Tried to reduce my drinking but it's not working :(

[chatenoire]

I might or might not have a drinking problem. The truth is that I genuinely like the taste and the general "relaxing" effect, but I don't tend to binge.

I'm more of a little and often type. My DH on the other hand doesn't really know when to stop, and decided to try a "mildly dry" January and only drink on a set day. So far a couple of pints and a shared bottle of wine, and that's all for the whole week.

I do however end up feeling like I need a drink in the evening every now and then, but because of what we're trying to achieve, I'm not giving in.

My brain regularly goes into overdrive, and I've spoken to quite a few psychiatrists that have told me that the couple of units a night (literally and not always) was probably more beneficial than being medicated.

I'm under investigation for being on the spectrum BTW.

It just feels like I'm on a diet and I'm definitely not enjoying it, and it's starting to make me feel extra frustrated.

Any advice?

I feel the same, have great intentions to cut down, but I still fancy a drink particularly while I'm cooking/winding down in the evening.

No advice really, if you want to support your DH keep it up and (I'm told) it gets easier, it is really an addiction so the longer you keep going the less the addiction keeps you craving.

Self medication! When you find something that chills your brain out, it's difficult to not take advantage. It's finding something else that can do it that's not unhealthy. I'm double spicy, brain rise. I've just had to delete a couple of phone games that were taking over my life that did the same. I'm knitting now, as I can't just sit and watch TV, those hands have to be busy.

It's so, so hard. My DH is saying that maybe the way to do it is to keep an eye on my "little and often", and just keep it below 14 units.

I find it a lot easier just to decide not to drink than to be in a sort of constant will I or won't I about it.

Why do you think you might have a drinking problem? There's a lot of uncertainty in your post- might have a problem, might drink, might not- so I'm not surprised you feel frustrated. You're basically taking the hardest bit of stopping drinking- actually deciding- and making it last the whole month.

In your shoes I'd just decide to do it, no half measures, and not drink the rest of the month and then review. Or don't. But it sounds like what you're doing is actually making you want to drink more than you ordinarily do.

Perhaps develop your thinking. At the moment, you want to reduce alcohol.

But how about reflecting a bit deeper. What type of person do you want to be? What are your core beliefs and morals? Is your life aligning to those? What do you want from life?

Focus on what helps you accomplish the above. It's likely alcohol doesn't feature.

I'm kind of happy with life overall. I'm fairly fit, I'd like to climb the corporate ladder, and become more social.

Overall when I look where I want to be when I retire, is being able to do whatever I want, ideally with a cocktail in hand.

From a scale of 40 I'm at 8 which is the lowest number of "increasing risk".

As mentioned I'm fairly active, so I always like to think that my overall fitness levels undo some of the damage.

At the same time, I'm more of the philosophy of you only live once, and I might as well enjoy it.

Can you not switch to non alcoholic they taste pretty identical nowadays.

At the same time, I'm more of the philosophy of you only live once, and I might as well enjoy it.

And what things make you enjoy life?

Being fit doesn't stop damage by alcohol, although not saying you have done any damage.

Did psychiatrists tell you that directly? Or is it second hand anecdata? It’s worth reflecting that psychiatrists follow the medical model (drugs for illnesses) and are typically not well versed in other areas of science like metabolic medicine, and certainly not trained in the role of diet (ask any doctor how many hours were spent on diet in their many years of training).

Alcohol is a depressant that’s linked to many illnesses of older age. It has a dreadful impact on menopause symptoms. At the moment you’re looking for answers that confirm the bias of you want to do (drink daily). If you can think of another important goal - have a healthier older age, avoid illness in general, sleep well…then you can get satisfaction from the knowledge every time you choose not to drink that you are working towards that goal.

Try and savour the drinks you have as a weekly treat and make them special, rather than just making it a habit that keeps your body in permanent mild toxicity.

Also my dad had the ‘you only live once’ attitude to alcohol and got cancer before retirement age, which he died from. You might only live once but you might want to think about length and quality of life long term, when thinking about your drinking today.

Being active doesn't counteract the damage from alcohol. Saying you only live once and therefore you should drink as you want is honestly stupid and foresighted. Alcohol is so damaging to the body and brain.

My dad only drank a couple of drinks each evening. He realised he had a problem when skipping a couple of evenings, made him angry and frustrated. We were all surprised at him. I think if you cannot give up all alcohol Monday to Thursday, then there is something wrong. You're using it as a crutch to unwind. Try just having a few drinks Friday-Sunday.

I was going to suggest this too. The drinking can be more about the “habit” than the alcohol. Get a fancy glass and make yourself a non alcoholic cocktail complete with ice and fruit etc. you may still enjoy the experience without the damaging effects of the alcohol.

Agree with other posters, if not drinking Mon-Thursday is enough to bother you then you do have a drinking problem. It’s not healthy to crave/need alcohol that badly, and it’s not healthy to drink every single day no matter the quantity.

You also can’t “out train” the negative impact alcohol has on your body.

There are two problems here addiction to alcohol and the habit of that evening drink.

Buy non-alcoholic versions, Bulmers and Kopperberg cider tastes the same with or without alcohol.
Break the addiction first by carrying on drinking at the same time but alcohol free version.
Then as the weather gets nicer fill that time slot with a walk outside instead and get natural endorphins moving. It takes at least a month to break old habits and build new ones so give yourself time

I guess as I already have chronic conditions that have nothing to do with my alcoholic intake, but have to be checked regularly or my quality of life goes downhill, that I'm like I might as well have a drink whenever I feel like it.

I have tried them and didn't really like them. The only one that I've more or less liked is Corona 0%.
I sometimes drink real diet coke with ice and that works in a similar way.

In the summer I heavily dilute wine and that works too.

So your logic is that because you already have some health issues, you might as well drink alcohol daily which could give you mouth/throat/breast cancer, liver damage, as well as a stroke or heart disease?

Feels a bit like saying that because I’ve got a headache I may as well chop one of my toes off because I’m in pain anyway.

I don't drink every day, but I don't like how having to control myself makes me feel.

It feels like I'm on a diet and hate it.

I had a drink problem for a while and had to stop drinking entirely for a year to knock myself out of the habit. If you need a drink to feel relaxed or happy it's not a good place to be in IMO as it can easily escalate. You should focus on what about your life is stressful or makes you unhappy and deal with that. I still drink every now and then but not at home and I never think at the end of the day I need a drink to relax. I just sit down and watch TV and feel relaxed. I used to feel like I needed alcohol to feel the same way. Now I can see that was not normal. In the end you need to deal with your issues in life and stop using alcohol as a quick and easy crutch to feel temporarily better.

but I don't like how having to control myself makes me feel

This isn't you controlling yourself - this is alcohol controlling you. It's in your thoughts, and therefore your actions, and life. If it wasn't an issue, it wouldn't make you feel like this.

Then that is a drinking problem.

Going without a drink shouldn’t make you feel any kind of way, if you have a healthy relationship with alcohol then it shouldn’t be such a big part of your life that reducing it feels like a diet.

The way I've been able to eat everything is that I tend to have very small portions. So if I feel like having ice cream, I might just have a couple of spoonfuls.

Right now, for example I've been fancying digestives, so I eat 1 biscuit and split it throughout the day.

That's how I live my life, so things like a bag of crisps or a normal chocolate bar can last me weeks.

I don't know if that's quite true.

I don't think I'm addicted to croissants, but I have them a few times a week from the local bakery.

If I went without, I would feel like I was depriving myself and I'd miss it.

It doesn't mean I have a croissant problem. It's just a nice part of my day/ week that I look forward to.