"Aboriginals are mentalists"- how would you approach this comment?

[piddocktrumperiness]

My DP is in Oz on holiday to visit family who moved there. I was on the phone and his son, who is 12 was on the call too and he was describing his day and made mention that an "aboriginal squared up his mum, for no reason because that's how they are" -I was shocked and could not say anything

Later in the week I'm on a call with DP and asked if he liked the place and the weather and he said "yeah everything is so laid back here but the aboriginals are mentalists" Here we go again. I was shocked again. If he was in front of me I would have nipped that in the bud and called out the racism and prejudice and thrown the history books at him- I am of mixed race myself (ME/NA) but because he is on holiday, visiting family he'd not seen for ages and was looking forward to the trip I didn't want to cause tension or anything. But now I feel like when he does come back in a month too much time has gone by that I can't bring it up again.

How would you have approached this? What could I do now?

Get him told!

How?

What do I say?

What if he doesn't bring it up, do I just bring it up and talk about it retrospectively?

I'd bring it up when he is home, he is probably repeating what he hears there. Have a chat with him about race in another form, something local or historical experiences in your family if there are any, then link it back to what he said and how it made you feel and how wrong it is. That's what I'd do. You'll just get an eye roll when he is still over there.

Sorry misread, its your DP you are wondering about, not the child. I think I'd do the same approach but a bit harsher as he is old enough to know better!

I mean, do you actually want to stay with a racist? Does he respect you ?

I don't believe him to be a racist though-clearly a little ignorant or not self aware in this instance

I mean saying indigenous people are mentalist is pretty racist!

You weren’t there so don’t know what they experienced. Have you asked?

I mean, of course such sweeping statements are inappropriate, but you might find knowing what’s been going on helpful. If they’ve only seen indigenous people behaving badly, then they need a wider context

Explain exactly how you felt and why. Explain about pre conceived notions of groups of people who are in their native homeland. Your dp is the guest.

Suggest that he stays there permanently?

You don't have to take a racist back into your home just because he's not been racist in your presence before.

Well he IS racist, so you'd better start believing it.

When I lived in Australia I found this type of attitude to indigenous people was very widespread and not tackled at all.

I would wait til he gets home and speak to him then.

When he gets back ask him why he said these thinks and take it from there?

I’ve recently spent time with some Australians and they described driving through and aboriginal town and not wanting to stop as wouldn’t have been safe, I was shocked but the deprivation is awful - has your dp heard / seen something like this? The recent vote has stirred things up a lot.

I presume he is aware that the Aborigines were the original indigenous population of Australia?

Therefore, it shouldn't take too much for him to work out just how very racist what he said actually is. If not then you might have to explain very bluntly. Probably best when he gets home, but if he can't keep his mouth shut on it then maybe just say that you are uncomfortable hearing such language from him and change the subject. He might take the hint .................... or might not!

"It's not okay to talk about marginalised people that way, it's racist; please stop."

be truthful, say you were surprised and disappointed to hear him make a racist comment.

Just say “what a weird thing to say” and pause. Feeling awkward is a learning moment for most people but especially for teens.

Their comments are racist, so I am relying on your comment OP that you don’t think they are racists or intentionally being racist.

I would bring it up with DP when he is home. It will be a difficult conversation, but one you need to have. I would start with what DP said, explain how it is racist and problematic and then finish with how his 12yr old is picking up racist thought processes from him.

I haven’t been to Australia, but I expect “casual” racism towards indigenous people is widely acceptable to some in the way many people here will deny they’d ever be racist - but happily make comments about Travellers.

I would tell him, “husband, I was a bit surprised yesterday, and upset, and didn’t want to do this by phone. Especially with you being on holiday. But, the people you’re with have influenced our son too, so I can’t leave this. That’s racism and it’s not OK.”

He's not a teen - he's her partner

Mentalist? As in magician? Or was he trying to say they're mad? Either way, yeah, racist (and stupid). I'm Australian, fwiw.

It's incredible how quickly people will pick up local racism.

So here we have a post about a non-Australian - presumably British - person being blatantly racist, and still it brings the anti-Australians out of the woodwork. Must be the family's fault (though they're not Austalian either), must be the local culture, it rubbed off on him. Poor guy doesn't know his own mind