When your children left home did you find it difficult to just be you and your husband?

[smallydolly]

My children are only young but for some reason I've been thinking about how the future may look if they ever got married/left home. I can't imagine it being just us all the time. We've gone through some tough time lately and I think that's what making me wonder if it will be reallly awkward- will we have anything in common?

How did it pan out for you?

This is me too.
I'm dreading it tbh - DS1 in army, DS2 & DD (young adults) still at home atm. I don't like my H, I married him because I wanted children and I was in my early 30s.
We have nothing in common and have pretty much separate social lives and have done so for years. We do not go on holiday/away on our own - no point in spending hours/days in total silence.
He's done nothing wrong except he's boring, isn't on the same intellectual wave length as me (probably the biggest bugbear), no drive, ambition etc...( I could go on!).

I'll retire before him and will get a dog....Kids may or may not have moved out by then! I will lead a separate life to him but we won't split up.

Not sure why this year old thread has been revived again, but, it is like @Iliketulips has said - you don't go from "busy family / small children / doing everything for them" to an empty nest.
Things change gradually over the years as they get older and become independent.

You get evenings back as you don't have to put them to bed.
You get lie ins back.

You can be more spontaneous as one of you doesn't have to be in from work before the other one can go out to their meeting or hobby.
You can go out either separately, or together and leave teens home without having to get a babysitter.
You can go away for the weekend.
They start going out.
They might start working shifts.
They might start going from school / college to a PT evening job.
They might go off to University, but are still home in the holidays and still reliant on you in different ways.
Very likely, you get used to cooking for 2, and then they come home again.
Unless your dc are twins or triplets, it is a gradual leaving anyway.

However, as I said last year, don't waste the next 15 years worrying that something might be a difficult time.

Our dc are 13 and 21 - eldest at university- and youngest becoming more and more independent.

Dh and I rehomed a very needy cat from a rescue. He’s filled a gap nicely. 🙈😂

No, he is my best friend. We love seeing our adult DC, whether it is for a quick visit or to stay, but are very happy bumbling about together.

We have some joint hobbies but also some separate ones. Both of us volunteer, in different places, and I run my own business. Plenty to talk about but also plenty of time for companiable silence.

I think one thing that's hard to account for is 'stuff' that comes along and kicks you in the teeth out the blue and often totally out of character . Affairs ( emotional or physical) sleazy behaviour , suddenly developing really bad vices be it gambling, excessive porn, drinking way too much , complete spendthrift , bad moods/tempers etc.

12 years ago I would have said we would be totally fine , after 29 years I'm 50/50 on it.

In addition I don't always think it's kids moving out that make adjusting to living as a couple difficult , I think quite often it's been that there has been less time to focus on whether you still actually want the relationship and spend quite so much time with the same person without distractions.

I had five children and to this day I would have them all back in the blink of an eye. I have been thru the grandchildren which as toddlers was fantastic and they are all teenagers and older now. My husband hasn’t changed but I have. I don’t have friends as such (one died last year) this has always eluded me. Hence I find this life difficult. Husband not a joiner but I find keeping in touch with people is necessary. I was in Scouting for 15 years and enjoyed the adventure and young people but now I dog sit fit my youngest daughters three dogs. Always lots of events with so large a family. They still need us at times it’s usually me. Would do it all again but need to.be younger!
i never wanted my childten to leave. I loved school holidays unlike some parents. They were so much fun and it was not something I knew about, children . How to cope when they leave? No idea really all I know was it broke my heart. But you have to let them leave and make their own life good or bad. Just be there if and when. Miss them and always will. Husband? Still together getting old together. 60 years next year. Can be extremely boring though 🤣😆

My husband also suffers from depression. I see myself as a 'carer' more than a wife. I know he's unwell and the illness is not his fault, but his refusing therapy and not taking medication has built up my resentment. The last years of my children's childhoods, when they should be concentrating on exams in a safe and calm home has been taken over by this because he didnt put a reminder on his phone to take meds the 10 times I told him to. I can't see me forgetting all about it and skipping off into the sunset with him once the kids have left home. I am on a carers forum and the number of women in their 60's on there who wish they'd left years ago is staggering, because their husbands have got worse and worse, in some cases aggressive and abusive after they gave years to caring.

Dh and I really enjoy spending time together, so it wasn’t a problem. We enjoyed the lack of noise and drama, simpler meals and less stress. They have boomeranged back and that took a huge adjustment - they really had to up their game because I wasn’t going to be cooking and cleaning for two adults. Things are better now.

@Lizziecubs congratulations - 60 years is incredible

Champagne Rose what a fabulous ident. It doesn’t seem that long. My head is still that 17 year old when we met but the mirror and getting out and about tells me otherwise. I have a head full of information which sometimes gets misfiled but comes to the fore eventually. It’s amazing what you know and have accumulated over the years. I am still learning!