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Original poster

If you met your partner later in life (e.g. 60+), what proportion of your estate would you want to leave to your grandchildren or adult children?

148 replies

ChancerDancer · 16/01/2024 22:39

Just that really. I'm curious to know whether, if you met a partner later in life, you'd still want most or all of your estate to go to your children and/or grandchildren?

OP posts:
Josette77 · 17/01/2024 01:44

My mom is getting married at 75.

She owns the house and her dh will have 6 months to move out after she dies as per her will.

NotMyFirstChoiceofName · 17/01/2024 01:54

I have already arranged my financial affairs to make sure that my children get everything.

Why would I want to marry a man who wasnt financially stable in his 60s ?

HamBone · 17/01/2024 02:59

NotMyFirstChoiceofName · 17/01/2024 01:54

I have already arranged my financial affairs to make sure that my children get everything.

Why would I want to marry a man who wasnt financially stable in his 60s ?

@NotMyFirstChoiceofName I agree, but if you decide to live together, it would be kind to give them a chance to find somewhere else! Finding a rental or buying a house can take several months, esp. completing on a house purchase. Or if they have tenants in their own house, they’d need to legally regain possession, which takes a while.

We all hope that our children would be kind and give a grieving partner time to sort out new accommodation, but we can’t be sure that they would. I’d give a grieving partner at least a year in the house. __

echt · 17/01/2024 03:18

I can't imagine wanting to be with a man who didn't have his own property and means. Deeply unattractive. If a DP was living in my house, I'd expect him to maintain his own place and leave at the end of six months after I shuffled off this mortal coil.

Everything would go to DD.

It's all a massive what if as the thought of living with another person gives me the ick. A gentleman caller is the most I would entertain.

gerispringer · 17/01/2024 03:52

My dad remarried in his 60s and died 8 years later. His wife had a life interest in the house which was then to come to my siblings and I . She lived for another 20 years. When the house was eventually sold I used my share to help my kids get on the property ladder.

MariaVT65 · 17/01/2024 03:56

My mum has been with her partner for 20 years but her house will be left to me, as she owns it. I’d happy for her partner to still live in it as long as he pays for bills etc.

HappyDaze23 · 17/01/2024 04:10

My dad is leaving everything to his second wife. In fairness that’s probably his half of the house and little more. His wife has no children of her own but will apparently leave her estate divided between me and my siblings and her niece and nephew. Obviously she could totally change her mind on this at any time as nothing is in trust. She’s not much older than me so I’m assuming I won’t ever see the benefit but my kids might.

Its not what I would do! I’d be protecting my kids inheritance.

Geppili · 17/01/2024 04:10

Kids first always.

porridgecake · 17/01/2024 04:15

HappyDaze23 · 17/01/2024 04:10

My dad is leaving everything to his second wife. In fairness that’s probably his half of the house and little more. His wife has no children of her own but will apparently leave her estate divided between me and my siblings and her niece and nephew. Obviously she could totally change her mind on this at any time as nothing is in trust. She’s not much older than me so I’m assuming I won’t ever see the benefit but my kids might.

Its not what I would do! I’d be protecting my kids inheritance.

Do not believe her for one second. Your dad should be setting up a trust for your dc.

HamBone · 17/01/2024 04:23

echt · 17/01/2024 03:18

I can't imagine wanting to be with a man who didn't have his own property and means. Deeply unattractive. If a DP was living in my house, I'd expect him to maintain his own place and leave at the end of six months after I shuffled off this mortal coil.

Everything would go to DD.

It's all a massive what if as the thought of living with another person gives me the ick. A gentleman caller is the most I would entertain.

@echt I think sticking to a gentleman caller would be best for everyone! If he rented his house out, he’d have to evict his tenants if you died, and there’s enough MN threads on the horrors of being a landlord.

If he maintained his own home without renting it out, what would be the point of paying council tax, insurance, etc. on an empty property?

Being a gentleman caller (perhaps with a top hat and bouquet for m’lady) sounds far more attractive for everyone. 😂

HarrietofFire · 17/01/2024 05:31

My house is just in my name. It goes to my kids. If I die first my partner can live in the property for up to a year while he finds somewhere else, or until he gets a new partner. Whichever comes first.

Whodrankmytea · 17/01/2024 05:36

Everything to my adult children. I have purchased a house with my other half although I own the larger share of it. My will allows him to stay in it after my death for a certain amount of time but he has to maintain it.

Beezknees · 17/01/2024 07:05

I'd never marry or cohabit with a partner who wasn't my child's father. I want everything to go to my child.

Lifestooshort71 · 17/01/2024 07:09

In our 70s and been a couple for 20yrs. We both have adult children and grandchildren. He is hopeless with money and I'm the opposite (which is why we never got married) so he doesn't really have any assets. He can stay in the house for 6 months but needs to leave then so it can be sold. He knows this and that I'm leaving 90% of my estate to my family and just a small amount to him - this should give him the time and money to find some rented accommodation or see what his family come up with. It probably sounds harsh but he's known about my will for 10 years and none of his financial habits has changed and I know his small inheritance from me will be gone in a flash. We live together quite happily despite this!

FakeHoisinDuck · 17/01/2024 07:15

This is sad to read.

My dad remarried in his 60s. He's told us he's leaving everything to his wife. And then when she goes it will be divided between both her children and us.

Now she is a clever woman and has no real interest in us....

He's not leaving us anything. They're both quite well off and there are 2 properties - we'd assumed we'd get his property even if not his wealth. But no.

Neither my sibling nor myself have a lot of money. He is besotted with her and their billions of holidays and wants her to stay in the manner they both live.

I'm gutted tbh.

Candleabra · 17/01/2024 07:16

Everything to the kids.
This is why I will never remarry or buy property with another man.

FakeHoisinDuck · 17/01/2024 07:16

I wonder if it's mostly women who've replied who would protect their kids assests (as I'm sure my dads wife will...).

And if its men who suddenly bestow it all to their new wives.

Maddy70 · 17/01/2024 07:19

Peppermint81 · 16/01/2024 22:42

Partner could stay in house, once he died it then goes to your kids etc condition in will. They can have everything else till then.
All should end up with your brood!

This but maybe take out an insurance policy that just goes to new partner

Passingthethyme · 17/01/2024 07:20

Surely by 60, you'd both have your own assets so I'd assume everything (unless you moved into a joint property that you got together) .... in which case I guess they'd live in it until death (but I'd probably want to work out those details ... maybe put a time limit on it if all my money was tied up in it)

Scotsgirl001 · 17/01/2024 07:23

My mum passed away when I was in my teens. My dad remarried and bought a house with his new wife. He also passed away several years ago and his wife has since sold that house and bought another. I have no doubt that will go to her only child when she goes. No inheritance for me, everything I have will go to my only DC so I will continue to live independently from my current partner or any future one!

AfterTheSummer · 17/01/2024 07:24

Everything to my kids, no life interests. I’d tell my partner this was the arrangement so they could plan their affairs accordingly and I would expect them to do the same.

I would generally be far less likely to merge finances at that late stage.

Theemptydollshouse · 17/01/2024 07:24

It's not that straightforward. A surviving partner can make a claim on the estate if there is no provision for them in the will. It's not a matter of Fred shacking up with your mum for 10 years and then being kicked out when she dies.

copingstone · 17/01/2024 07:33

Every single penny would go to kids

AfterTheSummer · 17/01/2024 07:42

Theemptydollshouse · 17/01/2024 07:24

It's not that straightforward. A surviving partner can make a claim on the estate if there is no provision for them in the will. It's not a matter of Fred shacking up with your mum for 10 years and then being kicked out when she dies.

This is sort of what I meant by not merging finances. If you want everything to go to your kids immediately you need to be thinking about it in how you manage the relationship so that the partner is not dependent, not just in your will.

porridgecake · 17/01/2024 07:46

Theemptydollshouse · 17/01/2024 07:24

It's not that straightforward. A surviving partner can make a claim on the estate if there is no provision for them in the will. It's not a matter of Fred shacking up with your mum for 10 years and then being kicked out when she dies.

That is why estate planners will advise you to always mention potential beneficiaries in your will. Don't leave anyone out - even if you just leave a time limited right to live in a property, or a small bequest. It is much easier to challenge a will if you haven't been mentioned in it. It is preferable to set up a trust with specific conditions and getting qualified advice is much better than DIY.
The worst possible scenario is leaving everything to a spouse and then spouse getting married again.