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Original poster

What's your opinion on the best age gap between children

56 replies

EspressoMartiniBish · 17/01/2024 21:48

Don't particularly want a child now but my daughter is already 2 and don't really want a big age gap! Having a dilemma

OP posts:
KylieKangaroo · 17/01/2024 22:20

I would have liked 3 years but ended up with 5! I think whatever gap you have you make it work. If you don't want a big gap then start trying now.

TheFormidableMrsC · 17/01/2024 22:22

13 years between my two. Different dynamic entirely but their relationship is wonderful.

Scutterbug · 17/01/2024 22:24

15m between my first two and I loved that age gap! There was then 2 years between 2 and 3 and the same between 3 and 4. But 15m was fab.

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PuttingDownRoots · 17/01/2024 22:25

Whatever age group you end up with.

Its not just the age gap... its their personalities.

NuffSaidSam · 17/01/2024 22:27

There are pros and cons to all age gaps, but I think my preference would be about three years.

Sonolanona · 17/01/2024 22:37

Mine were 13 months apart...and then I had my third 12m later (unplanned!!)
It was fab... tiring but they all enjoyed the same things, toddler groups etc and potty training was easy as they just copied the eldest!

I then had a 3 year gap before my final baby and that was lovely too. I have a 15 year gap between me and my brother, and that was lovely in a totally different way!

Blossompink · 17/01/2024 22:40

I have 4 children the gaps are 18 months, 20 months, 3 years 2 months. Girl, boy, boy, girl.

The closer the age gap the more likely they will play with each other. Also if they have the same interests that helps. I would say their personalities play a huge part. The most important thing we have found is to really nurture their friendships with each other and be considerate to each other. They are so close as adults and constantly helping each other.

TM1979 · 17/01/2024 22:43

It’s not something we can control very well but I think 2.5 years is a good gap. Didn’t work out for mine though. 3 years between the 1st 2. Then 4 years between the next 2 and 4.5 between the next. More than I wanted but sure it’s grand. I do envy people with lots of little ones. My neighbour has 4 under 5 and it looks fun. Not sure she’d always agree with me! 😊

Original poster
EspressoMartiniBish · 17/01/2024 22:57

If we started trying now we would probably have a gap of 3 years or a bit more..
What's people's experience of a 3 year gap?
If it's not now then I'd imagine never or maybe a 5 year gap

OP posts:
tty · 18/01/2024 09:12

We have a 3.5 gap. A 1 year old and 4 year old currently. This first year has been tough people said the oldest starting school when the baby was six months would be a good thing but he has had a horrendous start to school so don't let that sway you!

mindutopia · 18/01/2024 10:13

We had 5 years and I think it was great. It meant only ever needing to pay for nursery for one at a time, plus with funded hours, we had a good few years in between of not paying the highest amount. Gave dh and I several post-dc1 years to focus on work, increase our earning potential, get a bit more financially settled before dc2. I got to fully enjoy the baby/toddler years with each of them because I wasn't juggling two young ones at the same time (eldest was in school when youngest was born). And while they still fight, there is little competition for toys or friends as they are quite different ages.

I would say the only thing is that they don't necessarily both enjoy doing the same things or at least not at the same skill level. So dh and I do need to do a bit of days out individually with each of them, but that's actually not a bad thing. 10 year old can cycle like 10 miles on her bike, so dh will take her biking, but 5 year old can't yet, so we go to the library or playground, etc. It means though that we get quality time with both of them and aren't saddled with always doing 'family days out' which can be a bit blah anyway.

justanothermummma · 18/01/2024 10:19

Mine are two years apart which is what we wanted initially and they play really well, have similar interests (great for days out etc. HOWEVER, when I had to go back to work after maternity with DC2, the nursery fees for two kids were crippling.. in hindsight a three year gap would have stopped any crossover (30 free hours and what not)

They are 3 and 5 now and both in a school setting so no more nursery fees, woo!
A few of my friends had second babies when their first was going into Reception, so one was at school while on mat leave so they weren't juggling a toddler and a newborn. If we were to have a third then I know now it would be easier with them both at school.. until the summer hols at least! X

Tarantella6 · 18/01/2024 10:26

Depends how much you like babies. Once dd1 was out of nappies and not sleeping during the day I would not have wanted to go back the beginning. I preferred the chaos of a smaller gap. But plenty of people prefer just having one tiny one at a time.

Sprinkles211 · 19/01/2024 00:19

8 years between first and 2nd and 7 years between 2nd and 3rd all girls I absolutely love it. Eldest 16, middle 8 and youngest 10 months they all absolutely adore each other.

Cheshiresun · 19/01/2024 00:28

2 - 3 years I think is ideal, in my experience anyway!

Tuelanak · 19/01/2024 00:30

2/3 years personally
There's a 9 year gap between me and my older brother and I always felt very lonely

Fernsfernsferns · 19/01/2024 00:54

4-5 years is ideal.

the older one is in a different phase when baby no 2 arrives so things are easier from the get go

still close enough in age to play together.

mine have a lovely relationship with little rivalry and lots of care and fun (both ways)

but it’s obvious they have different needs so there’s little complaining about why they have different bedtimes, do / don’t have homework etc

Kit60 · 19/01/2024 01:33

EspressoMartiniBish · 17/01/2024 22:57

If we started trying now we would probably have a gap of 3 years or a bit more..
What's people's experience of a 3 year gap?
If it's not now then I'd imagine never or maybe a 5 year gap

Hey op. My friend has a five year gap and the kids have totally different interests. But it really boils down to the needs of your family beg money, careers, housing, health… All being well, I’d try now if I were you.

Kit60 · 19/01/2024 01:34

Eg not beg*

Tarkan · 19/01/2024 01:57

My two are 4 years apart and they've always been great friends and played well together when they were younger. They're now 20 and 15 (eldest's birthday is January and youngest's is February) and I honestly think they've had one fight ever in all that time. They hang out together quite a bit still and have lots of similar interests.

It was a great gap for me when they were younger as I could nap with the youngest while the oldest was at nursery/school and there was a gap between having to pay for residential trips at school etc.

TiredInPerpetuity · 19/01/2024 04:48

We have a 4 year gap and it was perfect for us. My first DC started school while I was on mat leave so I could walk to and from school so got to know all the parents before I went back to work (and now only do 1 drop and 2 picks ups).
Also first DC was old enough to understand the occasions where I had to pause a game or activity to tend to the baby. To the point where I once got "mummy hurry up with the bottle, she's hungry!!".
They're now 6 and 2 and starting to play little games together and is lovely to watch:

The only thing I'd say is that we made a massive effort to do 1 on 1 activity time with the eldest one, conscious that they were having to exercise some patience. So we will go to shows or theme parks etc without the baby sometimes so he has fun without having to consider younger ones needs.

We're considering DC3 and I would only do it again with a similar gap

DramaAlpaca · 19/01/2024 04:55

For me, it was the closer the better. I had three in under four years and while it was hard work, it got the early years out of the way quickly. They are grown now, 30, 29 and 26, and very close friends, which is lovely.

NonSequentialRhubarb · 19/01/2024 06:16

We're hoping for three years between ours.

The main reason is so older child understands the arrival of baby a bit more and understands why the baby needs a lot of attention. We also like that he'll be independent enough that I don't feel as stretched. Also means we've been able to really appreciate and invest in older child before baby comes. Fewer big milestones to deal with while also handling a baby too. I also think 3 years is a decent gap for them still wanting to go to the same places (soft play, kiddie theme parks, play parks etc) even if they use them differently.

Any bigger gap and I don't think I'd want to go back to the baby lifestyle and drag out the nursery fees.

CrispsandCheeseSandwich · 19/01/2024 06:38

I don't think it matters that much but probably 2.5-3.5 years.
For us this meant not having 2 in nappies at the same time, not having a long time where we need to pay two lots of nurseries fees, and DD1 was sleeping reliably through the night by the time DD2 was born. But DD1 wasn't so old that it felt like going back to the baby stage after having left it years ago.
But I really struggled with the baby stage, for some people going back to the baby stage would be lovely.

bellaroo92 · 19/01/2024 06:40

My girls are 12 months apart. Yeah it's tiring when they are babies but now they are 3 and 4 and so much easier. They are both into the same things so birthdays, Christmas and days out are so much easier.

Christmas at the minute is so easy, I don't buy separate gifts just buy them a load for them to share. So bonus saving money for now

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