Tried to reduce my drinking but it's not working :(

[chatenoire]

I might or might not have a drinking problem. The truth is that I genuinely like the taste and the general "relaxing" effect, but I don't tend to binge.

I'm more of a little and often type. My DH on the other hand doesn't really know when to stop, and decided to try a "mildly dry" January and only drink on a set day. So far a couple of pints and a shared bottle of wine, and that's all for the whole week.

I do however end up feeling like I need a drink in the evening every now and then, but because of what we're trying to achieve, I'm not giving in.

My brain regularly goes into overdrive, and I've spoken to quite a few psychiatrists that have told me that the couple of units a night (literally and not always) was probably more beneficial than being medicated.

I'm under investigation for being on the spectrum BTW.

It just feels like I'm on a diet and I'm definitely not enjoying it, and it's starting to make me feel extra frustrated.

Any advice?

OP, I guess you just have to remember your 'Why', and really believe in it.

Why are you reducing it in the first place?

Do you actually want to? Really?

If you do want to cut back, then try writing down some of your reasons, and keep them in mind to help you push through when you're struggling.

If you don't want to cut back, then stop torturing yourself and have a drink.

I used to be a little bit like you. I could genuinely stop after one small drink without any craving for more, but I felt the itch for that drink almost every evening. Eventually I wasn't comfortable with that and I did Dry January four years ago to try and reset my relationship with alcohol. I actually enjoyed it (in a manner of speaking!) and Dry Jan unintentionally turned into 3 dry months. I now enjoy drinking in moderation and easily keep it to two days a week. I'm really glad I did it, as it forced me to reflect and proved to me that that 'one drink to unwind' isn't actually doing as much for you as you think it is (or anything at all). I would really recommend a dry month for these reasons, that reset benefits me to this day.

I've just given up drinking since the new year. I used to drink wine very regularly, but wanted to lose some weight this year, and easiest option would be cutting down drinks, since I love eating.
I still get an urge to drink, but so far haven't give in yet. But it's been only 2 weeks +.

Not in a million years have multiple psychiatrist told you to consume any amount of alcohol daily. I think you are lying about your drinking and searching for encouragement and support in continuing as you are.

You just cannot compare a croissant with alcohol though.

You having a croissant a few times a week, as part of a healthy and balanced diet, is not going to significantly increase your risk of any health issues. So yeah, a croissant a few times a week can simply just be “a nice part of your week”.

I guess because it's good for me, but three weeks in I don't necessarily feel better.

But maybe I don't believe enough in it. Maybe just not having more than two drinks ever (apart from say parties, NYE) is good enough.

Well it's kind of similar. Both are treats if they aren't problematic. Having a few alcoholic drinks a week as part of a balanced lifestyle is also not going to increase risk of any health issues. It can be 'a nice part of your week'.

I would feel the same if I cut out alcohol, too. I'd feel like I was depriving myself and I'd miss it. I don't have a drink problem at all, but cutting out my few drinks a week I'd miss them.

You can miss it without that meaning it's problematic.

Missing alcohol when you stop drinking doesn't mean you have an alcohol problem in and of itself.

They did ask me about my units and what effect it had overall, they did say that was fine (believe it or not).

They asked if I can stop once I start (which I can), and if I ever go beyond X amount of drinks.

They also asked if I drink every day, which I don't. I just like having the option, but in the end I don't drink every day.

It does sound to me like your heart's not really in it. 3 weeks isn't very long though I suppose, to really know if it's making a difference.

It's your call at the end of the day.

Why did you start in the first place? Do you still believe in that reason, or not?

If you're pushing yourself to do something you don't really want to do/ don't think is beneficial, you're going to struggle. You need internal motivation in order to do something like this, otherwise you're just contradicting yourself.

I'm a very occasional drinker - rarely more than a glass and rarely more than once a fortnight. I'd miss a glass of wine if I wasn't able to drink it on the relatively rare occasions that I feel like it.

Again- no.

Even the NHS guidance states very clearly that there is actually NO completely safe level of drinking. Alcohol is a drug, ethanol and other alcohols are chemicals that have an affect on your brain and body in a similar way to medications. That is what makes it so vastly different to your croissant.

Even 1 alcoholic drink has an impact on your mind & body, hence the relaxed feeling etc that lots of people crave.

There’s also a difference between missing something, and being physically frustrated, “hating” being without something, and sitting in the evenings feeling like you NEED a drink.

I’m currently pregnant so obviously am not drinking at the moment, but when not pregnant have in the past done dry january and similar, I might think “oh I could just have a glass of wine”, but I’m certainly not frustrated, hating it, or ever feel like I NEED a drink. That’s where the line is.

What about not drinking at all? As someone who does have a drinking problem, I didn't find it was beneficial to me to try to limit how much or how often I drank. Because, like you, I found I spent a lot of time 'not drinking' thinking about when and under what conditions I could next have a drink. Or planning to not drink, but thinking, oh, what does it matter if I drink on the Thursday when I said it would only be Friday and Saturday? And then drinking way too much on the Thursday (and the Sunday too).

I gave up drinking 9 months ago and honestly, it's not big deal now. If you'd asked me then if I could have ever stopped drinking, I would have laughed, because I couldn't even go a week without a drink! But when you don't drink, honestly it is no longer an issue. I don't miss it. I don't think about it ever really. I don't crave it. I'm not bothered.

Alcohol, by its design though, is not meant to be something you have one drink of and then stop. Or have once a year at a wedding and not again for another 12 months. That's not how it works. I know there are those unicorns who claim they do that. But most of us, even if we manage to restrict ourselves to one drink with dinner, want another. Or if we say we won't drink on Sunday after drinking on Saturday, still want a few drinks with Sunday lunch.

And if you are someone with mental health issue or long term physical health issues, you would be absolutely amazed the difference you would feel by giving up alcohol. Not initially. It takes time. But I have had depression and been on ADs in the past. I also have a long term condition, similar to inflammatory bowel disease. Stopping drinking has made a massive difference to my mental health. My bowel symptoms, baring work stress which causes a flare up, are the best they've been since I was diagnosed. And I lost a stone in about 3 months when I first quit, just from not drinking so many extra calories. I had some blood results done a few months ago, and I'm literally in the best health I've probably ever been in. My inflammatory markers are normal for the first time ever in about 30 years. It's made a massive difference.

And frankly, it's bloody nice to be free of the 'will I? won't I?' internal debate. But nothing happens overnight. 3 weeks of reducing drinking isn't going to make some massive difference. 3 weeks of not drinking at all probably isn't going to make a massive difference either, though it might show you that you can do it. I recommend to anyone who is questioning if alcohol is impacting their health to give it 100 days.

It was more of a "why not?" type of situation, thinking it could only benefit me. I never in a million years would have thought it would feel very similar to being on a restrictive diet.

Well, that's a whole other debate which we could go over for a long time if we wanted to go down that route. The NHS state that there is no completely safe level of drinking in pregnancy. Outside of pregnancy, they recommend up to 14 units a week is safe. There are debates more generally about the benefits of e.g. the occasional glass of red wine, and of course there are other benefits to drinking for some people, e.g. social, which shouldn't be dismissed just because they aren't directly related to physical health.

There are equally debates around processed food, and croissants are certainly not the best thing to be eating, if you did want to go down that road we could debate the relative harm/ benefits of eating too many flaky pastries on a regular basis.

I do agree with you that if you feel like you NEED something then it might be verging on a problem.

But the point I was arguing was you saying you think there is a problem if you cut something our of your diet and miss it.

It doesn't automatically mean you have a drinking problem if you cut out alcohol and miss it. Lots of people like alcohol for lots of reasons, and cutting out things we like is hard. I absolutely don't have a drinking problem (I drink maybe once a week, if that), but I'd miss it if I had to stop.

You need to go and check your facts, because again, incorrect.

Here, from the nhs website: “There's no completely safe level of drinking, but sticking within these guidelines lowers your risk of harming your health. “

The NHS absolutely are not saying that up to 14 units a week is safe, that is completely and entirely incorrect. What they are saying is that IF you are going to drink, then sticking within the guidelines LOWERS the risk of harming health. The risk is still there. No amount is “safe”.

They, they, they...

OK great. Then get a thimble or a teaspoon and your bottle of wine (or whatever) can last you for a month. That would work well for you

Alcohol, by its design though, is not meant to be something you have one drink of and then stop. Or have once a year at a wedding and not again for another 12 months. That's not how it works. I know there are those unicorns who claim they do that. But most of us, even if we manage to restrict ourselves to one drink with dinner, want another. Or if we say we won't drink on Sunday after drinking on Saturday, still want a few drinks with Sunday lunch.

Huh? I guess you're speaking from your experience as someone who's had problems with alcohol, but I'm pretty much like the "unicorns" you describe, as are a lot of people I know including my DP, most of my friends, and most of my family. Okay, it's not once every 12 months for me. It's more like 4 or 5 times a year, and I have one or maybe two drinks (and can't face drinking the next day). I know we're not the majority, but I don't think people who drink like me are really so ridiculously rare — supposedly, for UK adults, about 7 out of 10 drink weekly or more often, and of the rest, about half are teetotal, and half do drink but less frequently than weekly. So we're not the biggest group, but not nonexistent.

"How it works" for you isn't the same is how it works for everybody, and alcohol wasn't designed or meant for anything in particular — it's just a natural chemical that happens to affect our brains. Some specific alcoholic products, or some settings, are maybe designed to encourage multiple drinks, but when I buy cider I don't have trouble buying a 500ml bottle from the supermarket, which is pretty much designed as one drink. It might be officially designated as two drinks, as it's 3–4 units, but TBH I don't really care (and often share a bottle with DP anyway).

I have a real problem with food and my weight, but I don't go round saying that food itself is designed to be overeaten and that moderation is just not how it works, and talk about those "unicorns" who claim to have a healthy diet, to make myself feel better about my problem. I recognise that there are people out there who have my problem and don't manage it well, people who have my problem and do manage it well, and people for whom it's not even a problem at all. I might talk about ways the industry and our society encourage overconsumption and make it difficult to moderate intake, but I'd say the same about alcohol.

I have made bottles of wine last 2 weeks that, so it's a method that definitely does work for me, so maybe I should try it, as opposed to not drinking and just scheduling a session over the weekend.

At the same time, I'm more of the philosophy of you only live once, and I might as well enjoy it.

Oh, I felt the same once. My saying was, “do I want to be thin, or do I want to enjoy the pizza?” Or, “life’s too short not to have the bottle of wine.” It was just an excuse to eat and drink shit in the name of, well, I will die one day anyway, I may as well have fun.

And then I did almost die. At 40, with children including an 8 month old baby. Suddenly, it wasn’t all shits and giggles anymore. Drinking and eating shit didn’t directly cause it, but my God, what a wake up call. Ten stone down now, changed my entire life, haven’t drank a drop since or eaten any of the things I used to and Feel like a new person.

My husband was an alcoholic. He drank everyday. His wake up call was when I was in hospital and he faced the reality of being a single dad. he didn’t want to kill himself with booze and leave our children orphans. He went cold Turkey from that day on and hasn’t touched a drop since and never will.

My point is yes, we all die. but when you are actually faced with it, you shit yourself and wish you had done everything you could to help yourself live longer.

Oddly enough I was hit by a car once (with suspected broken ribs and internal bleeding while I was waiting for an ambulance that took 2 hours but that's a different story). I did think I was going to die.

So I thought I don't know if I'll get killed tomorrow, so I might as well make the most of it while I live.

BUT it is a balancing act, and I haven't figured out the right balance at all whatsoever.

OK - but basically, 14 units a week is fine.

The point that I was actually arguing is what you said about thinking that there is a problem if you cut something our of your diet and miss it. That's just not true.

You aren't an alcoholic if you miss drinking when you cut it out of your diet.

If you make a change in your diet and cut out something you like, then you are going to miss it - that's normal.

@Mrsttcno1 There are also many perfectly valid arguments that no amount of ultra-processed food is 'safe'. But whether or not alcohol/ processed food/ whatever is 'completely safe' is not really what this thread is about.

Incidentally I just came across the concept of minimum effective dose, and the way they described it was to make very small changes as often as possible, they're almost unnoticeable, but in the long run they have a big impact. I might try that angle first.