Hour old newborn abandoned

[SerendipityJane]

Hour old newborn abandoned in this weather. I have no words, only tears.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-68025769

It's not unusual to shed a tear about something so sad in the news, there have been a couple of things lately I have read and they have completely choked me up. It's not hyperbole, I would say it would be more unusual to not be affected by something so awful. Empathy is a good trait IMO.

sre you really crying or was it a bit of hyperbole?

I've cried when I've seen/read sad or upsetting news stories before, is it that unusual?

In this case I hope the mother is safe and receives support and any medical attention thry need

Absolutely not. I actually cry more at other people's situations than my own, I don't think that is unusual When things happen to me I seem to be able to cope and rarely cry.

i have cried before over stories

particularly since having children

I’ve also cried over stories like this since having children. I was separated from my baby at birth as I was critically ill, it was only a few hours but it broke me. Just thinking of the poor mum without her baby takes me back to that moment.

Everybody keen to excuse the mother, making comments along the lines of, "It could be an abused child, trafficked wonan" etc. Well, equally it could just be a woman who doesn't want the baby, it doesn't fit her narrative, is an inconvenience. I'd say that's more likely. The thing is, we don't know and never will as the mother won't come forward and explain. So saying she was callous and cruel is equally as valid as saying she was a poor chikd. Either way it's unforgivable to leave a newborn baby in a park of all places on a freezing cold night, unclothed and just dumped in a carrier bag like a piece of rubbish. Whoever abandoned that baby didn't care if it lived. If they had there's countless other safer places they could have left it and anybody would know that a naked newborn lying helplessly in a carrier bag wouldn't have long to live if it hadn't been found.

They called her Elsa? As in Frozen?
That's dark.

💯

Hope they can both move on and have happy lives

This thread had revealed just how much ignorance there is around attachment issues. I really am shocked that mothers, of all people, could be so ignorant of such a basic issue.
People genuinely believe that because the baby won't remember anything and is safe and warm, they're all set up for a happy healthy life.

Being rejected by your mother in infancy is perhaps the most traumatic thing that you could go through. The first few months of life are absolutely crucial for your life outcomes and ability to form good relationships and regulate your emotions.

Stop minimising this baby's trauma.

I'm glad this is being acknowledged. I lack the ability to explain things well but I relate to this so much. I was abandoned (albeit safely with grandparents) as a toddler and the effects on me have been truly traumatic.

so you feel the same about all babies put up for adoption from birth? @SmilingMoon and @treath that they have been “rejected” and will likely struggle to form relationships?

@regenerate

I don't feel for every baby or speak for every adult who has been through it in the same way no one else can.

What I would do is respect the people who say they have suffered trauma from it enough not to challenge them on others.

who has challenged someone adopted or given up at birth?

@regenerate

Is that not what you were doing in tagging me and saying 'so you feel'?

If not I apologise

huh? not at all

i asked whether you though all felt the same ie it was an inevitable consequence

you answered from your experience, thank you

Well, equally it could just be a woman who doesn't want the baby, it doesn't fit her narrative, is an inconvenience. I'd say that's more likely.

yes. because it is so convenient to give birth without any medical care and abandon your baby in a park. Literally a walk in the park, isn't it. And the chance of being found and charged with a crime - a doddle really. On the other hand an abortion would be so inconvenient. Or an adoption. I'm surprised more women don't chose this highly convenient option of concealing a pregnancy and abandoning a newborn.

Some very very sheltered and unimaginative posters here. Also maybe posters who enjoy thinking of women as evil bitches out to kill their babies for the pleasure of it- an hour after giving birth.

@Regenerate It's not the same as a child being adopted from birth. How traumatic to find out that you were left in a park at an hour old, dumped in a carrier bag on a freezing cold night, left to die. That will be awful for that little baby to learn that when she's older. It's abs not the same as being adopted from birth, cared for until you become part of a loving family.

The baby IS an inconvenience though. A big one to the 'mother' who clearly did want it to live. What word would you substitute inconvenience with? Not always assuming it's an abused child/helpless woman doesn't make people sheltered or unimaginative. It can just as easily be a woman who has concealed a pregnancy then dumped the baby because she doesn't want it. The victim here is the baby.

It's a very high chance that the mother is also a victim in this scenario. It's incredibly unlikely that this was just a woman, with a normal life, who decided to hide her pregnancy, give birth alone and then leave the baby.

It doesn't matter how I "feel" - it's a known fact that even babies adopted as newborns can have adoption-related trauma and attachment issues. Does that mean it's better for them to stay with their birth parents? No, of course not. But that still does not mean you should minimise the struggles they may endure and say "oh they won't even remember, and they're physically safe, they'll be fine".
A baby that has been left to die in the cold by her mother is going to have a whole other layer of issues to deal with.

Also, of course the mother may herself be a victim. Just as anyone who has committed an act of violence or neglect may be in desperate circumstances and have their own reasons for committing such a heinous. That doesn't change the fact that what they have done is evil. That's why, in a justice system, it should be possible to both punish the crime (to get justice for the victim and deter others) and provide support.

If you're going to argue that the mother shouldn't be held accountable at all, and receive support only, not justice and support, you're going to have to extend this to every desperate mother who abuses, abandons or neglects her children at any age. Whether that's leaving a 3 year old in a skip or abandoning a 5 year old up a deserted hill. Otherwise, you're suggesting that somehow being newborn means you matter less, which is ageism of the most callous kind.

No, I think it's possible to recognise that the immediate post partum moments can produce altered behaviour. I can also say that the CPS will most often find that a prosecution is not in the interests of the state.

I think its traumatic for both mum and baby.
To get up and go out within an hour of giving birth when you're likely faint, sleep deprived, weak and bleeding heavily I think is indicative of someone in a very distressed and desperate state.
But that doesn't take away from the trauma and psychological impact of being a foundling, growing up to know or discover later, that you were abandoned.
It's possible to feel sympathy for both parties.

Actually, yes.

Adoption is trauma. It may be the best outcome in a situation that is less than ideal, but is a traumatic event for the baby. It might have a good "ending" for the child if they form a successful healthy attachment with the adoptive parents.

However, good adoptive parents do not cancel out the first loss, the first grief for that baby that is losing their birth mother. It is always a traumatic event.

Not every adopted person will be traumatised, but a high percentage of will. It can hit later in life, perhaps after having children of their own, or after adoptive parents die, or after finally meeting birth family. Adoptees as a group have unusually high rates of addiction, often trying to self medicate. Trauma can lie buried for a long time.

Many, many adoptees are speaking out now about the trauma of adoption. It is the only form of grief (losing the birth parents) where the person is expected by society to be "grateful" (for the new adoptive parents, taking them on) and have their grief totally invalidated in the process.