I can’t cope with having people to stay

[nameychangerrrrrr]

We live in a popular tourist spot and in last few years we’ve had a lot of visitors. I’m finding I just want to say no now, because I finish the visit often feeling pissed off. It’s not everyone, some people are respectful and stay a night or two and they’re gone and it’s a great time. But we just had a group of friends staying and one of them was a nightmare. I’d gone to so much trouble over it and she just moaned and stamped her foot for the whole time.

In general I just find it so draining having anyone to stay who isn’t family (with family I find it easier). There’s always someone who doesn’t pull their weight or doesn’t contribute their fair share, or who borrows stuff etc etc. CFs basically.

Am I alone in this?

Nope, I can't bear people staying and luckily have no room for anyone.

I think I need to start making up excuses

Me neither, I absolutely hate entertaining guests and like pp don't have any room, so that's all good now!

She sounds rude. What did she strop about?

In all honesty I don’t know why she got the arse but it changed the atmosphere palpably - it was like dealing with a toddler. I’m too old for it I just CBA with it.

You’re definitely not alone.

Over the last couple of years I’ve struggled with this more and more. Christmas this year I decided that’s it - no more. We do have a spare room but I’m planning to switch all the bedrooms around later this year and
convert the smallest room into an office so there won’t be room for others to stay. My home is my sanctuary.

Of course YANBU. Who are the people coming to stay? Do you enjoy any of their visits and company? Just be more selective or say no to all.

I love having visitors. However anyone who comes and is a nuisance, or doesn't pitch in, doesn't get invited back. I commend this approach

I'd hate that too, but don't make up excuses as then the CF will just keep asking and you'll have to keep making them up.

If someone asks to stay and you don't want them to it's fine to 'I'm sorry; having regular guests just doesn't work for us anymore, but I can recommend X or Y place to stay nearby'.

Entertaining and hosting is exhausting. I do anything to get out of it...

I would never have anyone to stay over. I like my own space too much. Just say no.

What was she doing?

I would say, ‘sorry-since we had Sally to stay, I’ve decided no more visitors-she was a total mardy arse and I swore never again.’ To everyone!

Surely people don’t say, ‘oh let’s spend some time together-we’ll come to you?’ just suggest a mid point/travel lodge/glamping pod or something.’ Nobody can invite themselves to stay in your home if you don’t want them to

One of the reasons we bought our house is that it’s slightly too small for people to stay over although we live in a tourist place too.

it’s not the evening, it’s the morning and having to get up and do chit chat. Make them coffee. CBA !!!

@nameychangerrrrrr

I know exactly what you mean,

I 🤔 think you either need to be more selective and be bit more assertive of the kind of behaviour code you expect from visitors like a hotelier or Landlady for example expect visitors to " pitch "in help out a bit to make things run smoothly or easier type of thing,
such as i stayed over at my friend's house once and she asked me if i could bring over my camping 🏕 sleeping bag,
so it would save her from having to do lot of extra laundry to wash and dry ect,

that's if you still obviously like entertaining more conducive likeable guests ect?

so do you invite them or do they just fancy a holiday at yours? it sounds stressful.

I think .you need to start saying no what would happen if you said no

Yeah I think we need to have a like an in-house policy about it - I do think it needs to stop now. We’ve done our time. We never and go stay with anyone except family as we hate putting people out and it’s awkward etc

@Shinyandnew1 don’t want to out myself but just selfish madam behaviour and stuff like jumping in shower before everything unpacked from day out, while others left to do it, not bringing anything to contribute etc . I love your wording I’m going to say just that to my other friends

Just feels often like everyone else in the world
loves entertaining

I only have my children and their partners and that’s stressful enough at times . My sister used to stay with her family on a regular basis before we moved to the other end of the country. I found it a real strain as she is very messy and her kids have no manners . I won’t have people to stay again outside immediate family .

I flat out refuse. I live in a really nice part of London (my divorce is about to change all that, which might be a good thing!). Friends of friends ask to stay. Friends of friends and their dogs ask to stay (seriously, they do want to bring the dog because their logic is, I have a dog, therefore I must be Ace Ventura! Anyone remember the landlord scene?). The thing that grates is that all of my friends who did The Covid Flight From London and decided to move to the back end of Cornwall (or anywhere that public transportation forgot about) ALL want to holiday in London… at mine. These are friends I’d previously had an hour’s coffee with when they lived in London. Now they want to stay for days and days.

I’m rude. I just ignore texts. If I can’t ignore texts, I tell people really nicely that “I can’t ‘people’ right now. Sorry. I’m a little broken.” I’ve been through an absolutely shitty two years so, my mental health comes first, henceforth. That’s a promise I’ve made to myself. And it’s a good reason to say no. Get a hotel!

Nope. I haven't hosted guests for years and it's fantastically liberating. I would not have anyone staying in my house again, bar our adult children. Just point them in the direction of accommodation, start talking about not wanting to spread the bugs you're picking up and how you really need your space to rest.

@nameychangerrrrrr

Is it a case 🤔 of just limiting amount of times you entertain visitors throughout the year
Maybe ?

Would that also make it easier beneficial for you too
by just not entaining quite as often and being just bit more selective,
who you have come around to vist for example 😉 if you even sense that they could a bit of diva qualities air about them or are just a bit Needy ect?

If they want to come an see your picturesque place you live at?
you will quickly sign post them to alternative places to stay overnight at on Booking .com ect

and they act 🎬 let loose their inner diva or rock star behaviour elsewhere to the hearts content..

We're completely the same @nameychangerrrrrr .

One night max now (very rarely) for us and we never stay at anyone else's house. My brother and his wife live in a 4 bed bungalow, with 3 guest rooms, and I always stay at a premier inn when I got to visit them. I think we all prefer it that way.

I wouldn't bother with excuses other than you've changed the use of the guest room and it is now a hobby room or something (don't need to actually do this) and give a list of local hotels if people want to come and see you.

It is absolutely fine that you don't enjoy this and completely fine as a result to stop doing it!

@cerisepanther73 its so hard because some people are nice but in all
honesty I’m done. It always costs us a fortune as well and I think signposting to accommodation is def the best way. Just glad to know not just me?!

I certainly wouldn't have a blanket no visitors policy but you absolutely can and should be choosy about who does get to stay. If someone were wanting to come and visit and see me if I lived in shitsville AND they were decent and considerate houseguests whose company I enjoyed then I would be actively happy to have people come to stay. Otherwise, or any whiff that I was being used for the location, it's be a flat out no. Immediate family is different obviously, a bit of reciprocal and respectful 'using' for location is fine- like I stay with my sister if up in London for work - but is not something I would do with friends really.

No, I don’t do well with people staying over so I don’t do it. People can take that whatever way they like but I do whats best for me.