Offered a new job when current job is adequate and fits with life

[nightsurfing]

I work in a reasonably large public sector organisation. Offices are an hour away but my job went almost 100% remote during the pandemic, which really reduces travel and childcare costs to almost nothing. I've been with the organisation for 10 years and comfortable. They are reasonably friendly and supportive as an employer. My life circumstances are slightly complex, but the employer and direct management are entirely understanding of this. I have a lot of autonomy to work the way I need to, shaping hours to suit providing I get the job done (which I do). On the downside they have financial challenges, I have stagnated a bit and there are few prospects for moving on or up. I have not received any training or development in years from them, though have taken courses using my own funds and developed my knowledge in different ways.

A while ago I applied for a role that looked interesting, interviewed and have been offered it. It is an organisation very similar to the one I currently work for but benchmarked higher in terms of reputation and better positioned financially. The job would be a horizontal move, with exactly the same pay. Not exactly the same duties but similar enough. This organisation is much closer, a short and easy commute. The main differences are they want staff in the office several days per week, therefore childcare costs would go up a bit. I would be on site with people, and would expect less autonomy / independence with a new employer at least to start with. I would have to work more set hours without the flex I currently have. There would be a probation period. They probably offer more development opportunities. Second organisation seems friendly and professional, with good line management so little difference there.

I'm really torn, as to whether to stick with the comfortable job and life I have or move. There is no 'bad' decision but I don't want to regret a decision either way. I have talked it over with a friend who also works remotely and she has cautioned me about giving up things I value now and might not get again. In my position, she would probably just coast along and be comfy with what I have now. We have another friend who made a move and regrets it but can't go back. I'm equally seeing the risk of staying in one place too long.

I'd appreciate any MN thoughts/wisdom here. How would you make the decision?

I think we underestimate how much better all employers are becoming at supporting work/life balance and offering flexibility.

I stayed somewhere over 20 years because I was also raising children and needed flexibility. Moved to a new place last year and they are every bit as flexible (more probably) and ask less of me, because I have not been there long enough to be the go-to person for scooping them out of crises. I thought I was coasting but in hindsight I was actually just incredibly experienced. I feel like this may also apply to @nightsurfing ?

I’d stay put where I was comfortable - continue looking for something with better opportunities where you don’t second guess yourself when offered the role.

I think @NigelHarmansNewWife has it right: short term pain for long term gain.
I also think that once you start going back into the office, you will see the advantages of doing so: socialising with colleagues etc.

There must be a reason you went to all the trouble of applying and interviewing for the new role. Are you bored where you are? Does the move / opportunity excite you?
it sounds like you’ve put your responsibilities and practicality first for a long time but you deserve to be fulfilled too. If you want to move for purely that reason then go for it.

I would probably stay put but try and use this offer to your advantage eg to negotiate a pay rise at either place or more training at your current one.

I agree with this.

You applied for the job for a reason. Take the new opportunity.

Apart from being a single parent household, you haven’t described any additional complexity that your new employer might not be able to understand so I’m not sure what the other factors might be. But if any of them relate to protected characteristics then your new employer has a duty to work with you to not disadvantage you there.

I would stay where you are.

For the other company I would invent some reason - other than you've changed your mind - why you can't take up their offer (ie you need an op on your foot and can't drive for 6mths!)

Then, if current company goes tits up, you can reapply to new company without any shadows against your application

Thank you

1. I'm having trouble deciding how ambitious I am. I didn't expect to be offered the position. My friend suggested I'll feel less ambitious as the years go by (I'm early 40s now), so better to move now than later (she is older, but also acknowledges she got into a more senior position before deciding to stay put)
2. It is interesting than when we are hiring in the current organisation, often those who gain the position are contractors who had reasonably wide/ broad experience from having moved around.
3. The complexities are identifying, but without being explicit yes relate to protected characteristics. From past experience I don't rely on the duty being there to protect me in practice. But equally both these organisations probably will be accommodating. Being in a room full of people isn't necessarily on the plus/pro list for me. Working remotely as much as I do isn't always completely healthy, my world can seem very small. But, from an adjustments perspective the fact that everyone else is working remotely enables me to be on much more of level playing field.

the go-to person for scooping them out of crises this is me, but I might be thinking of myself as indispensable when they would get along just fine without me. Noone at the second organisation would know me and as you say, wouldn't come to me to fulfil that role.

Thank you. I'm a terrible liar but a good point to consider 😂

Take a deep breath and spend a few moments visualising that you have written and sent an email declining the new position. You’ve hit send. Get yourself to feel that you have really fine this. The email us sent. You’ve declined.
Take another deep breath and tune in to how you feel in that moment.
How do you feel in the moment. Calm? Happy? Sad? Relief? Something else?

Then change the scene. This time you email acceptance and ask for the start date. Get yourself to feel that you have really accepted, How do you feel now?

This is a really good way to tune into your gut instinct. There’s so many unknown variables to weigh up, it’s really good to tune to our intuition.

Apologies for typos.

Get yourself to feel that you have really done this. The email is sent

Sounds to me that the new job doesn’t offer you enough of what you are looking for to warrant leaving behind the benefits you already have. Does it? If not, could another job?

Just to flag that there are hidden costs to working at home - from the minor (tea/coffee) to potentially significant (heating). Important to include them in your calculation.

You'd be on less pay due to childcare costs / travel
No guarantee of not being made redundant in new organisation
If you're made redundant from current role, you'd get a pay out which would cushion you whilst you find something else - and you've proved you can do that

Stay put

The new job doesn’t sound that great. A move should offer a more significant step up. Maybe wait until your DC has started secondary as they often need you more then.
Re sickness, my DC had a 100% attendance record at primary but got a reoccurring vomiting bug at secondary, which was awful. He was off part of each week for the first month until it was diagnosed and sorted.

You say your complexities are eased by working from home. But your new job is not wfh…

i think I’d stay put

They don't offset the travel though, for many people.

If I travelled to work 5 days a week it would cost me c. £60 a week on train fares alone. My work also doesn't supply tea so I either bring my own teabags (what I normally do) or buy the odd cup.

So heating during working hours is the only real difference, and it is cheaper than the train fares.

If you are a lone parent then don't move.
I've stuck with the same (nice) PT job for 13yrs as it gives me flexibility, and equally I can be flexible when they need it.

I'm in a similar position - been at my current firm over a decade and am exclusively WFH apart from unavoidable client meetings or training. I have climbed as far as I can in this job and reached expert level compared to colleagues. I can set my own timetable to an extent and nobody questions it. The set up is perfect for my current home circumstances and the pay is good.

But...I am so over it and desperately crave change. I feel like the Ken Barlow of this place. The only thing keeping me here is the fact that I would be making a sideways step financially and starting from scratch at a new place with a new two year probation period (officially six months but you don't really have any rights for the first two years). I turned down a new job last year and half regret it. It's a really difficult decision.

I would go with the new job. That's because I value office time and seeing people, (but you may not). Also I think you must be a bit bored / dissatisfied to have applied. It may be a bit of a hassle for a short time, with the childcare, but I think the change sounds beneficial and there is the potential for development.

I’m inclined to agree as I’ve have made many work moves and regretted some, although not all.

It sounds that apart from the lack of development/training your current job is ok for you at the moment & very flexible.

Could you use the opportunity of the job offer to talk to your current boss about your future and what your ideals would be - (pay rise, paid training etc.) how they respond to this might help you to make your decision?

What back up childcare have you got? If I had grandparents round the corner who could help out if needed then I would take the job. My dc had 100% attendance at primary. Sadly not at secondary and it has made life difficult

Also think about how things would work when your kids are at secondary. Do you want them coming home to an empty house whilst you are in the office?

I did something similar and have no regrets. I swapped a mostly-remote job to one with more office days, and the same pay. It made childcare/school run more of a juggle. However, I just adapted to it and am much happier with the new job. It's basically a better version of my old job in a better organisation, where I can do things well and be stimulated and stretched. While that might sound more stressful for someone with kids, it's actually less stressful than coasting in a badly-run organisation knowing that your skills are stagnating. Job security comes from futureproofing yourself and getting varied experience, not from staying at one place for as long as possible. (Depending on the job, I guess, but it sounds like you, like me, have a reasonably professional job). Also, my pay has gone up since, so I don't think I've lost out - but the long term view is more important to me anyway.