If you met your partner later in life (e.g. 60+), what proportion of your estate would you want to leave to your grandchildren or adult children?

[ChancerDancer]

Just that really. I'm curious to know whether, if you met a partner later in life, you'd still want most or all of your estate to go to your children and/or grandchildren?

I'd want a partner that already had that worked out.

I remarried and we bought a house together as 50/50 owners. Each share will go to our respective children albeit with a right to live in the house. On death, remarriage or cohabitation the house will be sold. Our money will each to to respective children apart from a widow’s pension. We did think about keeping our respective houses but wanted to marry and have our own home. This seems a good compromise-and no different from death of a parent. In fact, it does offer more protection as most spouses own a house as joint tenants meaning children could possibly lose out on inheritance if the surviving spouse marries again.

My DH contributed to the cost of buying our house and to the cost of maintaining it etc., but not as much as me. If I die before him he will have a life interest in the house, then 75% will go to my children/grandchildren and 25% to his. Certain pieces of furniture, my jewellery etc. are listed separately to go to individuals (including little bits to my stepchildren/grandchildren). My life insurance will go to my DH if he outlives me because I love him dearly and want him to be comfortable, but I have asked him to give a certain amount to each of my children and I believe he will do that. My personal savings go to my children, our joint savings will be my DH 's.

The fact that my DH has not been in my life as long as my children does not mean I love him any less. He has cared for me and supported me for the last 17 years. I love my children dearly but they have not done that - in fact the boot has been very much on the other foot. They will get a decent amount once we are both dead and the house is sold, they will have to be satisfied with that.

100% to them. All money, property, shares, personal effects except some personal gifts or momentos, spelt out, to the new partner and money in joint bank account..

If the home is owned by me - 100% to the kids and partner can have free rent for six months.

If the home is joint - 100% of my share to my children - if partner repartners the house is sold and my share is given to kids then. If partner lives on alone the house is sold when he needs to vacate for any reason or in ten years (whichever is sooner though kids can choose to be more generous with time to vacate).

Wow just my dad then leaving it all to his new wife on the understanding (!?) we share inheritance when she goes - shes younge than hum and anything could happen.

A few people have mentioned 6 months to leave a house and this sounds very short to me. It can take up to 12 months to complete the probate process, sometimes longer. When my parent died it was 14 months later before I received an inheritance (and all was straightforward so no delays because of any complications).

I’m sorry to read this. Yes unfortunately there’s nothing anyone can do to make sure you get any inheritance in this situation. Is it possible to speak to your dad?

Dad is besotted tbh. She's also got money so together they're doing so well.

He thinks if he was married to mum still we wouldn't inherit if he dies so it's no different. And he trusts her implicitly 😔.

We aren't a super communicative family and my brother and I aren't successful like her kids so it's like he's just moved on.

It's such a blow.

Everything for my children. And they wouldn’t be able to live in a house I owned after I died either, they would have to leave it immediately and it would go to my children.

I want my children to benefit directly after my death, not to have to wait for someone else to die. I couldn’t see myself putting anyone before my children like that.

My dad did this, had it all drawn up with a solicitor. She had far more money that him though anyway so didn’t care.

Not that it worked out - he ended up with dementia and she left and ran for the fucking hills the first chance she got telling me to shove him in a home, he was my problem, not hers. the only thing she cared about was that no one could come after her to help care for him or contribute to any care fees. She blocked me on everything, I won’t even be able to tell her when he dies, not that I would now. Not seen or heard from her in 3 years, haven’t a clue where she is and his home and all his savings have gone on care home fees now anyway. So my lesson from that was protect yourself and your children because when push comes to shove and you really need them, they might abandon you anyway.

She may well marry again.

But as you say, your Dad has not handled things the way you would / will do.

Men so often don’t. Seen it so many times.

No I wouldn't do that because he could live for another 30 years.

Quite honestly, you might regret that. Has your mother made her feelings clear in a will?

I'm not in that demographic, but I would want everything to go to my children.

As others have said, MIL has set it up so that her partner has the right to live in the house (it's her house, which she's owned since her 20s), but technically everything goes to dh and BIL. They have - oddly - gifted partner's son the garage, which was on a separate deed, so partner's son oddly has a ransom strip to the side of the garden, even though neither he nor partner have a claim to the house. I hope that it won't be an issue - partner is an absolute shit, but his son is okay enough - but it's added an unnecessary complication to the whole thing, which I hope will play out one day without any drama. It remains to be seen though.

I am NC with my family, but last I heard, my mum and her partner had set up their will so that everything goes to the other, and then distributed to children (3 of us) upon the death of the longest living one. Now I have no idea if this is still the case, but the distribution was meant to be 60% to me, 20% to each of partner's children. But we're all NC. Partner's children went NC first, so they are more hated than me 🙄hence the unequal distribution, but no telling what's happened in intervening years.

I do wonder though what happens in a marriage where assets have been left to all children, but then after one partner dies, can the other just change it without the (dead) partner's consent. My mum's partner is pretty bonkers (as well as a convicted abuser), so it wouldn't surprise me that if he outlived her, if the whole thing got left to some right wing conspiracy theorist or some other bonkers cause. I don't particularly care about any of it really, but I am technically named as the executor even though we are NC, so I have no idea how any of that would work. They don't have anyone else as driven them all away. But I am just genuinely curious, even though the thought of all of it makes me want to hide under a rock - because there will no doubt be so much drama.

I’m in the same boat @FakeHoisinDuck.

If anything happened to DH then there is zero chance that I would merge finances with a new partner. Everything would go to our DC.

I wonder if ours is the first generation to really be affected by this (because in the generation before, both divorce and home ownership was much lower). So many of us have been burned by this and won’t make the same mistake with our own children.

@TempleOfBloom my dad has never prioritised us in any way. So I didn’t expect anything different when it came to his will. Still gutting though. He benefited from grandparent and parent’s inheritance (6 figure sums) and none of that ever filtered to us either.

Funds that have IHT protection left to DD, other funds to DH. property left to DH but in trust to pass to DD after his death

If you leave everything to your children with your partner able to live in the house until they die, who is responsible for house upkeep? Is this something you specify in your will or just hope 'someone' will take care of it.

I don't have children but just interested in who will pay for new central heating system etc

But the 6 months in our case would be for my partner to sort out some accommodation for himself so no waiting for probate or selling the house.

I’d still leave everything to my children and any bloke that thought I should do otherwise wouldn’t be around for long. I’d expect an adult in their 60’s to be able to support themselves already anyway.

We have kept separate homes and all my estate (basically just my home) will go to my kids and his will go to his own.

My mum died suddenly recently. My dad almost immediately moved on (appallingly disrespectful) and seems to be planning on selling both his and the new girlfriend's houses and buying a large house together.

This would mean me and his only grandson would have very little left - the new girlfriend would have everything. It's heartbreaking - my mum would be horrified. She would've wanted our interests protected - but all my dad cares about is himself.

Quite apart from the fact that the new girlfriend is very comfortably off, as are her grown up children and grandchildren - who would all benefit from this arrangement - whereas I'm disabled and with a very small child.

My mum's friends look on in absolute horror as to how selfish he is being. He's paraded this woman he barely knows around and taken her to their houses. He even wanted us to spend Christmas with her. He pretends he cares about her, but he just wants a new servant - he doesn't even know how to make a bed himself.
She's just after someone to look after her - it's all so obvious and cynical and desperate.

It's really upsetting, and stopping us grieving our mum properly - as we have to try and keep an eye on him doing all this mad, selfish, manic stuff to try and lock this new woman down so he's not alone. It's so obvious to everyone what he's doing - with no sense of responsibility for his own children at all. I can barely look at him.
Parent's are supposed to want the best for their children, above themselves. This is the opposite of that. He'll move in with her, then god forbid marry her - and she'll get everything.

Kids first. If he loved your kids at all, or had any respect for their mother, he'd protect his children's interests as a priority.

I have heard many many stories of wives dying and the husband remarrying and when he dies the step kids get everything. Including myself.

But have never heard of it the other way round. Where a woman remarries dies and everything goes to her step kids. Again including myself, my mum remarried then died but had a watertight will so we got her house.

Is it because men are more naive and believe their new wife will ensure his kids are looked after or is it they just don't care?

This is what a GM did after marrying a long-standing widowed neighbour at over 80.

I’d hesitate if the new partner was only 60 odd though - they could live for another 30 years. I’d say that they could remain in the property for (say) a year, to give them time to find somewhere else.

A friend of ours (well, dh’s friend, I wasn’t keen!) actually left the house he and his wife had lived in for over 20 years, to a charity, with the stipulation that she could stay in it for 3 years before handing it over.
There were other assets he left to her, but I was still appalled.

Left to children/grandchildren, but then I wouldn’t let a partner move in with me so late in life so I wouldn’t be worrying about his housing needs.

I agree that allowing him to stay until his death is nice in theory, but sounds like it could get messy for the children and delays things for them in any event. I’m quite harsh though and would even go as far as to say my partner’s living situation is just not my problem, but my kids are. Always, always 100% my kids come first and that line just doesn’t move.

My life insurance will go to my DH if he outlives me because I love him dearly and want him to be comfortable

Good point. FIL met and married his lovely 2nd wife when he was aged over 60. They've had 20+ happy years so far. She deserves to be treated with the same consideration as any long standing spouse does.