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Does anyone live with a DP/DH whose kitchen hygiene is vastly different to their own?

60 replies

SpikyCoconut · 16/01/2024 16:07

Me and my DP are on the cusp of living together, and I am wondering about this because our hygiene standards are poles apart. I'd like to know if anyone else has had a situation like this with someone they live with?

I'm on the more lax side hygiene wise. I don't think I am unhygienic, but maybe I am? I'm not the sort to be fussy or bothered. If I dropped a cracker on a clean floor I'd probably still eat it. If something's past its best before date but it still smells okay, I'll use it. I wash up periodically, I live alone, so it is rarely more than one plate/cup/set of cutlery-I don't always do it straight away. I've nowhere I could put a dishwasher. I batch cook quite often or cook more than I'll need and freeze the rest.

DP on the other hand is METICULOUS about hygiene. If a loaf of bread has been left out for more than a couple of days, DP will not eat it. Won't eat anything that has been frozen from leftovers or say, if I made a lasagna and froze one portion, DP won't eat it. Has to be fresh or else. Wouldn't dream of eating anything that was one day past 'Best Before' even if it is perfectly fine. Has to thoroughly clean a kitchen before baking or cooking, even if it wasn't dirty in the first place. I left some hummus on the table overnight once by mistake, and still ate it the following day-this is horrifying apparently! Said that the way I am about hygiene and cooking 'Messes with my head!'

Doesn't like me cooking, although does accept that I am quite a good cook, because of not trusting my hygiene, how long I may have had ingredients etc. I bake a lot-and DP would only eat my baking if has actually watched me do it that day, because I will save marzipan once I've rolled it last time I baked, or I'll use home-made apple cider vinegar, or ingredients I've had a while.

OP posts:
AlltheFs · 16/01/2024 16:11

Oh god, don’t do it. It will be horrendous.

Would you want kids? If so absolutely no way I’d have them with someone like that. Just no.

He has issues. I bet that’s not the end of them either!

IClaudine · 16/01/2024 16:12

It would be a no from me. As pp says, this is probably the tip of the iceberg. Not eating home made food that has been frozen is particularly bonkers.

Snowydaysfaraway · 16/01/2024 16:15

Caught dh washing rice with hot water from the tap once. And recently found dog food on our hob where he has had dog bowls up there.

Nobody has died yet..
Can't eat food dropped because dogs catch it first!!
Dc never get colds or bugs so living the best life here it seems!!
In guru shoes don't move in together op. He is very ott imo.

Gowlett · 16/01/2024 16:19

I’m just like you. DH sometimes raises an eyebrow if I suggest that something from the back of the fridge is still okay.

He’s not overly-clean (I leave his toilet to him, until I have to intervene!) but used to use a fresh towel every day. Um, no!

I once dated a guy who would strip the bed after sex, air the mattress & hoover the whole room. Hope your DP isn’t that bad…

Gowlett · 16/01/2024 16:20

Also, once kids are in the mix they do all sorts of gross things!

SpikyCoconut · 16/01/2024 16:21

Although not diagnosed (awaiting one) I think DP has ASD which may be a huge factor. Also can't touch certain fabrics (I have to hide my velvet cushions for example).

Okay. Taking these comments on board! Not sure if I've any more examples but we are poles apart with this type of thing.

OP posts:
SpikyCoconut · 16/01/2024 16:22

@Gowlett no thank god! When it comes to sex I am actually more hygienic but nowhere near to that extent!

OP posts:
SpikyCoconut · 16/01/2024 16:22

@AlltheFs no children and unlikely to be any. But yes there are more examples!I'll try to think of some.

OP posts:
dickiedavisthunderthighs · 16/01/2024 16:25

Did he used to work in kitchens by any chance? My DH is almost as bad as yours although the frozen food thing is not an issue. He throws out all condiments after 6 weeks regardless of if they've been in the fridge or not - including ketchup. Drives me nuts. On the plus side I've not had a stomach bug in the entire time we've been together...

zigzag716746zigzag · 16/01/2024 16:25

Not meaning to be rude, but I think he might want to talk to someone about this. His levels of anxiety around food are not really within the normal midrange.

Has he perhaps had very bad food poisoning in the past and is overcompensating?

Mischance · 16/01/2024 16:26

Beware! My late OH once tidied up all the ingredients for a cake (plus bowls etc) from the working surface before I had a chance to make it - I had only gone for a wee! - I was only away 2 minutes!

I am just like you OP. My adult DDs come to my house and go through my fridge and chuck out stuff that they think is not safe! They have got this from their Dad.

I think this guy would drive you completely mad if you lived together.

OhpoorMe · 16/01/2024 16:26

What's wrong with washing rice from the tap?

catelynjane · 16/01/2024 16:28

Honestly, don't move in with him. You will make yourself miserable.

SpikyCoconut · 16/01/2024 16:29

@zigzag716746zigzag I've suggested therapy for the anxieties, this and other things and nope, downright refusal. Afraid to speak to anyone other than me, abotu any of it. No food poisoning that I know of.

I've had it a few times but never down to my own practices!

OP posts:
Froggywentawalking234 · 16/01/2024 16:31

I’m on the fence about this one!

My dh is much more lax than me about food hygiene and hasn’t a clue (still hasn’t) about how to “manage” a kitchen sink. But I am not as extreme as your dp op!

We have managed to come to a compromise of sorts as I have trained him up a bit (I know I shouldn’t have had to!) and in my part I have let go of my more rigid tendencies (you have to anyway when dc come along)

It’s still very wearing though when I come home after being away for a week and he obviously hasn’t cleaned a kitchen surface properly or changed the dish cloth, sponge or tea towels in all that time and he’s made a mess of the bin (again). It grinds you down a bit. And we’ve been married a long time!

Having said that, dh and I are opposites in all things and I think that is a good way to be as we both get our corners knocked off and we work well as a team (except in the kitchen)!

Catsandcuddles · 16/01/2024 16:34

I'm like your DH in this scenario and my partner is like you. I have suffered with food anxiety in the past although I have since had CBT so I'm much better now. I'm still cautious with certain things though, I won't eat seafood for example , and I'm funny about reheating certain foods (rice is a no no) I wouldn't eat anything left out overnight either, and will only eat at establisments with good food hygiene ratings.

My partner on the other hand will eat anything, doesn't care much for use by dates, food hygiene ratings and will reheat anything etc.

I tend to do most of the cooking in our house , because of my past issues and we are happy with this arrangement.

We've been together 8 years , never affected our relationship as my partner understands its an anxiety issue for me so he's supportive of me. Due to get married soon and we also have a child, I don't project my anxiety on to my child though as I know it's irrational.

Maybe your partner has health anxiety, its actually pretty common

Catsandcuddles · 16/01/2024 16:39

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 16/01/2024 16:25

Did he used to work in kitchens by any chance? My DH is almost as bad as yours although the frozen food thing is not an issue. He throws out all condiments after 6 weeks regardless of if they've been in the fridge or not - including ketchup. Drives me nuts. On the plus side I've not had a stomach bug in the entire time we've been together...

My health anxiety started after working in a food place and doing a food hygiene course. I never had it before that! Thankfully the CBT has allowed me to start living a normal life again

Crikeyalmighty · 16/01/2024 16:39

I lived with someone like this - it became a total pain in the backside-

banjocat · 16/01/2024 16:42

Depends more on your personalities and ability to compromise than your actual hygiene to be honest.

Most people have different living standards when they first move in together - it would be very unusual to find someone just like you.

If you care about each other and are a good fit personality wise then you will learn to cope with each other's quirks and habits.

If you can't see that happening / can't both compromise to some degree, then it's probably not a good idea to move in together.

JustExistingNotLiving · 16/01/2024 16:54

@Catsandcuddles i think a very big difference is that you are a woman and the OP’s DP is a man.

That means it’s likely you are doing all the cooking/most of the kitchen cleaning/deciding what to eat etc… so your DP really just has to roll with it.

In the case of the OP, she’ll probably be the one dealing with kitchen stuff and therefore will end up having to do things his way, regardless of how she feels about it. I think it will be much harder to balance.

Fwiw I think you always compromise in some ways when you move in with someone. But some stuff are harder to deal with imo. Like refusing to eat frozen leftovers.

Laszlomydarling · 16/01/2024 17:01

Watching and waiting to find out why we can't wash rice with tap water..

whatisforteamum · 16/01/2024 17:02

Im really picky about food hygiene case of taking my work home.
Tbh dh has barely been ill in 35 yrs.
I wo der OP when you say you are more lax do you have bad habits.?
My lovely df cooked loads when we were visiting yet he would prep raw meat and rub his hands on the tea towel.
😩😦

ScribblingPixie · 16/01/2024 17:04

I think you would need to raise your game quite considerably for this to work, OP. You're going to seriously repulse him.

Nanamuffin · 16/01/2024 17:07

@Snowydaysfaraway a few of us are waiting to find out why we can’t wash rice with tap water…..

zigzag716746zigzag · 16/01/2024 17:11

Nanamuffin · 16/01/2024 17:07

@Snowydaysfaraway a few of us are waiting to find out why we can’t wash rice with tap water…..

You can wash it with cold tap water, but not water from the hot tap (unless you have quooker or equivalent).