When your children left home did you find it difficult to just be you and your husband?

[smallydolly]

My children are only young but for some reason I've been thinking about how the future may look if they ever got married/left home. I can't imagine it being just us all the time. We've gone through some tough time lately and I think that's what making me wonder if it will be reallly awkward- will we have anything in common?

How did it pan out for you?

I love my DD infinitely, but I am really looking forward to it. When DD was small it was just a hectic nightmare. Now she is a teenager, she has a hobby that keeps her out of the house for a whole day at the weekend, so DH and I have a day alone together every week. It's brilliant. It's reminded us that we really get on. We do fairly low key stuff, like walk the dog and go back to bed, but we get to talk and have a bit of a laugh together like we did years ago. We go out for breakfast, or make a 'nice' lunch, then have a snooze by the fire. It reminds me that I married him for a reason - he's lovely and funny and clever.

We were together for a long time before we had DD, so maybe that helps. We sort of slip back into being our old selves.

I wonder this too! Will it be awkward? Have we grown apart without even noticing because our lives revolve around the kids? I think we'll be OK but it's going to take a lot of getting used to.

Ahh that's sounds really lovely 😊

Dreading it, mine are late teens and they were out or away over Christmas and New Year, the house was sad and quiet. We were bored stiff.

There are a number of posts on this thread showing it can be a really tough time.

coping with empty nest syndrome, menopause with absent husband http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/parentsoffadultchildren/4866510-coping-with-empty-nest-syndrome-menopause-with-absent-husband

This is my worry. We got married young and of course being young and carefree is wonderful. My DH is suffering from depression and sometimes I worry that when the chaos of kids running about fades, will I still love him

My kids are now older teens and either left or are largely independent. I enjoy the time with my husband again. It is relaxed and a joy to just please ourselves. I am also meeting my friends more frequently. I am dreading the thought of my 12 year old dog dying though.

Well three of my four have been gone a few years now (no 4 has autism so unlikely to leave home but likes a lot of down time in his own space)

We'e been together well over 30 years. We annoy each other, but we also still like each other. We have separate hobbies but a few we do togther now and then.

But now we have a toddler grandchild, and it has made me appreciate and love him in a way that I think had gone stale... watching Grandad chase and play, and Grandad the way he was Dad, is just lovely (I'm Granny care so dgs is here at least 3 days a week) and we enjoy him together.

I DO think you should each have your own interests and hobbies though.. I can't imagine us just sitting around being retired together!!

I've found it very difficult on my own without a DP. Very lonely at times.

Mine haven't left home. But I am incredibly lucky to have a lot of time alone with dh- and we are friends, lovers and husband and wife. For me he is all of those things and I can't imagine not enjoying his company. He's the best company I can think of. 20 years we've been together and we've never run out of things to talk about.

My DCs are only young and I don't think it would be a problem. We were a couple for 11 years before having DCs. When DC1 was in nursery we both wfh and also spent long periods of parental leave together (admittedly with a newborn, DC1 was in nursery). I'm not looking forward to that time exactly, because I treasure the time we spend with DCs, but it will be lovely having that rhythm of child-free time, to go to exhibitions and see plays and films and do weekend breaks.

I can't wait to just be me and DH again.

I know how you feel. My DH and I talked about the peace and freedom we would have when the DC grew up and left home. We discussed all the things we would like to do.
Sadly he died before either of the DC left home so we didn't get chance to do any of it.
Now they have both left home and I am alone.

Our DC are grown, one has left home 🏡 one still here as he finishes post secondary education.
DH and I love our time to ourselves, when it's just the two of us. Not that we don't love having DS around, it's just that we also love when it's just us
We are good friends as well as lovers, have always enjoyed spending time together.
We have lots of shared interests, but also have our own hobbies too.

No. Its wonderful.
They bob in and out for weekends or holidays and Xmas etc but for the most part we are just me and dh Mon to Fri and 2 out of 4 weekends.
Love the kids and we get on great but dh and I get on great and we are v much enjoying the time we have together.
Its a lovely stage for us thankfully.
We are together since we are 16 and still get on like a house on fire nearly 38 years later.

OP are there things you can do now to keep the spark, or bring it back? I know it's hard with a busy life and young DC but we try to plan the odd date night, a weekend away each year for our anniversary and still enjoy our time together. We have separate hobbies but enjoy spending time together still.

What ima aging is can you find the time and space to prioritise your relationship now while the kids are still at home?

If they go to Uni it sort of happens gradually. They go off and you adjust to being the two of you, then they come back and it's lovely to all be together again. I think it helps with easing you into it.

My son flew the nest and to be honest I loved it.
He was moving on with his adult life and i was starting a new chapter.
It was quiet i missed him being a round but after a the first 2 weeks i got used to it.
I knew where he was he was safe he calls but life goes on.
I kept busy the first few weeks painting my home out re doing his room out i still call his room. (he can have back anytime)
I do live alone so it was just me no one else.
I started to think its all about me now i have no responsibility but for me shopping costs went down laundry went from once a week to once a fortnight.
I love it its nice to come home knowing its just me that lives there.

Nah we're probably going to either split up when DS leaves home, or just live settled but separate lives. DS is all we have in common. All my friends are the same. Genuinely happy for the 'we're friends as well as lovers' crew but DP, a wonderful man, isn't really either of those to me and hasn't been for years. We're more like amiable workmates. I dread it really, hope DS never leaves.

Unfortunately so many young people end up moving back home after university because of high property and rental prices. It's bad for them and their parents.

When the playwright Jack Rosenthal's children left home he had a nervous breakdown.

If your kids are still young, I'd put this right out of your mind. Your lives will evolve through many stages before they leave home.

Then, very, very often, they come home again.

We got married young and of course being young and carefree is wonderful. My DH is suffering from depression and sometimes I worry that when the chaos of kids running about fades, will I still love him

Well don't "wait" with some kind of gloomy prediction. Remember what you had. Talk to each other. Laugh together. Re-kindle what you had. Grow together. 'Expect' to be together "until death us do part" and if that thought fills you with dread, then don't wait 20 years to split up. Find things you like about each other again. Put the effort in, or let it go.

I think it's worse if you end up with a partner who has no local friends or hobbies that take them out some time at weekends or odd evenings.to be honest I found it claustrophobic and made me feel old- so I made it my intention to pick up my social life - my H has tons of good friends through business - but non that he could just pop for a drink with of an evening. He doesn't like sport - so yes life can become a bit dull and not just because your child/children are no longer at home

For me, it coincided with a step up in my career, whilst my H was winding down. He took over a lot of household jobs and started cooking me these amazing meals when I got home from work.

So, although I missed them, there wasn’t any sense of being abandoned. We were moving into a new phase too.

The adventurous cooking was short-lived, by the way, but we have some cracking holidays now.

I would say my dh can't wait for it just to be us again, but I think I would rather live on my own. I have been a mum for a long time, 33 years, and i want to do things my way for a change, eat when I want to, sleep when I want to etc where dh would be much more routine led. Anyway I guess we will just have to wait and see.