help us with it.

I volunteered, I am in the best position in the immediate family to do it and would in heartbeat.