Son passed his driving test - anxious

[Iwannabeacrocodilehunter]

I’m so happy for my son. He passed his driving test today and is so excited. I’m also extremely anxious.

He’s very confident driving. Drove me around this evening and whilst he doesn’t speed per se, he does drive quite fast. Well, faster than I do (although I am the sort who never exceeds 55mph on a motorway, and has been called ‘driving Miss Daisy’ in the past).

As I said, he’s very confident, on and off the dual carriageway, country lanes etc and I just feel so worried. He’s taking the car out tomorrow on his own. Has promised me he won’t drive fast.

Anyone any advice for me??

It does. But it also talks about keeping up with the flow of traffic and "failing to make progress" by going too slow given the traffic and weather conditions.

55 mph is far slower than expected on a motorway in clear conditions. Large trucks are usually capped at 60mph I think. OP nervously pootling along at never more than 55 - so probably at around 50 - in the inside lane means all the truckers having to overtake her and slow up everyone else on the road.

It's dangerous and a sign of poor driving. Scary thing is that the OP seems to think it's proof of what a great, sensible driver she is. 🙄

If 55mph was more dangerous than speeding then all the twat husbands on here would have wives saying 'for gods sake Steve, speed up! We've got kids in the car!' while a police siren bore down on them.

Also the OP says that her son doesn't speed. He just drives faster than she does. Along with everyone else who's not behind the wheel of a 40 tonne truck.

Driving too slow is dangerous.

I was worried when they started going out on their own but that was my issue that I had to get over not theirs. It get easier over time but you know that promises not to drive too fast etc are for your benefit right ?

I totally understand its annoying. We once entered a motorway and a driver was literally doing 30mph which meant DP had to take evasive action. 55mph, just go round. Annoyance and possible inconvenience if you get stuck behind an hgv isn't dangerous, if it was then there would be slow driving awareness courses mandated by law.

Because everyone else is expecting to be travelling at a certain speed. Coming round a bend at 50 on a road with a 60mph limit and no turnings and coming up against a person pootling along at 30 has caused me to nearly go into the back of someone on a couple of occasions.
Driving considerably under the expected speed limit causes all sorts of issues for other drivers.

I’m fairly sure a driver doing 30 on the motorway would be pulled over by the police if caught.

And rightly. 55mph, I can't see it.

Well that sounds like your driving is also dangerous, if you can't see what hazard could be round the bend you need to slow down. Country lanes are often not safe to do national speed limit and there are often cyclists on them.

I once had a hair raising journey as a passenger on a windy, hilly country road. We whizzed (at 60) up hill, down dale and round blind corners. When we arrived at our destination my friend the driver said 'blimey! Can't believe that road is a 60, it was really bendy!'.

Like, you are obliged to stay at 60? I was young and knew no better.

Did I say it was a country lane? And I was already under the speed limit.
I’ve been driving nearly 30 years and have never (yet) been involved in an accident. I’m a careful driver and stick to speed limits.
The fact remains that an ordinary car driving significantly under speed limits is a hazard and shows poor driving skills.

Slightly alarmed at the people who drive so fast on the motorway they couldn’t cope with coming up behind someone driving at 55mph. Our horse lorry tops out at 60mph so we are often chugging along around 55.

The idea that someone doing 55mph on a motorway is just as or more dangerous than a newly qualified teen driver is MN batshittery at its finest 🙄

Our horse lorry tops out at 60mph so we are often chugging along around 55.

Yes but when you see a horse box, or a caravan or something way up ahead on the motorway you know they are going to be a bit slower. When you see Maureen in her Kia Picanto up ahead, you assume she's going to be doing 65-ish, not 50-ish. And it's therefore harder to predict that Kev in his Tesco lorry is going to have to pull out to overtake Pootling Maureen. Not such an issue on a 3 lane motorway, total nightmare on a dual carriageway when you're now stuck behind Kev doing 55 for three miles as he tries to overtake Maureen doing 54. We all get that you drive to the conditions. But the number of excuses that the scared, nervous, unconfident and just a bit rubbish drivers make to try to justify their incompetence... Never ending.

Sure, but one poster referred to ‘coming round a corner’ - you should never be going round a corner at such a speed you can’t cope with what might be about to come in sight!

If the OP drives at 55 mph on the motorway there are two other lanes for people to overtake in.
It would be a very bad driver that ran into her.

Black Box insurance would help, as it monitors their driving.

Also, for an initial period, put some controls on when and where they are allowed to drive. I didn't let my DCs drive alone at night or do long journeys until they had a few months of solo driving under their belts. This is easier to enforce if they are sharing your car, of course!

I also didn't allow them to have passengers (i.e. mates) for a while, as I think a lot of inattention and showing off can occur in the early days after passing your test. Sounds cruel, but I didn't want it on my conscience that they'd caused harm to someone else's child when I wasn't yet confident of their abilities behind the wheel. Just to and from work/school/mates for an initial period until they have proved themselves.

I'm a non driver, my son passed his test this year and has his own car.

I think it's quite natural to be anxious about this, but it's important not to let them see it. And you have to deal with him starting to do adult things - on his own.

He's passed his test so he is at minimum a competent driver but he will only get better by doing it.

My son did the Pass Plus extra lessons which included motorway lessons. He also has a black box.
As a passenger I feel very safe with him. He has made a few mistakes but I can see how much he has improved over the last 6 months.
Over Christmas he did 2 long motorway drives, one in bad weather. He handled it very well.
To be honest I think I worried more when he started cycling to school.

Not all motorways. The M8 between Edinburgh and Glasgow is mostly 2 lane, the M74 south from Glasgow is also 2 lane for a good 20 odd miles.

Has he got a black box? That’s the obvious answer (will usually make insurance cheaper too).

It’s very scary when they’ve passed and go out on their own for the first time. DD is a good driver and passed her test first time 8 months ago. So far she has had a car park scrape (her vs wall so no other cars damaged luckily) but otherwise hasn’t had an accident. However she has been in a friend’s car when friend lost control on a wet road and ended up in a ditch. Driver and passengers all fine and no other car involved but a very nasty shock for all of them and a useful lesson!

A black box and a pus plus seem a good idea for your son.
If you are genuinely driving at 55 on a motorway then I would also get yourself an advanced driving lesson for motorway driving as well.

Does depend where and when travelling, OP may only travel on motorway in the rush hour or live next to M25 near Heathrow, but some motorways past cities/big towns can literally crawl along in the rush hour. I tend to avoid the M4 east of J12 since 'smart' motorway happened, other than during rush hour when I know we'll be lucky to get average 45-55mph simply due to lack of safety at any faster speed.

This - the speed LIMIT on the motorway is 70 mph not 80+ which seems to be the main perception.
If I am (rarely) on a fast road - dual carriageway or motorway - I find 60 comfortable as my car is 20 years old and fully loaded it has not much oomph for a small engine. This does not make me per se a dangerous driver - it is driving within my and the car's capability.

I would also caution those drivers (as they are a danger) who drive everywhere at 60 because there is no speed limite posted - It does not mean it is safe to drive at that speed - just that not every road (including country lanes) has been assessed for a speed limit. Use your common sense - drive according to the road, the weather, your own capability.

Thank you for those giving me some reassurance regarding my son passing his test and driving.

I took advice and asked him if he’d mind downloading Life360 just for a short while and he was happy to do this, so I’ve been able to track his driving now and again today and it’s given me peace of mind.

MN posters will be happy to hear that it is only on a rare occasion that I have to use the motorway and when I do, it’s the M4 in South Wales.
Much of the motorway already has a speed limit of 50mph or even 40mph. On the short sections between where the speed limit does rise a bit, I tend to stick to 55mph as it fees much safer than racing up and then having to drop to 50mph again suddenly. I’ve not once had a lorry try to overtake me, and I stick to the outside lane unless I’m overtaking.

I didn’t mean to drip feed regarding this. I genuinely didn’t think I had to explain my own driving habits, as this thread wasn’t about that.

To answer a few more questions:
yes, we informed the insurance company that DS passed his test.
He has temporary insurance with Veygo on my car (3 weeks at £309!) so no black box or anything required. When he buys his own car (soon) he will sort out his insurance properly and will likely take the black box offer.

It took a little while for some kind posters to arrive and answer what I was asking, but I was deeply grateful for the messages once we got there.

Anyway, let the pile-on commence.

You're likely anxious because he's confident and you seem to be overly cautious. He'll likely be required to fit a black box which will keep him at the right speed or affect his insurance.