I can't stop losing my mind at the smallest thing

[HotCrossBummed]

The tiniest thing. I will explode in anger or tears. It's affecting every area of my life. And I'm not sure how to fix it. I just can't be calm, im constantly on the edge. A few years ago I was quite zen. Any tips on how to handle this and stop myself going from 0-100 in the space of 3 seconds 😢 is anybody else like this?

How old are you if you don't mind me asking? Peri causes this kind of rage

yep - look up peri-menopause. Frequently a symptom.

About to be 43. Went to doc asking exactly this and was told I'm too young and bloods fine so it's not that. They basically said it's just a busy life

I feel like I can never relax, my anxiety is sky high. Any task I do seems to get interrupted by kids or other family making demands I have to fulfil. The calmest I am is when I'm at work 😂

Do you have a busy life?

You could just be overwhelmed.

I'd clear your diary for the next month and slow right down, see if it helps.

43 is definitely not too young. I'd be finding a doctor who deals with menopause because yours sounds useless

I had to keep going back to go until at about your age they finally prescribed qlaira as a hrt. Massive improvement. Read the menopause board here and look at the symptoms in th NICE guidelines on menopause. See if anything else clicks.

it might not be that but you aren’t too young.

Any task I do seems to get interrupted by kids or other family making demands I have to fulfil.

It’s easy to blame your hormones but are you sure it’s not everyone around you expecting too much from you? Do the kids have a father? Can other family do more to help themselves?

Hello OP, I can feel similarly to you. It’s not always, but it seems to be a slowly increasing rising feeling of overwhelm, that concludes in a few days of explosive outbursts!

I’m a SAHM to 4 children and honestly, every SINGLE thing I do involves being with a child and I find the lack of headspace, constant interruptions and general lack of autonomy very stressful.

Ive found that, when I start to feel bogged down, I act in ways I don’t want to.

I’ve recently started counselling, involving CBT, so I hope it will help me.

I’m sorry that I can’t give solutions but I wanted you to know you aren’t alone.

Do you drink much? I know the feeling you describe and doing dry January has eased some of the anxiety for me!

Are you on any contraception that might be affecting you?

Exercise is also a great stress relief, even if it’s only because it gets you out of the house

I used to be a bit like that, I’d cry if I broke a glass.

It was perimenopause, I was also about 43, maybe slightly younger. For the millionth time, blood tests cannot diagnose peri/menopause as the whole point is your hormones are up and down.

I also found Stoicism which helped put things in perspective.

Thanks so much all. To answer:

I do have a busy life and I think I am overwhelmed but I can seem to cope with it anymore. It's like I've reached a tipping point.

Agree that the GP was useless. Didn't take me seriously at all re peri menopause.

The kids father is very good and actually ends up doing more than me because he's trying to help me cope with the anger doldrums. So I can't complain at all there, and I should probably be more grateful  But I'm too cross and weepy to be grateful.

I do drink, 2-3 bottles a week. I do find it relaxes me so I love it in the evening but I agree it can make my mood worse the next day so I need to reduce that.

Any stoicism resources you'd recommend @TheOGCCL - will give it a try!

And thanks @Thesonofaphesantplucker . Same
To you

Definitely peri I would say- sudden and unexplained increase in anxiety for no apparent reason, feeling completely out of control with your emotions etc I went on progesterone only and it really really helped.

Along with getting advice for that, download some relaxation apps - you can get quite a few for free and spend time every single day doing them. A one off won't work- it needs to be a daily habit to help. Also really recommend Paul McKenna's new book on anxiety, get the audio version as he has a very soothing voice and lots of practical exercises to reduce worry. Until you calm your mind you won't be able to identify what's really behind all this and sometimes in quiet self reflection issues are revealed to us that is what is really behind those triggers. Anger is usually triggered by fear so get to grips with what's behind the anger and it will decrease.

BTW- alcohol has a horrific effect on increasing anxiety in peri so definitely cut that out and after a couple of weeks you will notice a difference

I and a LOT of my friends have found that as we've got older, we can't tolerate wine anymore. It makes me so sad and anxious the next day, it's just not worth it. I'm 42 and rarely drink, maybe a cider occasionally.

43 is absolutely peri-menopause age, it starts around 10 years before your menopause (which is when your periods stop). Google Louise Newson, she's great.

a LOT of my friends have found that as we've got older, we can't tolerate wine anymore. It makes me so sad and anxious the next day, it's just not worth it. I'm 42 and rarely drink, maybe a cider occasionally

Yup- I noticed this too- it makes me feel mentally awful for several days afterwards and I never used to get that in my 20s/30s.

Thanks will look into these too and try my best to knock the booze on the head. GP tried to tell me to go on the pill ffs. I've given up there

Definitely cut back on the drinking - that won't be helpful at all.

If you can, get yourself outside or similar, where you can have an hour to yourself to have a break everyday. Whether it's a walk or a swim... it'll help loads :)

What do you actually do to unwind and relax OP?

What do you do for yourself?

This is unpopular but my own opinion and experience. I'm 43. Convinced I had peri menopause since when DS2 was born when I was 35. My husband and I split last year and suddenly all of my peri-menopause symptoms vanished.

I am no longer carrying the load of working full time with two primary aged autistic children with an undiagnosed autistic husband. I am no longer walking around on egg shells in a home where I don't feel comfortable. I am now able to take up space and have my own opinions, needs wants and desires. I get a day to myself every weekend to just do whatever the fuck I want without worrying about anyone else. It's great.

I think a lot of women in their 40s nowadays are stuck doing it all for everyone else and never actually doing anything for ourselves. Yet when we break under the unreasonable pressure, we blame ourselves and say its our hormones. Never that we're actually just doing too much.

I do have a busy life and I think I am overwhelmed but I can seem to cope with it anymore. It's like I've reached a tipping point.

This is precisely how burnout happens - gradual, gradual, gradual and then woosh over the edge.

Read up on burnout and burnout recovery.

Cut back on drinking and overall commitments. Get more exercise. Reassess in a month!

Look at the symptom checker for perimenopause- you may find you have other symptoms too. For example I became really clumsy and developed gum disease- both perimenopause symptoms.

Yes you have a busy life but losing the ability to cope with it is the key. I tried all sorts of natural remedies before I finally went on HRT. 5HTP works quite well.

Please don't give up on getting HRT. If peri is a major factor then it needs addressing properly.

See another GP and wave the NICE guidelines at them.

www.nice.org.uk/guidance/ng23/ifp/chapter/About-this-information

Recently my GP ignored me about something and referred me to an irrelevant resource. The woman who called me suggested I call 111. I asked what the point would be as I’d already spoken to GP. She said- for a second opinion.

that really surprised me but makes good sense.

I didn’t. I just gave up. But it might be helpful for you

That description of burnout is exactly how I feel. I think it's this and peri meno. I am banging my head against a wall at the GP. Ive really pushed. I will ask to see a female GP I think. I am shouting into the void at home and at the GP. I'm telling them this is what it is but just not being heard.

Not sure how to fix the burnout bit. I need a break but no chance of it at mo.

Thanks for the replies - I feel so much better because of them. I actually feel listened to and it's calmed me down :-)