> £4,000pcm nursery fees

[MidnightPatrol]

For those of you paying this, how bad is it? How do you cope?

I am hoping to have a second baby but it’s going to cost ~£4,200pcm (ignoring any future fee increases…!) in childcare for a year or two.

Slightly terrifying, particularly in context of higher interest rates / higher cost of servicing a mortgage when I come off my low interest deal next year.

I think your firmly in the realm of it being cheaper to get a nanny.

As per PP, I'd look at other options such as a nanny. We didn't go on to have a second DC, but if we had then this is what we would have done.

Fifty grand a year??? You need to be earning six figures to pay those fees out of taxed income.
Possibly more, bearing in mind that your income tax rates will be over 40 pct on earnings over about 45k (or thereabouts, not sure of current levels at which higher rate tax kicks in. )
How on earth do people manage? Ii's not that far short of care home fees, and those are for 24-hour, 365-day care.

@SiobhanSharpe I live in the NE of Scotland, here it is £19k for a full time nursery place. Even when the funded hours kick in it will still be £10k. So we are managing by only having one child!

@Gymnoob @WYorkshireRose

Yes I have looked at the nanny option - it’s similar tbh. The going rate seems to be £18/h - plus pension, employers NI etc it’s ~£4,500pcm.

I suppose you would then need to pay for activities and things. We are in London so I wouldn’t need to supply a car.

FML.

I mean it’s a bit late to say but I should think most people manage by timing their age gap. At least until the older child gets their 30 hours, if not until they’re school aged

@Itsthemostwonderfultimeoftheyear

I’m not eligible for the free hours unfortunately.

And in true millennial style I started on babies quite late (career, house buying etc) - so waiting until the elder one is at school isn’t optimal for a variety of reasons.

This is why some mothers stop working or take a break to look after kids. Not helpful for your question but this is how we did it. I managed to work part time as a freelance later on when they were at school full time. However, things are much more expensive since 2020 and salaries have not catch up with the increase as we all know. I would stick to one kid if I needed to work.

How old are you?

Could you freeze embryos and wait a year or two to have the second child? Most clinics will accept women up to 39/40 for egg freezing.

In London, you should look into a nanny share. Find another family with 1-2 DC locally and hire a nanny together, or look for a family already seeking a share. More expensive than one nursery place but cheaper than 2.

We did it for years very successfully. We no longer need a FT nanny but she moved on to be shared by another 2 families. Finding a share is a bugger but in London it's feasible and it can work really well.

Can either you or your partner work 5 days on 4, or work a weekend day?

Honestly, get a nanny. The added value they bring outweighs the extra costs for activities etc.

I am presuming that you both have fairly "big" jobs to be considering this? If so, think about the impact of nursery closures/time off with bugs etc. A good nanny will also ensure your kids spaces at home are clean and tidy, they're well fed at tea time etc, even do bath time if needed.

Another option is to not have them in nursery childcare full time. I do this by working condensed hours, so I have one day off per week and then we have a nanny one day per week. So I have 3 days x 2 kids nursery bill instead of 5. And the nanny is cheaper than having them in nursery, and I get a tidy kids bedroom and playroom at the end of the day.

A childminder is another option but hard to find in my experience.

Also have a look at how long you will have to do this for. For us, it's actually less than a year and for some of that the 15 free hours kicked in.

Both you and your partner compress into 4 day working weeks chooaing a didferent non working day, then you only need 3 days of childcare.

Find a cheaper nursery, we're in a big city and full time childcare is £1300 a month

@Crushed23 It’s crazy to consider freezing embryos and IVF to accommodate the high costs of childcare…!

I’m 35 so egg freezing not that effective anyway.

The other option of course is to stick to one child!

You don’t need to wait until they are at school. You’ll get the free funded hours. My little girl is three and has just started hers, so her bill has dropped right down. I’m due my second in the spring.

@Youcancallmeirrelevant

”Find a cheaper nursery”.

Three nurseries in my area, fees all the same give or take £100 a month. So not an option.

I’m guessing you earn over £100k, have you calculated the cost of childcare if you make pension contributions to get your income below £100k and then qualify for the free hours?

35 isn’t that old. A lot of the mums round here are older. Understand it’s risky leaving it.

You’re only 35! Your posts made it sound like you’re 40+.

There are fertility tests and the like that you can have done to check, but statistically you can easily delay the second child by a year or two.

All the mothers I work with (London, career driven) didn’t become mothers until their late 30s/early 40s.

Yes and no

The ivf and freezing would be about £7/8k clinic depending

So 2mths childcare fees

Then yes it may fail but equally you may ttc for a couple of years and not get preg

But also means then less childcare to pay out for

Tho a nanny charges the same for 1 or 3 kids

Once the eldest starts school you won't be able to use nursery and will need childcare 7/9 and 3/7 if 12hr day

35 isn’t that old.

Indeed.

In London it’s quite young!

I echo this. This is the reason women are so often the disadvantaged party when it comes to parenthood. Unless you both have six figure jobs, it's often easier/necessary to become a SAHP for a couple of years. Or at least drastically cut working hours. I think you need to consider you or your husband, depending on who earns the most, taking a couple of years at home/PT work.

I had to do it 15 years ago when things weren't nearly as expensive as they are now. I simply don't think I could afford to have a family if I was starting these days. It's a sad situation.

So many people look down their noses at SAHP setups, until they are in the firing line and realise it's actually an unavoidable situation for many families

At 35 I would definitely wait a couple of years to minimise the cost of childcare. It's honestly not that late to have kids.

From the way you were writing you made it sound like you were in your mid-forties!

35 is so young. Just wait until the oldest is in school.