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Office or WFH tomorrow?

29 replies

SummerRemembered · 14/01/2024 17:07

Might of Mumsnet, please help me make this most basic of decisions.

I normally work from home on mondays. This is my only day at home and an arrangement which pre-dates covid. I see my elderly parents on mondays after work and it's easier to switch off and get straight there from home, than it is to come from my workplace. I've always had an understanding with work though that if necessary, i would come in on a monday. This is happening next week due to a large-scale and important event . My parents know about this and i've swapped my mum & dad day with DSis for one week to accommodate. NB: since covid, hybrid working has become the norm and most people work a 3/2 arrangement but I've retained 4/1 with the Monday only at home as I generally find it easier to work from the office.

Tomorrow morning, my workplace is having a welcome event, first thing in the morning, to wish everyone a happy new year and welcome new staff. This kind of thing happens every 6 months and senior management, which includes me, are encouraged to attend and circulate to introduce ourselves etc. Normally there is a lot of notice but this one was only announced on Thursday.

I have a meeting in the afternoon which is likely to be intense and challenging. I had already asked for it to be scheduled on a different day but that's not possible so have made clear i'll be joining online. The meeting involves, among others, a middle manager in my team, and someone senior to me who does not manage me but wishes she did.

The middle manager is nervous about the meeting and has asked several times if i can come in tomorrow to be in the room with her.

The other person has long been against my wfh arrangement as she expects me to be available at her beck and call. I have a monthly 1:1 meeting with her which can only take place on mondays due to her scheduling and i've been resolute in not mucking around my parents for this reason. This also works for me as i find it much easier to talk to this person through a screen than in person. Our next 1:1 is the week after next so if she sees me come in to the office tomorrow and then for the event next Monday, she'll think i can easily change plans again for the next again week.

I also have a meeting in the morning about a complex and confidential HR issue which i purposefully scheduled online while i am at home so i can be sure of nobody overhearing nor interrupting. I do have a private office at work but soundproofing isn't great and most folk walk in unannounced throughout the day, even when the door is closed.

If i go into the office, i'll need to leave early, around 4pm, to get to my parents as i can't switch arrangements with DSis at this short notice. This not only means having to make up time elsewhere but also is a bit shaky - the intense meeting will finish at 4pm and might overrun but i'll have to drop and run.

So my dilemma is: stay at home, better for parents, for HR meeting, and allows me to hold firm on arrangements. Or, go to office, attend welcome event and be able to better support my middle manager in the other meeting.

OP posts:
Whataretheodds · 14/01/2024 17:09

Unclear on the sequence of these meetings. Can you not come home at lunchtime?

SummerRemembered · 14/01/2024 17:12

I live too far away- it takes me 90 minutes to get home - the smallest gap between meetings is 1 hour. There.are loads of other calls etc also scheduled in but these are less important re location so I hadn't mentioned them. The distance between work and home (parents are closer to me) is the reason for this arrangement.

OP posts:
Wheresthefibre · 14/01/2024 17:12

So someone who works for you has asked you to come in for support and there’s an event senior managers are expected to attend?

Then you should go in. Part of your job is to support the people who are in your team, isn’t it?

Will it really be a big deal to see your parents a little later, as a one off?

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DGPP · 14/01/2024 17:15

You should go in but stick to wfh for all future Monday unless essential.
it sounds like one where you should go in.

WhatFlavourIsIt · 14/01/2024 17:15

I don't get it. Why do you have to see your parents on a certain day?. Surely on a work day, work is the priority?

Haveallthesongsbeenwritten · 14/01/2024 17:17

I think you need to be a bit more flexible and definitely go in.

SummerRemembered · 14/01/2024 17:28

I'm not seeing my parents on a work day. Work is the priority during working hours. I see them after work which is absolutely doable when working at home. They are elderly with dementia and cancer so rely on me and DSis to help them out. This cannot be skipped. On occasion, like next week, I absolutely understand that I need to be more flexible and will make alternate arrangements but this can't happen every week.

I probably should and will go in but I guess I'm just annoyed that I have gone to a lot of trouble to arrange my day in a way that works for my Monday arrangement and other things have crept in which, in our work culture would normally have had more notice, and that these are now pushing my in a position where I end up more stressed and do have to do things like leave work early to fulfil caring obligations.

OP posts:
SilentHedges · 14/01/2024 17:34

We have events of this type at work, which Senior Management strongly encourage us to attend, and they are expected to attend. I have very little interest in any work events, but when I turn up, and senior managers don't, it causes resentment and a lack of respect for them. I realise it's annoying, and stressful, but you should be there.

FuckingHellAdele · 14/01/2024 17:39

You should go in, I think you know that really.

Gazelda · 14/01/2024 17:45

You should go in.

But can't you leave at 4.30 and get to your parents 30 minutes later than usual?

Bellyblueboy · 14/01/2024 17:46

You absolutely need to go in and support your staff member.

thefallen · 14/01/2024 17:47

You should go in. It sounds as though your team, and the other senior managers, need and expect you to be there. Joining from home just isn't the same.

Chewbecca · 14/01/2024 17:49

I'd go in. Sorry OP.

Purplecatshopaholic · 14/01/2024 17:49

You should go in. It’s work, and sometimes you need to flex personal arrangements to accommodate.

Spirallingdownwards · 14/01/2024 17:50

WFH. If questioned it was too short notice to rearrange caring responsibilities after work.

candyisdandybutliquorisquicker · 14/01/2024 17:52

Agree that you should go in. TBH you're sounding inflexible and a little resentful of being asked to undertake pretty standard duties for a senior manager.

I appreciate that you have weekly caring obligations but the distance between your office and your parents is really not your employer's concern.

BIWI · 14/01/2024 17:53

You're a senior member of staff. It would look really bad if you didn't go in.

I don't see why you can't just either leave work early or get to your parents a little late.

You are being unreasonable, and you need to be more flexible. I wouldn't mind betting that if you were managing someone more junior and they posted what you have, you would be annoyed with them for their lack of flexibility and commitment!

Cavewomansue · 14/01/2024 17:54

Senior managers are still people and you have caring responsibilities - how would you treat your staff in similar circumstances as a guide to whether you’re doing the right thing.

I have a hard stop on one working day. Unpaid overtime and out of hours working are path of the course when senior. My office help ensure that meetings fit with my schedule. If it’s a board I can send a deputy.

Bellyblueboy · 14/01/2024 17:54

Spirallingdownwards · 14/01/2024 17:50

WFH. If questioned it was too short notice to rearrange caring responsibilities after work.

Edited

This assumes OP should only be concerned with what her bosses think. It sounds like she is a leader and she has said one of her middle managers has asked for her support.

leaders need to show up for their team. sometimes that is inconvenient.

Luckingfovely · 14/01/2024 17:55

I do get wanting to arrange your days the way you have - but as a senior manager you also have to be flexible.

I'm sure you know already you should go in. And if you're 30 mins later for your parents as a one-off, is it really that big a deal?

Jook · 14/01/2024 17:55

You should go in, due to the welcome event and tricky meeting where one of your team would like support.

PinkEasterbunny · 14/01/2024 18:14

Jook · 14/01/2024 17:55

You should go in, due to the welcome event and tricky meeting where one of your team would like support.

Yep, you need to go into the office

SpringSparrow · 14/01/2024 18:18

I think you should go in too.

Spirallingdownwards · 14/01/2024 18:32

Bellyblueboy · 14/01/2024 17:54

This assumes OP should only be concerned with what her bosses think. It sounds like she is a leader and she has said one of her middle managers has asked for her support.

leaders need to show up for their team. sometimes that is inconvenient.

I don't dispute that but she explains that when people have caring responsibilities then more notice is required to get cover. Responsible employers would take that on board and rearrange that meeting to enable her to meet her caring responsibilities and support the staff member.

Princesspollyyy · 14/01/2024 20:10

You need to go in, and I think you know that deep down.

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