> £4,000pcm nursery fees

[MidnightPatrol]

For those of you paying this, how bad is it? How do you cope?

I am hoping to have a second baby but it’s going to cost ~£4,200pcm (ignoring any future fee increases…!) in childcare for a year or two.

Slightly terrifying, particularly in context of higher interest rates / higher cost of servicing a mortgage when I come off my low interest deal next year.

Agreed. Also ridiculous that a family with two high salaries coming in could be forced to plan their age gap around finances.

Good luck OP, the year we had two in full-time nursery was painful enough and we were playing less than half that. I think of us as earning good salaries but neither of us takes home nearly enough to cover that bill.

If the smaller age gap is important to you, you could borrow to cover some of the childcare shortfall. Awful I know but it is a time limited expense.

What you need is your maternity leave to end as your eldest starts school. You can then potentially reduce nursery hours on maternity leave as well. So a 3.-3.5year gap.

It's not clouding the reality. Putting it the way you do is exactly why so many women give up work and never get back on the career ladder in the same way - just like you've lamented earlier in the thread. The situation is framed to them like it's a simple sum of their wage vs nursery fees so it's not worth them working. But the reality is and should be that the childcare fees come from both parents' wage and there is no reason whatsoever that the woman should be the default person to cover them and to give up their work/career. That kind of thinking is cloudy and we'd be much better being clear it's a household expense and accept that it's a loss leader for a while but worth it in the end. Ideally people would factor all this in and make adjustments in advance so they can suck up the loss one way or another. In your case, that could mean waiting longer to have DC2 or moving somewhere cheaper etc. but everyone has their own priorities and has to find their own way to make it work. It's tough but it's not forever and the free hours are really helpful when they finally kick in.

If you take home £2,400 and your DH takes home £2,400 and childcare costs are £3,200 - childcare costs are 66% of each of your salary. You and your DH are therefore not “paying to go to work” but, of course, childcare costs are a significant proportion of both of your salaries. You might decide that the cost is worth it as it is a relatively short-term expense and allows both of you to continue progressing in your jobs.

Lots of women stop work in this scenario because they think of childcare costs in relation to their own pay, not as the joint household cost it is. Assuming adequate childcare is available, IMO the only “good” reason to stop working due to childcare costs in this scenario is because you want to or because it’s what is best for you and your family, not because you would be “paying to go to work” as that just isn’t true.

Surely if the new free/subsidised hours come in next year 2025, for younger children, you would get 15 hours pw paid for?

Why doesn't that apply to you? AFAIK it's not means tested.

Have you looked at all options such as working a 5 day week in 4 days , working pt/, using family members, or a childminder?

Even if you are paying £90 a day for nursery that's £1800 a month.

Where you live must be very expensive. Are you in London?

Nanny share?

If you're not eligible for the free 30 hours you must be on at least 200k as a couple. The 48k annual childcare cost is less of a bite than if you were earning half that. I guess that's how people do it and the rest use the 30 free hours.

X-posted with @Mumsanetta who puts it perfectly!

Jesus the price of nursery’s now is just insane. Something has to be done. I’m 32 & my mum said it used to be £3 a day and she could just show up or not show up! Now they have strict rules on drop off and pick and the costs are eye watering.

@EcclesCakesPlz I think the parents have to be earning >100k each to not get the funding.

Feel your pain…
we have 21m gap and our outgoings will be £9.5k per month for 2.5 years from 2025😱😱😱

We are eligible for precisely fuck all in terms of childcare.
my DH and I can’t compress, our jobs do not exist as 4 day weeks and they are NOT 9-5 jobs…

I built a good buffer of savings and am just going to smash through that.

I am not stopping work…I refuse to give up the financial freedom I’ve built but we are stopping at 2 because of it… I don’t think we could take the strain. I considered it but looked around… there are literally NO high profile women in my workplace with 3 under 7… in fact I don’t think I know any period…

i don't love it BUT it’s the best choice available to me/ my preferred choice as I wanted to take full mat leave and I didn’t have the good fortune to meet my DHs in my 20s…

the ONLY thing that lets me sleep at night is our (hefty) mortgage is fixed until 2030 🙌

Out of interest what do you do and what are the hours.

I was solicitor, but rural. So had the double hit off shocking pay, I'm talking 20k, for 100 hour weeks as a court legal aid.

So I came out, my choice, now do bits in schools round children.
I could go back though, I was late having kids, was partner when I left. Don't think it's harmed any career progression here.

But not a chance I would. Work life balance all wrong.

That childcare bill a month is unreal.

Ah ok maybe.

Well, the Op can either settle for one child, change her job so it's part time or lower paid (and then she'd qualify perhaps for some help with fees) or just suck up the fees.

There are families who do have make a very hard choice of not being able to afford double nursery fees and not have another child.

I was in this situation. We had a 2 year gap and second pregnancy turned out to be twins, so we had 3 in nursery at once and the fees exceeded my take-home pay.

I've worked hard for my career, so we decided to take the hit rather than me give up work. It was a tough couple of years, but it was temporary and led to me getting promoted, so well worth it in the long run.

As soon as either of you earn over £100k, you lose the funding, even if one of you isn’t earning, or is on lower wages.

It’s a lot but remind yourself it’s only temporary.

I have a 2 month old and 2.5 year old, and when I go back to work, my eldest will be 3.5. We figured it’s only 9 months or so of nursery fees for two. It’s a lot, but it’s temporary!

And the 15 hours they get when they turn 3 should also help.

We also considered the nanny option but decided against it in the end because we didn’t want to rely on one person for childcare.

Holy guacamole!!! Sorry I have no solution where I live childcare is no where near as expensive.

You said you taking a career break isn't really an option, what about your husband?

Would renting out a room in your house be possible to take in some extra money?

I am also 35 and now expecting my 2nd. I understand not wanting to wait until you are older. It took us 4 years of TTC/ miscarrying to have DS I was worried it would take as long this time.

I gave up work when I had my second, as I couldn't afford 2 lots of nursery fees. I had children later than I should have too. We get tax credits, and it's helped us alot.

I guess you start saving now so a good chunk of it is there in advance of needing it.

Options such as stopping pension payments and extending the term of your mortgage.

Room for a live in nanny that you then share or at least part time share.

Childminder or nannyshare will be cheaper in North London.

yes, childcare costs are insane in the UK. but do keep working if you can - it will be worth it in the long run.

I think it's only if both earn over 100k. So at least 200k household income. This is from MSE:
Each earn £100,000 a year or less. This means if both partners earn £100,000 you can qualify, but if one earns £30,000 and the other £100,001, you won't.

If your first child is 3 by the time maternity leave finishes for no.2 then you'll get your 30hrs funded. It surely won't total £4,200 with that!

Could you and/or your partner do a 4 day week to reduce costs further?

If you have the room, look into a live-in nanny. This is what we did. It was quite a few years ago now for me but a live-in nanny was significantly cheaper than 2 in nursery in London. It also provided significantly more flexibility and so worked better for family life with 2 working parents.

Once the children were 2.5 years old they went to a little nursery school in the mornings, starting 3 days per week and gradually increasing to 5 mornings per week. I still kept the full time live-in nanny though and she would catch-up with laundry, cooking etc whilst the kids were at nursery school.

Once they went to school we moved to au-pairs which was way cheaper obviously.

It's 30/15 hrs funded hours are term time only. So 52 weeks that's actually 22/11 hours a week. So only one or two fifths of the cost that is saved. Plus my nursery charges for non school hours (e.g. hours outside of 9-3, consumables and food).

If you're not eligible for 30 hours then at least one of you is earning over £100K and from the fact that apparently neither of you can possibly condense your hours, go art time, or take a break you must both have very 'big' careers with big salaries attached, so I'm struggling to see how £4k (however ridiculous) is an issue?

@Mumsanetta I disagree.

I think women are more likely to stop working because they often earn less, and if you’re going to live on one income, it’s going to be the higher one.

If a couple earn £2,500 each after tax, and have a childcare bill of £3,000 a month - they will be £500 better off a month if one of them stops working.

It’s costing them more money to both work, than if just one of them did.

It is little wonder some parents stop working in this scenario. They are better off for it.